i wonder why .. im so moody today.. despite all the good things that have been happening...
i cant wait for tomorrow to come!
have so many testimonies
i just realised i have more than what i expected.

1. my results, express next year.
2. z2h lesson sunday is cancelled.
3. my ma lent me 25$ to pay for the fees
4. eugene din come on the 25th so i din hav to go through the trouble to ask him about the fees, and i dont have to pay 1st either. :D
5. thank God for eugene, because he saw my msn nick, and said he was interested to join! and i was really desperate for a new member, so, it was in the nick of time! GOD IS ALWAYS ON TIME!! :D THANKS EUGENE!!! :D

haha
thats all i can recall now..
cant think of any other good thing so far.. but really this is awesome! ....
oh ya
some1 today, at z2h, solved my rubric cube the whole thing in 1 min+ ... i was like so walao! SO PRO LAHHH!!! WALIAO!!!!!! ...kanasai. . . . . .
sad sad sad
i want to be so pro too :)
hahaha
kks
nothing to do
im snacking again
this is why im fat.
i snack alot.
muahaha
i feel that i did something wrong today. maybe its worry that is causing me to be so moody. i really din talk much to val and isma the whole time, until z2h lesson ended. oh ya. i got 70/100! and i was like HOW CAN! i checked the notes, they were correct mah! isma oso made same mistake as me. alot ppl made same mistake as me. how can! im correct! i double checked...
haiz
maybe i should start filing up every z2h note that they give out...
hmmn
rawr! ...
i dont think it affects me though, because learning drums..
drums have C D E F G A B C meh?

haha
get this
we learned music scale:
C C# D D# E F F# G G# A A# B.
does it look confusing?
took v. long for my slow brain to get this! ...
walao!
...
T____T'''
arh well
for the test anyway,
i drew out on the test sheet, a keyboard, and imagined playing the scales. so then i know where is the sharp.. the flat.. blah blah blah!
SO I DONT UNDERSTAND HOW ME AND ISMA GOT 70/100!!!!
because we were correct!
T___T'''
im so gan chiong la walao...

...
sianz
k
sayonara.
me don wan blog le.
going to do something
stupid
and waste time
because HOLIDAYS ARE HERE MAN
its TIME TO RELAX
EXAMS ARE OVER
Z2H IS JUST STARTING!
AND TIME TO
now is the time... for us.. to shine..
shine with the faith.. of Christ.. divine...
:)

i still canot believe it!
IM IN EXPRESS NEXT YeAR!!!! :D :D :D :D muahahaha!
Praise the Lord...
hhahahas..

now i feel scared. =.= ..haiyohhhh!!!!
.......

hahas.
anyway... i just feel like writing some crap.. that.. well...
ok lah, i'll rant.
muahaha

...
for.. the past 2 years... well...my life really sucked. and.. i hope that now.. that ive been given a second chance.. i really pray that i can undo all the mistakes ive created in the past.

i used to ..be very overly emotional.. cry at every small thing.. shun my friends away.. i used to... not trust any1. and.. yeah i still dont. but.. its better now. and.. well.. i used to be intimidated by really small things.. no self confidence, yeah. i didnt care that i got retained, or put in na or whatever. it was a really stupid mindset... haiz. i dont want to remember. i wish i dont have to remember.. because .. haiz. it was really depressing lah...

eiiyuh. i dont want to think about that.
too much info.
EIIYURHHH!!!!!! . . . . . . . . . . . .

hahas. anyway,
i'll go buy books on the 12 dec... cant wait till then... bookshop was closed when i went just now .. RAWR!!! ..
hahahaha...
i cant wait!
oh man...
hahahaha...

hahas..
i have 2 testimonies to share for cg later.. 1st is that.. well,

k
1ST:
im really happy, that because this sunday, the 2nd dec, i thought that i either couldnt make it for service, which is the 1st at jw church, or i couldnt make it for the 1st z2h drums lesson..before this sun, the lessons were just music theory. (im going later for that too) ... but, yesterday, when i went there, one of the instructors said that this sunday's lesson is cancelled! so i dont have to miss anything, and can go service! :D :D
SO HAPPY LAH!!!!
haha

2ND:
my results :)
that i passed, after the 1 mth of going back to lesson, and i didnt know what the results would be like.. so.. i was really scared, because i did pon, and.. i did sleep in class... i didnt pay attn, i didnt do my best. but.. nearing the end i really did try my hardest, the dumbest thing i did, was staying up till 2.30am to do some science reflection, and.. one of the 5 reflections i did, was 1800+words long. it took 30 mins to complete. so.. thank God for his grace! because by that, i was able to Not get retained! in the end, every1 in the sec1, 2 class were promoted! :D but.. one of the persons in the sec 3 class got retained. one was still have to see... hahas..
THANK GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D :D :D :D :D :D

PTL for this! :D

hhaha
...
oh ya
i oso have to remember to print out the who's testi..

haha

THANKYOU, GOD!
i love his miracles, i love his grace.
i love this.
:)
thanks...

I PASSED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
im gonna be in 3d! combi4, sci(B/C), SSG, LIT :)
muahaha!!!
PRAISE THE LORD! ! ! ! !
hahas..
so happy lah! ...
haha! now i have 2 testimonies to share for cg :)
hahas... cant wait..
finally no more stress...
im so happy!!!!
THANK YOU, GOD!!!!!!!!!!

mu546 10am. departure
.........thats alvina's flight's name...
going china? 3 weeks? ....
haiz.....
so many things going through my mind nw.

...
alvina.
we will miss you, alright?
.....
.....
.....
wherever you are.. wherever you may be... we love you. we'll pray for you, we'll... oh man... we'll miss you. take care.

.......
alvina...

haiz...
3 WEEKS LEH!!!! ....
...

ok lah. i cant type out exactly what im feeling now. because its not a good thing. and.. yeah! ...
haiz..

anyway..
today.. was like.. dead ..
7am - eliz goh waked me up to pass her sch pe shirt
4pm - leave house go mrt?! meet fren
6.45pm - meet isma and valerie, eat dinner wit dem
7.45pm - rushing to get to henderson industrial park, z2h music theory lesson...
9pm - lesson ends. it was extended 30 mins. because it started 20 mins late.
9.40pm - meet fren again at queenstown
11.40pm - reach home.
blah.

this was my stupid day.
it really is really... slow! ....
usually there are alot more things i have to rush for
like tuition or.. last time, karate.. or.. now, z2h lessons.. or.. hmn.. GETTING TO SCH ON TIME! ...
bleah...
come to think of that, im really scared, that.. well... my results are getting back tomorrow. im really scared... i know, i must have faith, and believe, and thank God no matter what! .. but... im really scared..... GOD.... youre thoughts are higher than my thoughts.. your ways are higher than my ways.. everything about you is higher than everything about me.. im your servant.. do to me as you will... but... even a servant at the table can take from the crumbs of the bread the father gives to the children...

the bible tells us not to worry... i wont worry!...
but... i feel so .. GOD...

....
i feel so .. useless.. this is the 1st time ive felt like this in a really long time..so.. yes! ... im miserable! ... and i think that the reason why.. is really dumb.. so dumb.. that i wont bother blogging it. i cant do anything right, man... shit lah..... oh well. my wrong. my mistakes. my Error. my Troubles, My Life.
..
thank God that God exists.
...
haiz.
i really do feel like shit now..
whats wrong with me.
...
thinking back,
God spoke to me this revalation, that im NOT too young to do things i want to do. i cant just sit here and wait for perfect conditions, ACT NOW. i have to move out of my confort zone.

...
but its so hard..
i tried. honestly, i tried. but thing is, i only gave it 15%. i didnt go all out to do the 100%. and now its too late. because if i start doing the 100%, for one thing, its already too late to ask. i have 6hours and 15 mins more, to get there. is that enough? ... doubt it. Highly doubt it.

i dont even think i can be there. i dont even think i can wake up! ..
what kind of shit friend am i man... haiz...
oh man...
im so scared about this.....
haiz!!!!! ....
kanasai.
...
....
oh well.
i have no mood to post on what i intended to say just now anyway.
so what the hell?
and heck.
kanasai!
:D
so happy!
i kanaed sai!
it drop on me and my life is like SHIT!
....

NEW TOPIC:

GOD.
whatever happens.
youre my God,
and
i trust you for my results.
let your will be done.
please make me
everything you want me to be
i am yours.
your property,
and you cleansed me with your life, your blood
along side with every other person.
and.. God, please help me through this. i dont know what willl happen, honestly, and im really afraid of it. GOD. help me.. please...
in jesus name..
i pray this prayer.
it will be answered.
because God has a firewire cable,
and all the Broadband in the world is his. and he is reading this post, this prayer,
on his 150, 200 inch screen.
and..
God.
please. you did a miracle already. you did something i totally did not expect.
i pray for this to be another miracle.
God.
i have faith.
I WILL BE IN EXPRESS.
I DONT CARE HOW MANY PEOPLE WILL PUT ME DOWN,
HOW MUCH MOCKERY AND HOW MUCH PEOPLE WILL LAUGH AT ME.
I WILL DO MY BEST.
I WILL NOT GIVE UP
I WILL FIGHT THE GOOD FIGHT AND FINISH STRONG.
GOD.
i am
yours.
your child.
and,
"so if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly father give good gifts to those who ask him" matthew 7:11
and, one of the most basic verses...
"Keep on asking, and you will receive what you ask for. Keep on seeking, and you will find. Kep on knocking, and the door will be opened to you. for everyone who asks, receives. everyone who seeks finds. and to everyone who knocks, the door will be opened."matthew 7:7-8

God, i ask for this. i ask to be put into express next year. i ask for a Good class, a Good future!
God. so many things i want to ask for.
God, i ask for alvina's safety. i ask for her complete, and total protection.
God, i ask for wendy's safety. i ask that she stays safe, wherever she goes in m'sia.
God, i ask for blessings to come upon w387. i ask that they will be blessed financially, physically, and in Whatever ways that are possible!
God.
youre a Good god.
youre our father.
our abba father.
i trust in you
youre the Only person i can trust with a hundred percent.
and,
GOD,
Thank You. I Know that i will go into express, I Know that all the things i asked for will come to pass.
BY FAITH.
I CLAIM THIS.
I WILL GET INTO EXPRESS.
ALVINA AND WENDY WILL BE SAFE, OVERSEAS.
W387 WILL BE BLESSED
God.
you know me, inside and out. you know i dont like to pray, so i blog my prayers.
you alone know why.
and i want it to stay that way.
in jesus name, i pray.
Amen.

hellos :)
im back!
haha
wedding dinner :)
hahas..
felt so lost!

hahas..
hahahah.. eat until so full lah!!
lolz
the ironic thing was, that i dont think ive even seen my relatives, who were getting married, before today...
haha
oh well
:)

i hope dey live the rest of their lives, in a happy ever after :)
I DO I DO!!!

what am i doing, actually...
i dont even know..
i dont know where to go from here..
i dont know who to turn to..
i feel like ive went the wrong way, so far that i cant backtrack and find a way out.

how sucky is that.
..haiz...

if only.. if only i knew, for sure, what i do will lead to what...
i dont know, and..
well, its.. its these things that make life interesting right? ... but...
haiz..
im afraid of this.. i dont know where im going, what im even doing there...
kao bei..
thinking too much?

who knows...
haiz..
my dream..
will it ever come to pass...
its just a longing.. and..
haiz...

well, ive been told.. that..
being a nice person..
not neccessarily is a good thing..
and..
haiz
im so confused..
im really so confused...
haha..
cant keep using that excuse, that my brain slow..
what shit lah..

yea its slow.. but.. i think alot... and... oh well...
whats wrong with me...
oh man...
kao bei...
......
maybe im not supposed to do this?
help! ...
haiz..
wedding dinner tonight...
they are so lucky, that they found the right person. dey gonna have a future together.... lucky..
blessed?
i dont know..

hahahahahah
im crazy.
who the hell cares..
kao BEI!!!!
RAWRRR!!!


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA...
my brain seriously not working properly..
can feel its abit off
...
k,
very off.
MUAHAHAHA
BLEAHHHHH
......
lucky no1 is here to cam it down or anything.
im going insane
buahahaha

hahas
my 3rd post for today? ...
im this bored.
hahahahaha
oh well who cares.

anyway,
gonna dwell on this verse for awhile.
"love your enemies"
"if he slapps you on one cheek, offer to him the other cheek"
or something like that.
im too lazy to go check out what verse it is.
but heck,

loving your enemies.. i never thought it could be so hard.
loving God wholeheartedly, loving people ferverently.
haiyoh!
some ppl i really cannot tahan leh.
see them like wanna die liao.
haiyoh.....
so irritating. how to love enemies. haiz...
ok, so what does it mean, if he slaps you on one cheek, offer to him the other cheek"?
i dont understand.
does tat mean, if satan is my enemy, i should just let him disturb me, and offer more places for him to disturb?!

.....
no right! ... haiyoh. i dont understand....
anyway.. i see them just so bu shuang lah.
don know why either. ... rawrzz....
i'll go sleep. nite. have tuition in 15 mins. sian.
walao
i still cant register into my head, thats its holidays.
i still think that its school time.
i feel the same as when i pon sch.
waliao!!! ...
so sian.
zzz
k
bb
:)

so many things are running through my head and i apparently dont feel like blogging.

or maybe i should. i really have nothing else to do.

hello.
my name is eliz.
im not the girl many ppl think that i am.
under those smiles, under all that laughter..
i dont even know who i am.
ive said this before, im like a reflection of what every1 wants me to be
and ive done so much of being that reflection, i dont even know who i am anymore..
i hate this, being average at everything and not being exceptionally good at something.
maybe its feeling lack of self worth. i always feel inferior to every1.
i dont know why!
issit my race?
im like rojak! neither here nor there. and it sucks.
other ppl call it "UNIQUE"
tell you, my ass lah.
its different.
i knew from young that i can never fit in with the crowd because of my race.
is that why im different? i mean. i DONT fit in with the crowd.
and at times i actually like it.
and at times it makes me really sad.
sad that i'll never, no matter what i do, i mean.. i cant change who i am.
im mixed blood, many ppl are. but.. haiz.. idk lah.

maybe i SHOULD just do something, expertise at something, be Better at others at SOMETHING, and then i'll feel that im worth something. because now, i feel like dead weight.
i mean, think about it.

if i die, who will miss me? have i done anything that ppl will remember me for?
i want to be remembered. i dont want to just live for the sake of living.

im different. i know that much. and im a CHILD OF GOD. i want to fit in, and at the same time, be unique. is that possible?

why.. why do i always feel inferior... i cant really let go of the past.. and it sucks... haiz..

i dont want to be the problem in others lives, i dont want to add to their problems... what do i live for?

haiz..
if theres just one life that i can change, i'll thank God for that with everything. i'll thank God, that ... that at least i can save somebody. at least i made a difference. it may be small. but. at least i did something.

and i dont want to stop there... i havent done anything worth saying yet.. but one day i will... hopefully? i dont know. honestly i dont know. im really very confused, and my this blog post isnt making much sense. i wish i can help.

i dont want to just stand here, and watch the days go by... and see others get saved, and im staying stagnant. i dont want to stay stagnant when others arent. i Never want to stay stagnant. i never want to backslide ever again. i dont want it. im really confused. shit. but i know this much.

always do what is right.
because it it right.

i'll do my best. i have a conscience, and it guides me. i dont know about the holy sprit, or God, or anything. i love God. i dont know whether he exists or not. there isnt proof.

and its hard to believe he exists, without evidence. how do we know! .... there are so many religions, how will we know which one to follow..
all their religions, all their customs... bla bla bla... i know that we can sense God's presence, but.. how do we know who god is..

Yahweh-Yireh...
are you real?
the thing im scared of is.. that i do his will, and in the end , and i mean the end, when i die, i realise that theres no heaven and no hell. then i would have done everything for nothing. and whats worse, i would have, all my life, relied on something that is nonexistent. im afraid of getting hurt like that....

but.. yeah, i thought of that before..
i guess..
well...
God, whether he is real or not,
has done miracles, and made sad people happy. even if he does not exist, he.. he can change people for the better.

and, well i mean.. i know i shouldnt say this, but.. even he does not exist, it will profit more if i believe in him. and..well, it is comforting. he is comforting.

and, i still believe he exists. i don care how many ppl can come up to me and give me a million and 1 reasons why he is a fake. why should i listen to the world. we are in the world, but not of the world. God can do miracles. i have never seen such a powerful congreation from another race. i dont care. God exists. we are not evolved from monkeys. confusing shit. rawr/...

im thinking too much.. zzz... oh well. anyway. i'll stop here. i know that this post dosent really make sense, but its what im thinking now. i want to be a blessing, and it really is a burden to me that i have not been. on judgement day, how will i tell god? ive done nothing for you. ive been a taker, and not a giver. i dont know. i dont care. but i dont want it. i want to have a long resume, and tell him what ive done, i want .. i want his attention, his love. but i also want to see others get saved. i want them to be happy, because its not fair that i can live such a happy life when they cant.

HELLO!!!
i had a dumb dream!

i was wit i think..eh... w387 and n402? idk
because in my dream i remember there were 2 ppl from 387, nt including me, and 1 person from 402... rawr! ... hahas...

was near a lake, den the structure above the lake, (structure: like hdb shelter like that) , me and the 402 human wanted to climb.. den in the end go swim in the lake! ... and it was really dumb, because the two 387 ppl were laughing at me, i was in sch uniform, so i take out the pinafore, because its 2 layers de.. and idk why, but it was a white shirt underneath. hahas! so pai seh!!! but somehow got in the water, and didnt feel wet. -.- so me and the 402 human was swimming! and the current wash us away, den we ended up swimming, treading water, in some dam cartoony cave like thing, that looked really familiar. i think i dreamt of it before. and.. what was ironic, is that i realised that my phone was with me, in a zip loc bag! and.. my white shirt wasnt wet, so... wats really ironic, is that i wasnt wet, and the zip loc bag was keeping the water in it. so my phone was wet, when i wasnt. -.- DUMB LAH!! and i was in the water wit the 402 guy! hahas.!!!! then there was a big big school of fish coming towards me!!!! waliao i scared leh... kao beii!!!!!!! .... wanna hide my face... so dumb. today i realised. im scared of fish being in the water when im in the water -.-.. SO DUMB LAH!!!!!... the n402 human come out of the water go jump into some hole thing.. den i folo, den i wake up. -.- DUMB LAH!!!!

SO FREAKY!!! was so cartoonish.. because everything was colourful.. like those kind of ... kiddy shows like..erh..... idk some fairy tale lah! -.-
bleah..

hello
im in sch nw
nothing to do.
the font here is really dam big. like we blind like that, cannot see hav to use this method.
anyway, its like a miracle today,
because im not tired.
hahaah
slept for 4 hours, yest. blah!... stayed up till 2 doing the damn assignment... shit lah! ...
haiz

mdm mas said that i gotta let go of the past, and thats its ok to ask for help. haha. tharshini oso said to me, "any problem you have just go tell mdm mas la!"

haha..
diaonz..
what do they know :)
...
its not that simple.
i cant tell even a counsellor everything.
for one thing, i dont even know what should i say, or where should i start. haiz.. now i just feel really panicky. im really really worried about the results... haiz.. i hope i dont get retained! ... cant be overconfident. shit lah.

.... stupid pig reached home safely. thank God. ..... toopid pig. damn ass pig. diao....
hahas.
.
..
...
i cant believe that i said fuck about 10 times yesterday. its been so long since ive used vulgarities. at the worst is just kao bei kanasai... is kanasai a vulgarity? idk.. hahahah... anyway.. yesterday is a blank again. dammit lah! i always fall asleep at the wrong timing like that. grrrh.....

hope vincent's ear is ok... donno what happen! ... haiz.. jialat lah. every1 is going deaf slowly. are earphones actually a blessing or a curse in disguise. -.- .... SIAN LAH! ...

lesson started. i dont care anymore. im just too lazy to go, and anyway, tharshini said that lesson will start at 11.45. yep, i learned my lesson. dont follow the crowd. know what? my hair senget again. donno why yesterday, it was straight :) .. now, like on fri, its slanting again. sian lah! ....alwiz like that. i feel hungry. its recess now. no heart to eat. no mood to eat. anyway i think theres gonna be pizza that the sch bought for us later. so i don ahve to spend any $$$ today. thank GOD, because the z2h 25 dollars i havent pay yet. blah! som more eugne's 50... waliao i feel so dead. at least finished building fund for nov liaoz :)

take care, alvina, while youre in china.
if youre reading this,
we will really miss you.

PTL! for everything. everything then, everything now, and everything yet to come.

HEY!
Z2h WAS GREAT!!
haha.. at least the commencement date was.
i feel really intimated, because i saw how hard the drums actually were. TOOPID EUGENE TAKE GUITAR!!!! haha.. i dont even know whether its confirmed, because he didnt pass me the form back. EUGENE! plz return it to me, and tell me when youre back in singapore :)
they briefed us, played 1 icebreaker game, and ate, then fellowshipped. they arent christians, some of them, but they still fellowhsipped, and that was great :) .. on the way there, i met valerie and isma at redhill, and saw hanwee and garrick and khoon fai at the place itself. COULDNT RECOGNISE HANWEE!! SORRY!!!!!!!! hahahah... anyway, sterotypes, thats our band name, sorry eugene, cannot change to backstage pass, didnt submit the form i think.. donno lah!.. anyway, we got lost, so we cabbed. and it was really a ULU place!!! .. oh man.. industrial park. it was so scary lah, from the outside. it looked dilapated! sorry, but it really did. GRRRH!!!! k... haiz. anyway, inside, WOW. nothing to say. just look at all the instruments i feel like waliao wan die liao. the guitars are so cool!!! and dey got dono how many some more... although im learning drums, there was one person who played guitar with me, and taught me basic barring. he said it took him 3 months to play F chord. well.. his guitar was acoustic. my dumbass guitar is CLASSICAL AND IT SUCKS!!!!! .. haiz.. waliao.. anyway i cant even play. i still wanna be a cg guitarist one day. that person who played wit me said i can be, eventually. i felt encouraged, because i didnt tell him i wanna play for cg. he asked, i think. anyway, wow. the drums are freakin hard. there was one group from manjusri i think.. OH YA! THE MOST DEVASTAING THING!!!...
majority are guys -.-
.... ... .haha...
nah
don really care
...
its just abit more awkward. because hello, im in a gers sch. its abit awkward. valerie feels the same, isma.. i donno lalalalal... hahaha! ..isma made alot of new frenz. i din know she was that outgoing, honestly. its good la :) :D .. hahas...
cant wait eugene and janice, who i really have never met before.. to come... wonder how janice looks like.. chio? donno leh.. i hope she don feel intimated by racism.. because some1 thought i was filipino. and.. well.. she will hav more prob than me. -.-.. die lah waliao.
anyway
i'll try my best to commit to this programme, because it is something i Want to do, not something im forced to do. if i have to go for sat services, so be it. i dont care. i want this. :) i'll try.
its really gonna be hard.. GOD HELP ME! :D .. haha....
i will never forsake him ever again.

haha...

met w387 and n402 after the whole thing was over.
went fellowship, watched the full dress rehersal of the children's church drama, WHEN I GROW UP!.. haha.. dey are So Cute!!! .. hahhas... its so cute lahh... can see all the effort dey put into it. i feel so jealous! that the children all have dreams, and i have none. time to start thinking :) ... bleah.... zzz.. hahahaha... :D

haha..
i hope it is a great sucess, the drama. :)

after that, went with shanika home, took bus with her, den met robin.. blah... den when i finally reached home.. was like.. 11?12? .. idk.. anyway, waliao, I HAVE BEEN DOING HOMEWORK!!! CAN YOU SEE HOW MUCH EFFORT!!! ....

kk
this is 1 of the reflections ive done. its the whole reflection for 1 mth, which was actually what i thought would be like extra credit because i didnt hand up at all for 1 mth. PPL, PLEASE PRAY FOR ME. I DON WANNA GET LATERALLY TRANSFERRED! PLEASE PRAY FOR ME THAT I WILL STAY IN EXPRESS!!!!!!!! I REALLY NEED YOUR PRAYERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


THIS IS MY HOMEWORK, ONE OF THE 5 REFLECTIONS I HAD TO DO.
(sorry, excuse the crap that i wrote here. i wanted to make it long.)
Eliz k, 2b07,
Science reflection.

Teacher, this is the whole months reflection combined together. I’ll do my best to make it make sense, because I handed up my reflection late, whats more, I don’t even know whether will it get to you by Monday. I hope it does, I hope the teacher I pass it to will pass it to you, but in the scenario that she dosent, I hope you will forgive me for the late submission with this consolation, this Aces programme science reflection.

I don’t expect you to read it if you don’t want to, because its long. Well, I hope you do. Its just a reflection. Honestly, its just a reflection, and.. well. I cant remember when the events took place, so that’s why im compiling everything into this. :)

This science lesson started out normally, it was like normal school lessons. The first experiment we did, which was measurements, was altered, because it rained. We had to measure school benches, and school canteen tables. Initially, on the worksheet, we were supposed to measure the length of the school field. We couldn’t, because of the rain. That was abit disappointing, because it would have been a challenge to measure that distance. It is long! So, it would have been hard to keep it exact, and not off by.. say, 15 cm? but, anyway, the experiment, as I have said in the earlier reflections, served as a good revision exercise.

Some time after that, we measured the volume of an egg, which we brought from home. It was done as pair work. We measured the length, and height of the egg to. We used string. it was hard, because we could not pin point the exact perpendicular direction to the egg, so we estimated. We did it 3 times, and found the average. We found the egg’s mass too. The volume was the trickest. We had to use the displacement method, in which we used a tripod stand, where there was a displacement can above it, and there was a measuring cylinder directly below the displacement can’s spout. The displacement was filled with water, till the brim, all excess water flowed out, and we tied the egg to a string and gently lowered it down. We measured the volume of the egg from the measuring cylinder. We had to write down the steps all on a worksheet, together with diagrams.

Later in the month, week 1 or 2 or 3, I cannot remember, we went to the science center. It was a good experience, we heard a lecture about hurricanes. It was actually quite a good lecture. The lecturer got most of the students interested during the 1st half. However, during the second half, some students, including me, started daydreaming. I tried to pay attention, but it was hard, honestly. He was really saying things that I didn’t feel had any relation to the subject. Things like the names or hurricanes in Australia? Willy willies? That seemed to be crap to me. But it was a good lecture, still. It was not only related to science, but also geography. After that, we went to the Omnitheatre, to watch a show on hurricanes, and the bayou, and how it affects us. It was really touching, because it put a lot of things from his lecture, which was really factual, into peoples daily lives, like how their family could have problems from it. There was a person who lived on the bayou, and his home got trashed by the hurricane. It was horrible. All the wetlands were getting destroyed. It made a point, that video, that we really do Have to conserve our earth, because we never know when we can die, and the wetlands do actually play an important part in sheltering us from the hurricanes. Although Singapore isn’t a hurricane zone, because it has protection from the neighbouring islands, we still shouldn’t be too careful, because other natural disasters could occur, like earthquakes. It will be really bad, if that happened. Whats worse, with the earth’s global warming now, Singapore, being a low lying area, could be totally submerged. Just like that, 4 million people could lose everything they have. Their homes, their families, their lives even. It really was a touching video, that made me think a lot.

That’s not all. We still had an experiment, in which we had to design and create a protection "device" for an egg, so that, when we throw it from a height of 3 metres, (aka, hall to floor) it will not break! I was really frustrated, because, for 1 thing, we had only 15 mins, limited materials, and no clue how to design it. At first, I was thinking inwardly while the teacher was explaining the project, “ok, the formula is written clearly. pressure=force/area of contact.”
These were my inward ideas: 1st idea: Make the surface area large. However, there was not enough newspaper. And since the whole area would not be the same weight, it would be imbalanced, and the egg would hit the ground hard, despite the surface area increase, which anyway, would be minimum.2nd idea: is was to put the egg in a balloon and drop it. This was dumb. Logic can tell you that it will have little difference, because of the imbalance, the egg will be at the bottom of the balloon, since it dosent have helium, and when it hits, it will still break... for another thing, the egg cannot even fit through the rubber tip of the balloon.3rd idea: Tie balloons around the surface area of the egg. The main idea is ,that when the device hits the ground, the impact will go to the balloons, and dey will burst, but the egg will remain intact. So the device would be, that the egg is surrounded by balloons on either side, so whatever side hits the ground, that side will get the impact, and the balloon will burst. At the same time, not all the balloons will burst, so the others will cushion the egg’s fall. We could not use this, because of limited supply of balloons.Finally, we had an idea that we could actually use, the fourth idea.

4th idea: was to tie a balloon to the top of the device, and put straws at the bottom.. this was the 2nd best option, considering there were not enough balloons. We did this, anyway, and it was very flimsy, because we had limited time to tie the straw, and didn’t have enough newspaper. So it really looked like something that could break anytime.At the experiment site, we saw alot of other groups’ devices, and theirs were really alot better than ours. Anyway, this is what ours was like. top, balloon. middle, egg wrapped in newspaper. bottom, straws . so, anyway, this is what happened basically. Tharshini dropped it, and by some reason, the Balloon hit the floor instead of the straw! so, all the impact went on the balloon! Our egg didn’t even have a crack!
It was really surprising, and made me really very happy. Because I was expecting the whole thing to just end up like scrambled egg or something. It was the last thing on my mind, that our group was one of the few groups’ who’s eggs did not crack. :D

After that, still some more time later, we learned about density. (g/cm3) I think that was really Good, because I really am not good at all with density. I never understood it, but now I do, better at least. Alright, much better. The teacher gave us an experiment for us to do, to show how the objects float and sink. It was fun! But the only bad thing was that the oil really smelled really bad. We did not have much quantities of the oil, salt solution, and water, because we used a beaker to do our experiment, so we could not see clearly what suspended and what floated. It was overcrowded in the beaker. The teacher showed us a Giant version of our experiment. She still did not use a lot of oil, so we could not see anything suspend. But the water had a blue dye, so it could be differentiated from the salt solution, which was colourless. I wish I could have taken a photo! The teacher also explained about israels’ dead sea, and that we can actually float in it, and it is because of the density of the salt water. Also, during that lesson, the teacher explained to us what maggots were, because she looked in the dustbin and saw maggots on the eggs we threw away. I respect her for that, because not many female teachers are daring enough to touch something that there are insects on. And maggots are very disgusting. She did not seem to care, the teacher, so I look up to her for that :)

We learned about elements also. That was actually quite easy. It was like a revision exercise, because I knew and understood, unlike density, what elements were. It was simple to me. But it was a good lesson. The Density I had problems with. Elements, the compounds, mixtures… were relatively easy. This I had to memorise, “what is the difference between a molecule of an element and a molecule of a compound? Molecules of elements have the same atom. Molecules of compounds have 2 or more of different atoms, chemically fused together.” There was this experiment, in week 4, in which we had 2 substances, iron filings, and sulphur filings. We mixed them, and then chemically fused them together by heating them. It was really a fun experiment, because its not everyday we can see the changes take place up close. The final mixture, I think was.. iron sulphide. The iron was grey, and the sulphide was yellow. The end result was dull black. Some1 stuck the plastic spatula into the substance and the plastic melted. So there were patches of white in the black. Also, the substance caught fire! It was put out quickly though.. :(

What made me really sad was that there was a test on the periodic table, and I didn’t remember anyone telling me about it. So I was unprepared. Whats worse, I apparently was blur enough to wait in class, when I knew there was science lessons. We were relased late, and I assumed that lesson would be held in class. So I waited there, and started worrying, how come only me, arena, and Vivian are here! Where is the class! I was really very scared, because I didn’t go for recess, and instead asked Loretta to help me buy food. In the end, arena and Vivian walked to the sci lab, and I felt like a idiot. Because I didn’t realise that lessons WAS, as usual, in the science lab. I felt really stupid. Because of that my attendance was affected. … the periodic table was hard. I didn’t know many elements. I was panicking so much that I couldn’t even remember what was the name of the weighing scale we used for the measurement of the egg. I didn’t even do a question I thought I could, properly. It was a stupid thing. Well, I feel used to that, that my blurness causes a lot of my problems. Still, it feels disturbing.. that im really that blur, and really that dumb to follow blindly.

Yes, this is all I have to say, because this is the whole reflection of the events that I can remember. Everything else is really a blur. Teacher, if you really took time to read this, thankyou. I know its long, but I feel really bad that I did not hand it up on time. So I feel that this is my punishment. That I self inflicted? I don’t know. But, thanks.

thats it :) ...

please pray for me.. i dont think any1 will actually read this post, because its really damn long. hahaha.. k.. even i see oso sian dao. k lah. i did 5 reflections, and am really dam tired. time to sleep. will wake up in 3 hours. WOW. YAY ME! HALLELUYAH!
GOD I NEED YOU!!

please pray for me.
i really really really am desperate.
God. im really desperate.
PLEASE,
i thankyou in advance.
i know you will not let me down.
faith as a mustard seed moves mountains.
GOD
i BELIEVE, HELP MY UNBELIEF.
I BELIEVE YOU THAT YOU WILL HELP ME MOVE THIS MOUNTAIN.
AMEN.

helloz
i really cant be bothered to change my damn blogskin liaoz -.-
everytime wanna change.. den the toopid thing when i preview failure.
blah!
STUPID DAMN BLOGSKIN
-.-
make me waste so much time...
rawrz.....zz...

haiz
Yest was Great! almost overslept, was Cg sports day :)
hhaha... played captians ball and rounders? haha
*haha..come to think of it, when i young tat time i tot was cactus ball -.-*
BLAH!
.......
haha.. rounders is so confusing...
...
oh ya. dey chartered a bus to go for service, and in the end? .... about 7 ppl went. BLEAH. 25 empty seats. sucky. was pissed off abt that... haiz arh well...whatever. -.- ..... i emoed on the bus lar, anyway... contacts pain :)

....
haiz..
did i do the right thing..
i was really half asleep so cant really remeber anything..
did i do the right thing.. ?
haiz..


...
RAWR

.... im really confused..
haiz, today is z2h commencement date! ... i'll wait. till 8.15 den i go bathe.. get ready... haiz, i should have woken up earlier go wit dem fellowship at least... haiz ... i feel So Bad. this really sucks. i might not be seeing alvina... for who knows how long. i hate this larh... dam missing services. this sucks. ZZZ..... this is the last service at expo. yesterday, the presence was dam strong... can really Feel, the moment i stepped in, Literally! ... felt it so strong. i regretted not reaching there earlier... arh.. should hav told the dam uncle drive faster -.- .... haiz..
God oh God...
bless those going today...
take care of them...
let no harm come to them..
let them be strong, let them be touched by the word...
let them be warriors of faith, for your glory..
God...

haha.. apparently i find it easier to pray as typing...
hahas

God.. did i make a mistake?

i REALLY CANT REMEMBER!!!!! IM STILL SLEEPING MOOD NOW!!! CANT REMEMBER!!!! ...
brain not working properly...
haiz
...
mayb i'll find them at fellowship later...
hope they are there...oh well..
worst come to worst....
ok nevermind..
haiz
i wish there is some1 i can really rant to, instead of posting on this piece of shit blog -.- that the blogskin is so lan, sucks like shit. .....
damn song oso....OOKOK nevermind
christian song shouldnt say damn.. haiz
k.
sorry..
irritating, if play too many times... rawr..
i hate this ! ...
but im too lazy to change my damn blogskin... it will take me about 35 mins. serious. because all the ones i wan have preview error. -.-
so sucky.
haiz.
arh well.. k lar, its 0815. time to get ready.
WISH ME LUCK! ITS THE COMMENCEMENT DATE!!!!!
IM SCARED!!!!
!!!!!
meeting valerie and isma at redhill in 1 hours time..
better go nw.
hahaha
sayonara :)

Hello!
sch today..
haiz
feel so bad
overslept again.
so was late.
and
haiz
i found out today, that the whole programme ends on monday, and we get our final result on next friday.wah i Pray that i can get into express lah...!!! ... JIUMING!!! HELP!!! GOD GOD GOD.. i really wanna cry out nw... hey, ppl. PLEASE pray for me. im at that extent that i don mind kowtowing in the middle of orchard rd to my principal and beg her to keep me in express.... im that desperate. please help me! .. GOD I LIFT THIS UNTO YOU!!!!! HELP!!! I CANT DO THIS!

GOD, you did miracles for me b4.. please do 1 again... i Need you!!!!!

i have a zero to hero band :)
me- drums
valerie chia- vocals
isma- keyboards
janice- bass
eugene- guitar, backup vocals. :)

THANK GOD I FINALLY FOUND THEM!!!
hahas..

prob is
commencement date is the 25th.
and... well, the 25th is the last service we have at expo.

haiz...
i feel so sucky.
hope i can make it for fellowship at least...
oh man
..

i just ate stale food. taste really disgusting. can feel it in my throat now.. feels like i gotta vomit or something. yuck. haiz... my idiot ma ate all the biscuits and chocolate. and im left with 6 hour stale food. YUCK. why did i eat that. haiz... feel so dumb. it tasted alright then.. haiyo!!!

haiz..
i feel so bad today, i wasnt able to protect her. well... k la i'll just say names.
i wasnt able to protect tharshini.
i dont know why the class hates her lah! its like.. what the hell...
...
*k.. found the chocolate, at least don taste so bad nw... im gonna get fat. arh who cares. *

yea, the class like everytime kachaio her like that... i feel so burdened, because i befriended her, and... well, i feel against the class now. haiz.. 1 more week of this hell to tahan. waliao.
fatin dey all... go take her charm bracelet that her bf gav her.. and threw it around.. i feel so USELESS. i felt like such a bad friend.... haiz... what am i man... what am i doing man... =.= .... at least im not hated, too, but.. i feel so heartbroken cuz of this. a whole class ganging up to bully some1... she.. is strong enough to ignore it la, but.... haiz... oh MAN! why do i keep getting myself into all these problems. always. always, i feel like this. haiz.. one day i hope i can protect her.

haha.. after sch, met alwin, zhu na tan, kenneth, nicholas, shan and vivian :)
BOUGHT JING YI's PRESENT!
haha.. den went kopitiam eat...
was a really Good time.
felt like pg gang again.
felt like the past again.
:)
HUISHAN'S GONNA BE IN NEWSPAPER AGAIN!!!!
so good lar!!!
haha..
:D

...
oh ya, after that, went vivian's hse. shanika came for awhile, den left wit shan to meet beeleng i think? .. donno.. haha .. den alwin came to teach vivian maths tuition. i felt so EXTRA!!! .. hahas.. anyway.. i hope i wasnt too much of a distraction... hahas..i finished my homework :) ... hahas... feel so happy.

then alwin left, me and vivian went to help huishan see the schs... for her sec? .. haha
i felt so bad! .. i think i made a bad choice, and.. wasted my sec 1.. or else i will be such a different person.... haiz.. so wasted. hope its not too late.

thinking abt going back to hockey. i dont want to be a quitter, and i really do like hockey. i just feel intimidated... haiz.. why AM I INTIMIDATED BY ALMOST EVERYTHING!! ZZZ! ...

oh well... today will be a short post. i dont have anything to say. im really confused, and stil really lost. i still need a guide through this. i made a BIG mistake. im not even sure what i did. haiz. im this blur!... wth!!! zzz... k lah...

god bless you.
keep on believing.

haiz.
whats the point of wishing.
when wishes are just wishes,
without action, they are impossible to achieve.
isnt that the same with prayers?
faith without works is useless.

we are the salt of the earth, light of the world. but if the salt has lost its flavor, how can it be made salty again? it is worthless except to be trampled underfoot by men. i still dont understand that verse, but suddenly thought of it.. haha..

haiz
i just want to be a blessing. i dont want to be a taker all my life. i dont want to be the problem in others lives, i want to help others solve their problems... haiz.. im still struggling with problems of my own.. "HYPOCRITE! first remove the log in your eye before you deal with the speck in your friends'" luke something i think... i dont know... i feel like that hypocrite..

haiz.. jiuming lar... i cant do this for much longer..
i dont know what to think, dont know what to believe.

AHHHH... help..
ive made a really big mistake.

what can i do？ blog blog blog.. isnt there something...
i am so tempted to just really take my life.
but how can i just turn my back and run away from my problems.
how can any1 just turn and run from their problems!
be a coward?
hide?
....
how can i hide.
ive hidden for 13 years.
time to come out.
time to face to world head on, heart, and soul intact.
how i still dont know.
all i know, is that now im feeling really beaten up and scarred.
i feel used, i feel hurt, i feel dumb, i feel sucky.
haiz
ppl have gone through worse things than this
they are still strong, in faith, they dont falter...
why do i keep on falling down.
i mean
k
they fall down too
but they always can get back up again.
how come when i fall
i stay on the ground
when others get up.
why?
that sucks... ... ... ......

haiz...
i feel so u s e d . . .

why?
donno

but how do i change that.
how do i be all i can be.
how. how how how how how.
i cant just sit around and wait to be spoonfed, right?!

im not that immature. and if i am, then shame on me! ... haiz.. i feel like some bodo toking to myself, but heck. if im a mental case, then so be it. i know who i am. im a child of God. and no amount of problems satan deals out unto me, no matter how hard im gonna be presssed on either side, top and bottom, no matter how many obstacles come my way, God. im still living for you. im not perfect. but i Love you. i dont know why, i dont know how. but. GOD. youre my God. now, and forever. your will be done, not mine. my problems are only a quadrant of a droplet as compared to your ocean. you have worse things to deal with. theres ppl in the world who dont give up, and reach their goal. i want to be like them.. i want that kinda determination. but.. i want to serve God . with all my heart and all my soul. i cant just talk the talk, i have to carry out what ive learned in the four walls into the marketplace, in the marketplace, for the marketplace, to Penetrate the marketplace. so what if i have no time. so what if my brain feels dead. so what!... so what if im young? ... i felt God spoke to me about this, during pastor ulf elkman's preaching, So WHAT if youre young. who says youths cannot do great things for God's will. who says that you have to wait until you are all that before you take a step of faith and do something? ... beeleng said, dont wait for a perfect situation, because it will never come. do things you can NOW, where you are NOW. and you will move UPWARDS.

life never ends.
even at death, what is death... your body dies, but your soul lives on. its like.. when you ahve a baby.. its just another thing like you.. another ghost like you has just been created. haha... i wonder what colour souls are :) ... and its scary, because you dont carry your achievements to the next world, or heaven or hell or that waiting area... whatever it is. i dont care.
i will do what im supposed to do.
i'll be what im supposed to be
nothing Satan does or says can put me down.
he may be able to distract me, he might be able to slow me.
but im not at a complete stop, im not moving backward.
and even if i am moving backward, HE WHO IS IN ME IS GREATER THAN HE WHO IS IN THE WORLD. my God will come and push away every hurt, he will bring peace into my life, and i will be on the right track, in the right direction again.
GOD i give you my heart, i give you my soul. i live for you alone. every breath i take, every moment im awake. Lord have your way in me. im yours.

im yours.
i'll do what you want me to
regardless of whether i want to.
i'll do the best i can
i'll try to do the best i can
i'll remove that toopid log.
and then i can help .. who knows? millions, remove their speck.
and they will see, well enough,
to help a million others, each, to remove theirs.

Amen.
GOD.
i trust you.
i dont know when it will come, i dont know what i should do, and i dont know whether i should trust or not, i dont know, what is expected of me. but. i trust you. if no one else, i trust you.
you are my Lord. you have my Heart in your hands. mould it, refine it, as you set me apart. i want to run to the altar, and catch the fire, i want to stand in the gap, between the living and the dead. i want a heart of compassion, for a world without vision, i WILL make a difference, in this land.

GOD.
i dont care who laughs at me, i dont care who lies to me, i dont care who backstabbed, who tricked, who mocked, who cheated, who betrayed me. i will love my enemies.

its not a worldly thing to love ppl that dont love you.
its easy to love those who love you, but how about those who dont? ...
GOD.
plz.
help me love every1 equally...
i want to be the salt of the earth, light of the world.
with you on my side, i can shine for you.
With you, all things are possible.
i will be happy
i may not be emotionally ok right now, but
i know with you, things will get better.
im still not ok, but soon.
GOD. SOON.
THANKYOUINADVANCE.
for all the things i will have.
i will have a happy life,
impacting ppl's lives to make them happy too!
i dont want to see them suffer.
i dont want to suffer.
so GOD.
everything, i lift it up into your hands
do unto it what you want.
God.
i give you my life.
again.
Amen,
I Love You.

im really so confused. feel like taking my life.
so suddenly...
haiz
i feel like a letdown. whats wrg wit me? i tot cuz i fasted today things wld be ok.
things arent ok.
why?
...
i feel so dead, feel so useless.

if i were to die now, what do i have to show for it?
did i impact any1 in their lives? did i accomplish anything? did i be the best i can be?
no.

i didnt do anything that ppl will remember me for.
am i really that bad?

YEA.


...
haiz..
cried today, slept for 3 hours. zz... as in, afternoon slept for 3 hours.
waked up to bad news.
sux.

...
feel so alone. and who cares right? as long as dey have them, who will want me. even i dont want me. can i just jump down. am i straying too far... haiz!!!!

i hate this. i cant even go back for service. i hav to go on sat. how freaking sucky is that.?! the hell la...

i hate this..
...

WHY!!!!!!!

i feel so alone. alone alone alone, lost lost lost lost dead dead dead dead dead. DEAD DEAD DEAD DEAD DEAD DEAD DEAD
...
God.
why.
do i have like.. some brain problem or something.. -.-
how come i always feel this way.
can i just take my life?
should i just take my life?
22 storeys down.
what if i dont die...
maybe i should go swallow all the panadols at home.
see what happens
maybe i should run out to the road
and get hit down.
then will i be happy?

im scared.

how...
how how how...
THIS IS A CRAP POST.
ive poured so much of myself onto this damn blog. whoever just reads it will know everything they want to know abt me. issit that simple?
God.
i cant see God.
i cant feel God.
ok, i can feel God.
but i only feel God during services prayer and worship.
and...
this sun i cant make it.
does that mean im gonna dwell in despair, desperation, depression for the whole week?
... what will that make me be? will i start cutting myself again? will i sink lower and lower ..

God. life is so unfair. i want to do your will. i cant. i cant and i pray that you give me the strength to. and make my heart willing. because right now im just sitting in this comfort zone that slowly is getting less and less comfortable.

i cant be all that i want to be.
and i dont know why. maybe im not good enough? maybe im just not smart enough, maybe im weird! ... maybe.. maybe im not like the rest of my classmates that i may be considered an outcast. who knows whats the problem. God, i know you love me for who i am. i know that im your child. but so many lies are starting to blur that vision i have. what if i cant do it. time and time again. how can i try again. ive let them down. so many times ive let them down. cant do anything right. how do i just pickup myself and try again. issit really that simple! ... God... i wish i can see you face to face, with me, and... i wish i didnt feel like this anymore.
i really want to die. i feel as if im half dead and half ghost or something. feelings are numb. emotions are numb. numb to the pain, numb to the hurt, numb to the lies, numb to the truth.

im like a reflection, that reflects everything ppl want me to be. but who am i actually. have i lost my own face in that many pools of faces. where is mine! .. i dont want to in the end, go to Gods kingdom, and realise, where is my name?! ... why am i not there?! why is all my friends there but me. then i will be cast into the fire, " where there is weeping and gnashing of teeth." ... i DONT WANT TO WEEP IN THE NEXT LIFE OR WHATEVER!!! i dont want to weep now!

i want to be happy!
why am i not happy! ...
how much torture can this inflict. how much fear does it take before it starts to penetrate through. its burning me frm within... God. i cant trust, i cant love, i cant this, i cant that.

i cant trust others, that they care for me. i cant believe you love me. i cant believe others love me. i cant! .. i CANT DO THIS ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ...

God...
i hate myself.

why am i like this. i want to be a blessing. what do i have to do to be all that i want to. does this post mean anything? what can it mean. im still the same person. im still the same, nothing has changed. im still that overly emotional, perceiving, judgemental... fucker?

...
why do i feel things are getting harder since building fund.
God i want to know you.
You know i want to know you.
but thing is,
i dont know what to do now.
if i make this many mistakes, can God still forgive me? ... i feel like shit.

God, your love is unconditional.. but how do you love some1 you dont even know. how? God... am i thinking too much? i cant take this anymore!! honestly, i Cant take this anymore. im scared of what the future holds, what the past is, and what i should do in this fucking present.

JIUMING JIUMING JIUMING JIUMING JIUMING!!!!!!!!!!!

today in sch, we did our goal setting. i realised that there is that chance i will be pushed to normal, because my attitude really Sucks. but thing is, if im in normal.. i'll feel so much more intimidated then how i feel now. im so stressed out. yest some1 said that i hav white hair. i really feel so stressed out.... nid to breathe in, out, in, out

but that don solve the problem, how? ... haiz. i feel so useless. maybe i was wrong to do this in the 1st place. maybe i should have just be contented at where i was, and not tried to move forward. then i wouldnt get embarassed and i wont feel like shit nw.

GOD.... JIU MING

hello :)
im in sch nw...
its really cold.
so... im freezing X]
not feeling too well.. dont know why either... -.- zzz...
anyway,
i will always remember
20/11/07.
and i hav no idea why.
JIUMING JIUMING!! im DAM CONFUSED!
=.=
z z z z

feel like hundaoing lah.. so cold.
everytime the aircon blows a breeze towards me i feel like dying.
cant type fast on this keyboard either.
hhahaah.. im complaining alot :)

oh YA!!!
mdm mas said that i always look sick.

so i giv the this face.. O.O"
HUH?
-.-
diaoz...

was thinking.. really meh? ... im ok what. im just tired. zzz.... dots! ... haiz... feel like going back for cca... but.. scared that if i go back, the ppl will like... you know, ... -.- aiya, im scared i get ignored. ... i guess... because i didnt go for like.. 6 mths?! ... so.. if i suddenly turn up, som more all the sec1s will be better than me, not to mention the sec2s.... my cca is hockey by the way. -.- ... i will be the WORST!..... so pai seh. GOD!!!!!!!!

im attempting to fast today, ask God for an ans.
*this keyboard is really hard to type, so its making alot noise. lucky the sch library is almost empty :) *
yea. came out of the bathroom, saw my ma on my bed, eating biscuits. wa... THAT WAS TORTURE LAH!!!!!! zzzz
feel like dying.
dont know what to do.
think i made a mistake.
ok,
Many MISTAKES.
im so confused. >.<'''
feel like hiding my head in my hands and crying non stop.
thing is, for some reason, i cant cry as easily as last time. tears don flow so fast liao.
last time is wah!
any small thing...
*sniff sniff*
-.-
DIAO...
this seems to be a long post. ... haha..

k
i will make it longer.
i have time :)
15 more mins till class starts.
heh heh heh heh heh.
MUAHAHAHA
=.=

...
k,
yesterday.
i woke up. felt sick. kept sneezing. so pa say don go sch. den, i was happy! so i went and play com for awhile, eat breakfast... then.. valerie smsed me abt what happen, den she called me. her day was dam suay la... haiz.. morning, ma din wake her up, so her pa scold. she was late for guitar, (her cca is guitar) ... den, well.. no more sch guitars to use. so she sat there like an idiot, staring at every1 else, den she sneaked out of the sch compound and called me and went my hse. den she explain to me exactly what was wrg la... den.. wa.. i feel so bad, because she cried. she called her pa den her pa.. scolded her.. called her things i cant imagine that she is. so... she cried! ... haiz... so i went wit her back to sch, which was really dumb, because we walked from the back gate, which was locked, to the front gate. and all the gates in between, we tried them. and.. it was real dumb, all were locked. we walked around like idiots. :D ... so... yeap! went to sch. saw her pa at the bookshop. he was supposed to meet her after guitar to buy her books. so... he had a black face la! was a really tense situation. zzz!!!!! DIAO... so she went home wit her pa, i took the bus. she smsed me that she kena big scolding in the car. i feel so useless. haiz... and one more thing, i really regret NOT BRINGING MY DAMN IPOD. so sian la, the bus ride back home. haiz.. just hope shes ok. T.T'''

God oh God...
i dont know what else should i post.
feel really limited.
as in,
i feel that my posts have to be limited.
dont know why too... ZZZ!
k...
9 more mins, den lesson time.
what should i do for 9 mins.
rant rant rant!

muahaha...
i like this colour.
loud.
attract ppl's attn to read it.
X]
HAHAHA
... that was dumb.
k,
anyway, im in the library with tharshini now. its raining, and mdm mas is in a bad mood. i wanna sleep.
eh, no.
i wanna die.
die die die.
see my soul floating..
kk kk,
this is the scenario.
k,
emo ger,
at the top of the 22 storey building.
looking at fireworks. ... bla bla.. happy happy! theres a party going on downstairs. the emo ger is staring down at the floor. thinking abt laws of gravity.
she sits on the window ledge.
lift doors open. its empty.
she feels a gush of wind.
tears stream down.
she climbs onto the ledge. with her final breath.
she lets go of the scream she held inside for so long.
and..
freefalls down to the hard concrete floor.
Death has TRUIMPHED!!!
MUAHAHAHAHA!!!!

satan is happy.
God is sad?
friends dont even know.
they still party on.
*eh lol, just realised party on is a song title -.-*
DOTS!
k.
nevermind
that was crap.
imagine what its like to free fall down to earth, feeling the wind den.. the IMPACT.

BAM
like from here,
_________<--ledge
.
..
...
....
....
.....
.....
......
......
.......
.......
..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
..
TILL HERE, FLOOR,_____________________________

BAM!
IMPACT!!
DIE!
no lar, you will bounce :)
haha.. this is crap.
3 mins more till lesson.
im really bored.
maybe i have a fever! YAY DEN I CAN GO HOME! :D
but im lazy...
zzz
k
nevermind.
:P NEHH!!!

God.
I NEED YOU NOW MORE THAN EVER.
and i dont know why.
GOD . . . .
oh ya.
one more thing,
I FINALLY FINISHED EXODUS!!!!!!! ...
for the 2nd time.
HAHAS!

i hope that byt he end of this year, ic an finish the bible! that means.. hmmn.. 64 chapters in 40 days.
ELI JIAYOU ELI JIAYOU ELI JIAYOU!!!!!!!
THERES 1 MORE MIN LEFT!
TIME TO GO!!! T____T'''

plz tag me if you read finish this whole post :)
thanks
i wanna know who did, thats why.
X]
take care.
God bless,
and
dont fall down.

i cant believe it came back.
i thought i had gotten rid of it for good...
why do i have to be so stubborn.
...
haiz...
its gonna lead to my own destruction...
but i feel in the middle again.
nt here nt there
nt wit god nt wit man
in that space
haha..
floating
....
jiuming.

today is really a miracle day.
i cant even remember what went wrong the day before!
i cant even remember being so happy in my Life!
well.. it started out normally, bla bla.. overslept la, woke up at 7.30, which is 1 hour later den usual, and... well, LUCKY was nt late! :D ... so.. yeap :) ... exactly on the dot on time X]

den.. so. Thank God for that la!
and, well.. service. i had to find eugene. had to pass him a form, so told him to tell me when he reach. he didnt. so i was thinking.. waliao.. hav to find that bodoh! haha... so.. followed vivian go buy food... *in the end i oso buy lah* .. den... well, when we taking wallet tt time, i kiasu abit, go bring his form along -.- ... hahas! so.. i saw him. that saved the trouble! Thank God. i didnt hav to search the whole hall ... hahas!!!.. yeap :)

3rd thing, well.. CHOIR AUDITIONS WERE TODAY!!!
i was really scared. to be honest. well, i mean, almost Every1 was older than me. wth! ... so dey put us in groups of 5... so.. we.. sang la! :D ... and.. well, i was .. the youngest... the rest were like... 19+, and i know one of them was 25... haiz.. yea, so i felt pressurised. oso, that Adrain went la, i was expecting to be put in the same group as in, because we are in same cg... and..so before they grouped us, i felt at ease, because was thinking to myself, at least i know some1 there.. because dey really are STRANGERS. ... and lol, OLD STRANGERS! hhaha.. nah...zz... so it was scary lah. adrain's group was slower than mine :) ... so.. ok, we were briefed on what we had to do la, and.. well.. we sang 2 songs, great is our god, and God of my FOREVER!... haha.. ok, the pitching went well... ok, average.. haha.. ok lah!! BAD. i couldnt reach the high notes, as usual. i mean, WTH LAR! i HAVE A LOW VOICE!... zzz.. rawr!.. so.. yeap. i was really intimated by the "examiner", because she could sing notes that... ok, er... tatu? that singer/band.. she could reach their average note. which is really like.. 1 octave higher than normal, which is like.. WOW. tats really all i can say, WOW. i was SO JEALOUS!!!! HAHAHAH.. NAH!!!!.. lol.. anyway, it was scary lah! ...k, after that, we had to sing as a group and individual in front of the judges.. it was SUCKY!!!!.. ok, for one thing, k, the praise,Great is our God, the octave dey sang. i CANT reach it. so i was like.. trying and trying, and well, the sound was .. well, horrible. :) .. so... worship i hope i made up for that mistake... haiz, ok, this is the DUMB PART. when it was time for invidual, i FORGOT THE LYRICS!!!!!!! WTHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!..........it was the Dumbest thing i could ever do. Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb Dumb!!!!... haiz.. so i was like.. "God Of My Forever... eh.. sorry, whats next..?" haha.. dey had to say the lyrics out in the pause before each stanza so i could catch it!!! like WTH!!!! i really cant believe it larh...zzz. oh well... trusting God for a miracle there :) .... my Group members said that i hav a nice voice, but just don nervous can liao or something... sing louder.. yea.. something like that la... God... :D HELP ME! :D :D :D

k, after that we went fellowship. it was SIAN. i met them 1st, because adrain the Group was going pitching, when i left. den he say "you wan you go 1st la" so i go lo... den.. at changi, robin fetched me frm mrt, so i had a chance to pass him his cds, 3 emery and 1 underoath :) ... after that, in the staff canteen, dey all practically shouted in my face, "HOW WAS AUDITIONS!!! DID YOU GET IN???" .. .wah.. i was so touched.. didnt think dey will be like that lar... so.. i was really happy :)
PTL!

anyway *i got hiccups now* zzz..
it was sian at staff canteen... so zzz larh!! so.... was really sian lar, dey were sleeping. wendy and adrain, he come liao, and wendy fren,and vivian, and jing yi went off 1st, so only left pg gang... and Dey were sleeping :) .. well most of them larh... so.. i was real bored, and alwin and kokseng came over to our table, and we started poking the... er.. what is that... er....mussels? ham? yea... haha..and..well, we poked it till it inside the black black thing ... came out.. and.. well, it was GREAT! had a bet wit alwin, played zhou ji mi ma, and whoever lose, will hav to eat the ham. AND HE LOST!.. hahaMUAHAHA.. he don wan eat the ham.. so he call me jie :) MUAHAHA
i feel like BOSS!

muahaha
...
we went outside, play rain X]
so it was GREAT!!!! WE SHOUTED AND SCREAMED AND WENT HIGH AND GOT WET!!! :D :D :D... it was GREAT!!! i felt so happy... i felt really so happy.. happy until canot more happy... Thank God for his creation. the rain is so beautiful. feel soo cold.. so shuang!!!
haha...

k la.. after that, waited wit pg dey all for aud's pa to come back.. so he did lar, and later then, er.. i went to douby ghaut meet vincent, wesley, robin, angela, songxian... so.. yea :) ... was fun lar.. felt bad, because i was the youngest so i don dare go high X]
hahas...

anyway, went wit zhi long go queenstown eat... haha he like play wit food -.- .. DIAO! sat at table later read bible :) .. was fun la...so.. if you reading this, thanks, for peiing wo :) appreciate it X]

yea.. anyway. .now at home lo.. was a long day. its 12.23 nw. im tired. zzz... k lar.. going zzz liao.. oh YEA! ONE MORE THING TO ADD. MY BOUGHE ME CHOCOLATES! which i will eat like a pig and if dey don melt, i'll bring to sch tmr :) giv fatin dey all muahaha.. well, most likely i won la.. :D haha..

IM TOO LAZY TO DO MY HOMEWORK!
IM TOO LAZY TO FIND MY HOMEWORK!
TOO LAZY TO BOTHER!!!!!!!!!!

im really confused.
afraid of peer pressure.
afraid of alot of things.
OH YA

i forgot to write one thing
i was really inspired with the message that pastor phil pringle shared today X]

hahas
CG WAS GREAT!!!!!!!
i never felt more Loved in my life.
they really made me feel wanted today
i dont know how, i dont know why...
but
i felt that barrier is breaking!
im so happy!
:D

anyway
GOD put me through that emo period for a reason, i believe that.
because at least now if others tell me their problems, i can relate better la.. i hope.. hahas
i just ... haiz donno lar...
want to help..
not really good at it
but
...
yeah
......
arh well
i wont talk liao!
learnt something today.
i Love my cell group
don know why i felt so distant to them before..

they are the Best. :)
W387. I LOVE YOU.

God.
God oh God...
Be My Escape.

i cant say all the things that i want to say.but he knows all things.
maybe he can give me advice..

i hate the complicated parts. well.. brain slow la so of cuz i will hate it...-.- take long time load into the system
but whatever it is, whatever!... -.-anything
whatever my problems are, i know God, you can help me solve them.
and right now, my mind is just clogged.
haha.. i just thought of a weird analogy... if a toilet is clogged wit tissue paper, call a plumber to unclog it. if my mind is clogged wit thoughts, call God to unclog it...
OK! NEVERMIND! MY MIND IS NOT A TOILET!!!! ... well.. if that analogy is real, that means my thoughts... are.... .. wa... SHIT?! ..
NO NO I DIDNT SAY ANYTHING, NEVERMIND!!!!!!! ...........

oh man.. im really going siao.. almost put my icecream in the washing machine... -.- WHATS WRONG WIT ME!!!!
dammit
afked, and
went toilet
and walked headfirst into the door..
OH MAN WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
....

...misinterpreted a message...
eliz: asleep?
person i misinterpreted: yeah. you?
... wa.. it took me about 10 mins to realise i had woken that person up!
haiz..
alright.
im nuts
zzzz
GOD
I DONT WANT TO BE NUTS!
AT LEAST MAKE ME ALMOND!
i don wanna be peanut or cashew
or snow pea or chikpea
.... lemme be an almond :)
bb

i feel so limited.
what are emotions?
Quote from wikipedia, : "An emotion is a "complex reaction pattern, involving experiential, behavioral, and physiological elements, by which the individual attempts to deal with a personally significant matter of event." It arises without conscious effort and is either positive or negative in its valence." ???

i dont understand that. ... why must it be complex. i dont understand so many things.. haiz.. why? ...
i cant ask for help. i cant be myself, i cant do this, i cant do that.
why? ...
why.... im feeling so lost... and.. i cant say why ... haiz... why do i bother.. posting this shit

hahas...
was toking to Alwin... he asked me a question la, "Why did you backslide?"
it really is making me think now, why did i backslide....

i mean, i have been in church for MORE THAN A YEAR before i backslided... so.. i was thinking.. why! what is wrong with me, that i became like that...

well..
oh yea, *if you dont wana read this, plz don, and press alt f4. no1 is forcing you to. so plz dont judge me on what im about to say*

well.. the main reason i backslided, is because i felt Unloved, Unwanted, and Uncared for... yes, all the "Un-s". I Felt Unloved by both God, and Ppl... i felt... really miserable.. during that time... i compared myself to others.. and.. realised that what am i? a mere speck of dust in their eyes... well, i was Vulnerable during that time, so... i guess that Satan went and put lies into my heart. and i made the wrong descision of Believing them.. It was really dumb...

i became rebellious, and... started talking back to my ma.. i hardened my heart, more than it was before, and.. well.. i became a unlovable person. i hit things, hit ppl. Hard. not those soft soft gu niang slaps... i really HIT things... and Ppl... if you want to know how hard, just imagine this. i used my Hockey stick as a weapon. Thats how bad i became... i cut myself, and the blood would drip, drip, drip. i liked the attention i was getting, because of cutting myself. but, still, satan put lies in my heart, and said, that they only talk to you not because they love you, but because they want you to be Normal, and not cut yourself anymore, and not cause problems. and me, well... being.. well.. me.. i listened, and.. i didnt trust them. i felt really miserable, because i felt betrayed by my friends. well.. at that time, i really was angry, because they Did Not talk to me, and i was really ignored alot... i felt really alone... .. became really vulgar... every where you will see "fuck fuck fuck" ...

AND, IT WAS SCARY! i still remember, one time, during cell, i Hated it, i dont know why, but i Hated it, and.. i felt something inside me, because, during the time when they were all praying, and speaking in tongues and worshipping, i glared, with my eyes having that look like i want to kill... i felt really not myself. but i didnt know what to do about it. Beeleng came towards me, and Hit my head, and i began to become really angry, then i teared. the anger really burned inside me, i was thinking " WHAT is my problem. Why am i like this. WHAT RIGHT DOES SHE HAVE TO COME AND HIT ME. WHAT DID I DO" and after that, she told me that i had that look to kill, and she prayed for me.. when she did, i cried really.. cried alot. i sat there, knees to my face, and i was moaning. it was really bad... and, after that, Beeleng came up to me, and asked, are you alright, and she said that she felt that my tears were of genuine sorrow...

i thought, after that, some1 would talk to me, and ask whether was i alright... but it didnt happen as i expected, and again, satan lied to me, and said, WHY should Beeleng care. why will she care! why does she want me. she wants me to be normal, and not give problems. she dosent love me. no1 loves me. and again, i listened. that was the Stoopid thing, i listened!.... haiz.. so.. i was really in a big dilemma...

well.. i felt really alone... i felt wrong... i cried alot, emoed alot.. and.. well, yea.. even my room had that deathy feeling about it... when i came home everyday, the room was Hot, and Humid, and.. had a particular vibe... it didnt feel Good... it was really horrible.. i neglected my studies, and started failing.. i didnt care when i got back my report, saying i had only passed english... out of all the subjects... its really bad. whats worse, is that, still, few people talked to me. i felt so.. unwanted. it really sucks, that feeling... i was supposed to go for counselling in school, but i didnt want to open up to the counsellor, for the simple reason that i Hate counsellors, because i found them as liars then.. so, the principal said that i should see a psychiatrist... there was something seriously Wrong with me... i refused to go, because i didnt want to be considered as a psychotic case. lest, if my classmates knew, i would not get that respect.. i would be mocked.. my school life was really sucky, because i hated going for lessons, so i poned sch alot. about 20 days in a term.

i was really suicidal... i mean, i thought many times, about taking my life. i said to myself, that if i fail my overall exam, and get retained, i will take my life. although i didnt do anything, it was in my subconscious mind, so i lived as if i would die soon, i did not care about anything anymore. i had a shit attitude. i felt so dead.

well... then, yea. slowly, but surely, the lies were taking a hold of me. i stopped coming to church regularly, and i started to just do whatever i wanted to. i gave shit, and received back more shit, and blamed God. it was really Stoopid. well... i hated God, and Life. i found it meaning less... why bother living, we all will die eventually. i started questioning, whether does God exist. didnt like church anymore. i didnt want to face the people i felt hurt by.

i hated that. i hated it. really really hated it. because of a simple thing, that i felt unloved, so many problems erupted. i felt so overwhelmed in misery. it was unfair, in my eyes, that people who do so much get so little, and people who do not do anything, get it all. i hated that. i hated being who i was. i was controlled by my mood... all these things, i felt, i didnt show it much... i was still myself, but subconsciously thinking things like this. of course there were still happy times during the time i started feeling depressed.. but.. well... happiness, with ppl, only lasts so long.
anyway

i went for this thing, so you think you can sing. it was Great! during the altercall... siew and wendy asked me to go down... so i did, and.. wow. i cried .. i cant really remember what happened la, but... i felt.. normaller... i felt Good... before that, when i was in service, i would Cry to God, and ask him why was it so unfair. i would just tear, at the 1st praise song. i was low all the time in church.... and high in school...-.- hahas...

but, it was Awesome. going down for the altercall.. i felt closer to God. then, on my birthday, w387 surprised me with a bdae celebration at my house! it was amazing, because i didnt know they cared so much about me that they would do that. i was honestly, touched.

still, satan made me feel that they didnt care... or anything la.. but ... well.. i still partly believed him.. so.. well, yea... my relationship with pg, was really distant, because i didnt go playground for a really long time... and... well.. like i said, i felt betrayed.. but.. well.. i came to church services.... and...
well..

That was the 1st step i had to take
to get out of all of that.
i felt Loved again.
i felt the members' Love
i felt.. their care.
i felt... happy...

hahas...

slowly, slowly,
From the time that they showed that they actually Loved me...
i started becoming a happier person
i started to wake up
i started to become
an all round better person.
my sch frenz saw the change
they liked the new me:)
i studied. i cared about my life. i didnt burden them

i dont really know what happened, and how i changed so much

but, i went from
a DEPRESSED EMO KID
to a HAPPY, CONTENTED GIRL, as i am now...

Praise The Lord!
i cant even remember clearly what went wrong... had to really search back my memories...hahas..
so im really CHANGED!
:D
THANK GOD!
this is the longest post ive ever posted... i think...

anyway,
i thank God for the experience, even though backslided for a REALLY SHORT TIME.... i was satanic, and.. yea.. hahas... thank god, because, it made me realise how Real God is.. and.. it made me REALLY MORE SPRITUAL THEN EVER!!!
im bursting with joy..

and,
well, it just showed me, how a small problem can lead to a bigger problem, then a bigger problem.. and finally... cause so much that its hard to erase.. im still trying to solve some of the problems that happened then...

oh well... its my fault :)
i have no1 to blame, but me...
ok, i have no idea what the point i was trying to prove is, but
all i know
is that this post
to me,
is like a reminder
to always be faithful to God
and not be made vulnerable
EVER AGAIN...
.. so..
i will stop here, because im starting to confuse myself with all the memories, of past and present, and future.
but
before i go,
just want to say
DONT LET SATAN LIE TO YOU
HE IS A DESTROYER
HE AIMS TO KILL
so..
dont listen to that thing you think is true..
because its not.
:)

Praise the Lord, Now, and Forever, and may his name be Glorified Now and Always.
AMEN

muahahaha :)

today ROX!
after sch, which was... yea, dam sian, went to changi airport, budget terminal.. some project la, had to do... GRRRH!

wa.. i was so bored in the train... started sitting.. in... well.. :) unladylike postures :P .. hehehe... it was really UGLY! .. haha.. slept on tanah merah the seats.. slept on the train the seats.. NOT ON THE FLOOR... as in, i was lying on the seats haha! fatin keep laughing at me !!! :D... im so loser.. HHAHA!!!! hehe... well.. all ger sch :) ... this is apparently what it does to you.. makes you go mad... anyway, after went budget terminal, went back to t2, den go mac, buy ice cream... im really happy cuz i got treated fries :) ... well.. vivien wanted to go buy polar cake? haha.. so the fries she was holding, she say giv me :) ... so me and loretta shared :) and fatin and arena came and cop everything -.- ZZZ... but.. LOL I STILL ATE THE MOST!!!!... :P

hahas... anyway, tmr going dragon boating... i wonder hw it will be like! never went b4... hahas!!! cant wait... dont know what to wear though...zzz!!!! hahas :P

i cant believe that my blog isnt dead!!!!

oh ya
the thing that made me the most happy, today,
is that, i realised partly of what must i do ~ servanthood....
IM GONNA BE BLESSED TO BECOME A BLESSING!
:D
Praise The Lord for that... AMEN

heya!
its tuesday...
just thinking.. of the lame things ppl said recently.... (some arent direct quotes, cuz i cant remember how dey went hahaha ....)

eh.. i hope no1 gets offended.. :P
heh heh heh heh :)

vincent: if youre that bored go take a piece of coal and scrub it till it turns white
robin: fell into a longkang
alvina: dada!
mav: -________-
beeleng: the many faces of a little bee
alwin: ger problem you think guy donno arh? i thought all of you this month the time is over liao?
vivian: ♥IIES HATE EUU FERR EVA..♥♥muacks!!! ♥iies reall[y] l0ve[s] €uu WOR!(that seems so ironic)
hilda: stop dotting you dotty
amira: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
ms sim: DONT YOU DARE!
yizhen, me, sarah: RAWR

lol! sorry, if any1 gets offended

haha... hilda and val will know what is the most embarassing thing that ever happened to me....
omg.. so pai seh-.-

haha
2nd post for today...
grrrh
anyway, this is gonna be long :)

i watched this documentary today, it was about trains la.. haha.. i was thinking abt it lar, anyway. see, this guy, despite the mockery going on around him, built sucessfully, a tunnel, under a few mountains (literally), for trains to go through to the other side. it took long, and 195 people died. i think there were 3000 workers. many died, many probably were injured. but, the guy who had the idea of building the tunnel, succedded in the end, building it. it was usable. he achieved his goal. but alas! when he finished it, few people used it. 1 or 2 trains a day. bad for his buisness.. but the thing is, he is the one who introduced to the world, the method of tunneling for trains. now, wherever we go, its in tunnels. look at singapore, almost everywhere is underground. if it werent for him, we will be in a dilemma, because of the limited space here in singapore...

anyway, im not sure what im trying to say here, but... but think about it, how come all the people who start out with big dreams get mocked, and sometimes fail, but in the end, they are winners. but when dey are winners, most of the time they are already dead. -.- why? issit wrong to dream big dreams?

like pastor phil said, we need a place to dream. we need a place.. to dream the dreams, that God has given you.

what if those dreams are like the pioneer of tunneling's dream? what if it gets crushed that way? will it be so jialat?! lol...

yesterday, pastor ulf ekman (finaly i think i spelt his name correctly...) he preached about suffering... its really hard to take down notes, because he speaks fast, and i dont understand many things that he is preaching. but.. i got this from his preaching,
we MUST go through many tribulations to enter the Kingdom Of GOD.
we will have to suffer for Jesus' name's sake.
we must do his will, and he will uphold us.
DO NOT self pity
we have to walk by faith

rejoice through all the suffering, and praise the Lord no matter what.
it revolves around the verse, Romans 8:37, Yet, in all these things, we are more than a conqueror. pastor put alot of emphasis on the word, YET. "in all the tribulation, we, through CHRIST, are more than conquerors. phillippians 1:27: Above all, you MUST live as citizens of heaven, conducting yourselves in a manner worthy of the Good news about Christ. Then, whether i cone and see you again or only hear about you, i will know what you are standing side by side, fighting together for the faith, which is the Good News. 28: Dont be intimidated in any way by your enemies. This will be a sigh to them that they are going to be destroyed, but that you are GOING TO BE SAVED, even by God himself.

haiz..i don understand... gotta read the bible le... to know for sure what it means... haiz.. im still such a noobie... feels like im stepping into a world, where there is many many layers.. and... with each new layer, the light gets stronger... so its like a tunnel.. with many doors. only one leads to the exit. the evil one will come... mocking you... tormenting you.. telling you to take the wrong door. which will lead to whole different place... it could lead you deeper into the maze.. but the good thing is, the Holy sprit is still there, and he loves you, no matter who you are, or what you've done, and he will guide you to backtrack, and with him, walking beside you, he will be your guide to the light at the end of the tunnel.........

i dont know whether that made sense or not.-.- hahas

anyway, eh what was i gonna say... k wait.. think 1st..
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OH YA
pastor said, that we must be Childlike in our thinking. and that there is a difference between childLIKE and childISH. he said, we must be mature, and at the same time, childlike. by childlike, i think that he meant, we have to believe God. and trust him for his promises. we must obey and not talk back, because in the end, it will be worth it. matthew 7:11(oh lol, 711... dots.. hahas.. k) So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much MORE will your heavenly father give good gifts to those who ask him. i guess we have to believe that God exists, and that he will give us Good Gifts...
Amen.

well.. i had BETTER start reading la.. im so noob.. stil at genesis... read until dono where den forget to read, den every1 forget le.. sianz... k la k la... gonna read.. hope i can stay awake :P .. hehehehe