osuwariii!!!

Saturday, March 29, 2008

my blog ah.
dam kanasai
...
got so many dam posts!!
like 400 +++.
gonna cut down posting alot
so dat by the end of the year it won reach 500
...
hahaa
maybe i should aim lower.. okok 450.
:P
heez
ok 475...
hahaha



anyway, i realised sth.. im dam scared of cars.. i get carsick!! like wth man.. haha.. i feel queasy whenever i step into a car.. kinda ironic, dat cabs no prob and neither bus nor mrt...


anyway, (lol, another anyway:)
MA LENT ME $$$~!!!!!
so happy
can get my crumpler
:P
the dream i'd had... is now a reality!!! haha.. i was alwiz jealous of ppl dat got crumpler.. alwiz wonder what its like to own one.. not really dat good T___T"
wasted.
anyway, i need to pay back by june. so will be v. broke wit building fund and dis too.. rawr. som more need to cough up 30$ for z2h4 :P
GOGO
theres like only 2 ex stereotypers
CHANGE THE NAME!!!
omgosh
..
haha


im eating veggies. they taste dam yuck. idk why, cuz usually i LOVE veggies
... haiz..

Thursday, March 27, 2008

so freaky
i had 3 dreams last nite.. just woke up

1st, i went for a walk wit my ma.. we walked for abt an hour, den lied down on the floor..(yes, the floor) the cold, hard, gravel floor.. we looked up at the stars. they were.. like poka dots. actually, the sky was as if sombody digitized it. there were ma ny stars that exploded, one exploded into rainbow colours.. dam DOTS!!!! anw, we walked back home through a garden or sth, and guess what? i saw 2 ppl from chc. ...
dots..


hhaha. 2nd dream. it was some like... place dat dey served high class food.. ok some restaurant.. i dreamt dat val, isma, hilda, twin was there.. tgt wit alot ppl lah. and the dumb thing was dat my mind captured pictures and developed it. idk how to explain. but. its v. scary
=.=

the 3rd is dat my frens were at my house, and.. well. i was cooking vegetables...=.= carrots and sth... like..
NO LINK... O___O""

if only the sky was more beautiful.. my dream would have been alot nicer
anyway, im awake, and feeling like shit now..
its torture.
=.=

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

haha..
today
was
average.......

acutally i reached sch at 9.30.. but since the period ends at 10.20, (double e maths) i stayed somewhere and stoned for 50 mins
thank GOD for si xuan.. she accompany me. :P though for 5mins only lah. she had class lor. hahaahah.. anyway.. im dam bored.................

gonna sleep le.
tired.
blogging for what? idk. i'll blog less.

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

haiz
they're so superficial.
... like wth..
anyway

kinda pissed off today
see, i was doing this geog project..
and.. some1 sent me a file.. a file tt its obvious dat not much effort was put in to it, right. like hello, expect me to edit the whole file? is that why you asked me to join your group? so i'll do tt? dream on. heez.

anyway, sorry sherylynn for asking you to compile it, im really bz today.
dead tired. just finished my art hw after like 3 4 hours... zzz
it suckz.. if my cher asks, i'll just say
i spilt paint on it
because i make dat kinda messy effect. den if he ask why so much,
i accidentally split again.
:P
heez.
today got caught in the rain
when i went library.
sian
...
finally returned the dam books.
...
*cough cough*
headache.

oh yes, i still cannot forgive. need to go do qt le.. sayonara.

Monday, March 24, 2008

idk.
i feel so hurt by that...
the service.. the sermon was about forgiveness... and.. well.. i cried alot.. i tried.. but why issit i still cannot forgive.. its like etched into my memory .. i see ppl dat hurt me.. and i'd just want to seek revenge.. take knives and stab them till they die a miserable death..

i want them to feel the same pain i've felt.
... yet tt wldnt ever happen , huh.
haiz...
i hate this..


anyway. im kinda sick today, so nt in sch. both mentally and emotionaly and physically. heez... idk why past few days i like have dis lingering headache.. sian.. like wtf lar...
i hate my life.
i hate everybody
.....
ok i dont...
=.=
haiya
idk lar
...

Saturday, March 22, 2008

i never really realised.. i mean..
haiz..
i alwiz took things forgranted.
well.
.....
hhahas
okay..
anyway, ptl for this lesson learnt..
treasure the things you have, and guard them..
for whatever you do not guard, you apparently lose..
i mean seriously, i think pastor preached, that if you don guard your heart, the devil can easily steal you away...cause problems bigger then yourself to arise.... in your life, and tear you to shreds..

well..
i know im not really a v. strong person.. im kinda pampered :Pwell. ok im v. pampered. im an only child, k..
rawr.
but anyway, i mean.. i do love my parents.. and.. i realise.. i've been taking them forgranted.. just because dey alwiz like dat, dosent mean i can heck care.. well.. haiz. i really hate being alone. well.. i feel v.... like a burden has been placed on my shoulders.. but ptl that i can carry it. though im not the best person to..

well.. haiz. today is like the most dejavu day i've had in a while, i mean.. just this week i had a nightmare about a shark in a cave that i panicked in.... but tell you, the scenery in my dream was FANTASTIC! haha... coral lor.. the rocks like.. whoaz.. i love it. but the dream itself v. scary.. in the end, i remember i was sitting in a swimming pool wit my ma, and was about to thank her for everything she's done for me, i rmb i found it hard, then i woke up. don ask me how from shark haven i end up in a swimming pool..... lol... ok lar
thats it for dis rant!
~nigahiga rox
okiezz
nitezz
sian..
im feeling v. hurt now...
haiya
whatever lar..
anyway
what am i doing..

breathing, typing, sitting, coughing. thinking, fiddling, sianing, blogging, relaxing, stoning, pondering, listening, sighing, downloading, watching, looking, seeing, observing, wondering, scratching, feeling miserable....

haiz..
ok .. lame..
whateverzzzzzzz
haiz................................
i feel, that
i cant tell anyone anything anymore
..
im good for nothing now.. :)
forgotten :D
.. after whathappened..
oh well.
ppl can mock......
idk lar.
im
just
abit
O_____O""""
haiz.....

.................................................i've never felt more alone.
................................................................................................
what the f...
haizzz
zzzz
....
.
.
.
.
.

Friday, March 21, 2008

haiz.. im feeling so.. zzzz... now..
like wth lar can....
...........................
haiz....
issit really thinking with head and not with heart?
well. im too immature to figure dat out.
..
anw, if youre reading this,
i really miss you, and i think im nt the only 1, so plz come back..

well. i feel like crying again.....
haiz
why am i so weak..............
oh well.
i have this tendency to look forward to things
idk what things
argh
well..
i don wanna post anymore..........................................................................i know every1, if there even is a every1, will be dam happy hor
...
:'(
be strong be strong be strong........
i dont to fall again.. not now.. i cant afford to fall now...
true, idk where my life is aiming towards...
and im afraid.. but why now.......
............
shit lah....
i don wanna die ..............
will i end up dead?
......
i guess..
i have alot of hatred stored up inside..
whoevevers the next person dat pisses me off, die..
well.
wtf :)
wtf wtf wtf.
...
lalala.
.............................................
haiya... whatever lar..
i feel like punching some bastard's face nw...
why am i letting this get the better of me..
im so sick of getting spited every fuckin time.....
and..

its like..
....
haiya.. i just feel so wronged, know...
i feel like im... haiz..................
well.. nobody wanna listen to me.. fine larr..
im never gonna be the one who stands out from the crowd or anything.. im never gonna do anything.. haiz.. im so sick of being ... well..
idk lah
seems like whatever i say..
haiz.........
freak lah............
im ..
trying
.. v. hard right now..
its not easy..

suan le lah.. forget it.. its my fault isnt it.. its my wrongs, its my mistakes , dat cause all dese problems. when i wanna grow up, i wanna become a terrorist.
forget it lah....

its all... haiya.. wtf lah.. .......be strong be strong..
its so hard..
time and time again
i feel like
..
im gonna crumble any minute..
and i have to keep on picking myself up again and again..
and..
haiz..
...........
forget it lah.
i think too much
who knows
for now
just focus
GOD, FRIENDS, STUDIES...
..............
i think my now is
FRIENDS, STUDIES, GOD..
God is like last..
maybe dat explains why im becoming liek this..
haiya
idk lar.
im so.
..
like
wtfuck..

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

lucky slept inthe afternoon.. because, idk why im still awake now.

must try jiayou jiayou to love everybody..
must love your enemies..
no matter how.. ****ed up they are..
haiz
i LOVE THEM!!
omg..
=.=
rawr
...
lol.


anyway,
things are ok le i hope.
i don wanna make dis all futile
one day
i'll be more helpful i hope
=.=

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

i donno what to do... :'(
and its killing me..
shit lah..............
.....
everything is just so .....
i don understand

i dont want him to be like that!!! T____T"
yes, maybe i am useless.. probably, i am..
maybe i should be the one to die 1st.
.........

Monday, March 17, 2008

haiz..
whats becoming of this..
i mean.. im sorry.. im really unable to forget that.. and i realise that.. idk lah.. just dont have that secure feeling.. i feel that im swimming in the middle of the ocean, in the midst of a storm... nth to hold onto, i don feel safe...

i mean... idk lah. i wish one day i'll be able to be my self, the real me.. and.. just.. well.. be truthful to my leaders.. idk.. i mean now, i keep having this feeling like im covering sth up.. idk what it is.. but..
its.. like.. haiz....

nevermind.


idk.. .. i cannot forget dat..
i feel so miserable..
when i think about my past wrongs.. my present wrongs..
erh, wrong doings..
.
oh.. how i'd long.. to just hide in some1's arms, and cry like hell's buisness..i dont feel like sleeping anymore... but haiz.. well.. it dosent matter... im sorry... somehow i feel like an asshole........ keel meeee .......-.- im such a bitch.
2 mths.
i doubt he'd forget.

well.. what i've done.. what have i done? ... i feel so... empty.. like i wanna cry and i cant.. idk why.. sch starts today. its monday morning. wow. im like up late =.= ... well... haiz... go home at 4.10.. sit here and rot ... sian............ well. jiuming..

going to sch is such a bore.. no guys :P haha jkjk..
but seriously.. its such a bore.
haizz... im sad...
oh well. i guess everything happens for a reason... i just donno yet.

haiz.. i feel so emptyzz..... argh...............
how issit that i have a longing to take care of others when i cant take care of myself..
weird.
anyway, well.. haiya...... im unprepared. afraid.
...
abit panicky maybe...
idk../
well. die lah.
tomorrow. . new term
not so bad yet
WHO CAN I RANT TO...

Sunday, March 16, 2008

hahas..
i really feel v. touched by pple's actions, by my cg members, my friends, and every1... i mean.. wah.. sms me support me for the competition.. come down support me despite other things that they are bz with.. hahas. i really feel touched by that. i feel the love manz! :D

the performance went pretty smooth.. though we were the 1st band to perform, so it was hard.. we were prepared, but stressed out, so we couldnt play our best.. grats, to FF, bang bang, weijie! :D you guys rock. really deserving of winning :)

anyway, thanks to BEELENG, WENDY, and ALWIN, for coming down support me.. thx, my stc friends too!! :D:D:D
really v. touched by it.
:)
<3<3<3


anyway.. lately..idk.. been going through.. somethings that.. made me realise.. im really v. immature.. in my thinking, in my mindset..
well.. its time to grow up..
i have to spend more time doings things i should do..
and.. yeah..

well, im sorry, to ppl i've wronged.. i know that im not a v. good person, but im trying to be better. im trying to love my enemies, sth i find really hard.. because .. well, yeah. its unfair. it is, unfair. =.= and.. well if you don wanna listen to my side.. im fine with it.. i mean.. its over.. i give up, i just dislike, and now.. love your enemies :) i'll stay with just.. haiz.. ok.. i'll try not to bear grudges.. leave it to God, know? :)

lately like v. unstable in my faith.. have depressing thoughts alot.. i wish i could have fun, and enjoy, and live a simple, fun filled life.. but who knows life aint like that. hahas. sian.. anyway, im doing my math homework now.. struggling..

a math..
well. i think im dropping poa next year
.. haiz
sianz
take care, guys and gers and dogs and cats and i can go on forever describing living things that i want to take care..
haha
ok lah
bb :)

Friday, March 14, 2008

its like now, everytime i talk to him, i'd get angry, and.. haiya..
idk le..
......
really have lost my direction in life..
why issit i alwiz have mood swings like this.......
so..
whats going on..
arghhh
=.=
my mind is exploding wit the pressure..
i have really no idea whats happening around me anymore.. its like..
1 really reallyyyy
big
BLUR
O.O
....

argh.
and i just realised sth, i post alot of shit on my blog dat ppl can take and throw at my face..

where else can i rant? O.O
haiz.
life is starting to get
hellish
=.=

Thursday, March 13, 2008

haiz..

im sorry, okay?

i mean..

i keep thinking ppl do things because dey want sth in return,

and its hard to think that some1 wld just do sth for free, because yeah, dis world just aint like dat. =.=

.......

so im sorry that sometimes i'd expect ppl to want sth outta me for treating me real nice or sth... or comforting me.. i mean.. i appreciate it, ppl comforting me.. but after that.. i start thinking.. and..

ARGH



maybe i just shouldnt think so much.

kill my dam brain cells

nowonder im seemingly stupider =.=
everytime i hear, safe in a crazy world by corrine may,
somehow.. i'd cry..
well, yeah , i dont hear it often lah. but everytime i hear fully i'd cry..
like now..
haiz..

i wish i could hold onto something tangible and trust in it forever... for protection, for safety.. yes, i know God is there for me to hold on, but i can never feel God.. and im afraid of being bashed up by the inevitable things that i'll eventualy face.. im afraid..

i donno..
sometimes i just wanna be alone..
like today..
i loved today.
i can just spend time alone, doing things i like to do..
slacking, lazing, sorting out my itunes, (which im not done)
hearing songs...
and now, tearing..
....
im scared..
everytime i hear it,
i'd be reminded.. that the world isnt beautiful.. its scary, its horrible..anything can hurt you, and its like.. you'd be forever vulnerable.. maybe thats why i like my house. protected.. =.=

haiz..
i dont know..
best not to think abt it..

haiz..
how can i not think..
why issit im scared of everything and everyone..
and why issit that im so insecure..
why do i cry so easily..
why do i feel so..
haiz..
im scared...
=.=

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

i guess.. i really need to try hard to be a better person..

right now i cant stand myself

its kinda irritating..



haiyaz

anyway, im sorting out my itunes folder now.. again, same problem as usual.. too much stuff, i cant remember what i deleted and what i kept =.= ...

argh. sian

....



theres like.. a thousand more to go, literally...

sian sian siansiansiansiansiansianz...

and im only at 141 now. zzz

LOL...
HEY!

its the holidays :P



so... what have i been doing...

haha. wasting time doing things that waste time :P



its wednesday, and it dosent feel like a wed at all..

haha

im going brain dead!



i mean, just yesterday night, i was like, watching nigahiga youtube vid , and its dam ... dots =.=

haha!

but kinda self entertaining :P

watching stupid ppl pull off stupid things

dam funny

haha!



one day i'll save up for a vid camera and take videos of EVERY dumbass thing i see! :P

and its raining..
WATCH THESE!!!!
dam priceless funny
haha
to me at least
too bad my com cannot put youtube videos into my blog
the copy paste got prob =.=
like wth ...
haha!!

:D
beautiful gers :P
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=odEGb4zZJZ8

how to be NINJA!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JdLCEwEFCMU&feature=related

how to be GANGSTER!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=khFhF64P3VQ&feature=related

how to be EMO!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pK4bLMd0avU&feature=related

how to be NERD!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ndiRRjCyV_E

London Bridges
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8VeydmD-R-I

Savin Me
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tbPWAYIEqLE

Mind Geek
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c0186hRd-tY

like dat just to name a few
THESE GUYS REALLY ROCK!!!!

haiyoz
im so clumsy
..
like dots lar.
split nail polish remover on my MOUSE ....
and attempted to paint black 3 times, and failed miserably :P
im not much of a da ban kinda ger i guess =.=
..
perhaps eye liner is as far as i'll go.
zzz
....
anyway,
im becoming some1 that even i despise, and its sucky..
so..
haiya.
need to change..
i keep saying i need to change..
how much more changes do i need to make before im OKAY!:!?!??!

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

ROARZXXZXZXZXZXZx

.........

wootz

i miss you

i miss you

i miss you

i miss EVERYBODY!!!!!



i miss you , all you shuai ges and mei nus!!!!!!!!!





OH MANZ!!!!

EFL ROX!

but its so long!! O.O

haizz..



THANK GOD IM IN SINGAPORE!



the thing i appreciate most about singapore, is

CLEAN TOILETS!

i have phobia for m'sia toilets now..

Monday, March 10, 2008

muahaha!!
practising drums now!! :P
SOS IS SO HARD!!!
i totally cannot catch it..
starlight..
still can ba :P

OMG!
JIAYOU JIAYOU STEREOTYPES!!!!!!!!
i'll do my best, the rest of us do our best too!!!:D :D :D

its 6 days away man!!! IM SO NERVOUS!!!!!!!!!
iM BACK!!!
haha. well, was back yest.. but kinda too tired to blog...

lets summarize.
DAY 1:
went to sch.. .woke up at 4+ or 5+ , slept at 2 because haven pack finish :P ... reached sch at 5.45.. bus arrived late. =.= so, reached the tekam plantation resort at 6+? after a dam long journey.. wit yucky pit stops wit yucky toilets :P haa! my fren said that the thing she missed the most bout singapore was HER TOILET! :P seriously lah! got 1 toilet dey throw mee goreng in the sink =.=

when we reached tekam, had some weaving palm leaves thingy.. lucky i can catch it fast.. quite simple O>O den we were told to pack for tmr, when we have to go somewhere away from the resort...

DAY 2:

pack finish.. breakfast, went to the bus, go TAMAN NEGARA go trekking! it was DAM TIRING....... zzz. the ground v. slippery, and.. haha. me and val fell down once :P i almost fell a second time though :P managed to see the floor w/o my specs.. hahaha. was v. scared of leeches, so didnt wan to be able to see the floor, and every single insect dat was on it =.= anyway, reached the highest point, at 344m, the hill, which sounds pathetic, but we apparently trekked 1.7km to get there, which is yes, also pathetic.... we had to trek 1.7km back too i guess =.= .. at least the way back had STEPS ..... den we went a canopy walk.. haha. its dam fun! but kinda scary at the same time. zzz... practically ran across cuz i was holding 2 bottles, my fren's and mine, and the guy there almost din let me go across =.= ..... hahas .... then when me and val reached, we didnt wait for mr wong, who was behind us :P keke.. he dam slow!!! we walked till reached some pathetic ant and fly infested beach, and ate lunch there :) FRIED CHICKEN, POPIAH, HOT DOG... reward for all our efforts :) keke... could taste the oil though :P keke...

then we took a boat ride, which the motor died twice, going rapid shooting... haha. got dam WET! wet till clothes and underwear all wet lor =.= hair.. haha. don nid to say.. dam cmi =.= splashed like HELL MAN!!!!! lol. dam cold. shivering.. but dam shiok at the same time.. me and val's cameras were in cheng yee?'s bag.. actually dey were in a zip loc bag, but the bag had a hole :P =.= hahahas. so stupid lah!! anyway, PTL,our cameras didnt get wet :) i'd be really emo during the whole camp if dey got wet... hahas. :P

then we went on board the bus, soaking wet.. lucky the aircon not really dat cold.. we dried our hair, and went high :P for say 90 mins.. haha!! mr wong kept telling STUPID jokes! "women are beautiful and dumb.. dumb to marry the guy" :P ITS SO DOTS, MR WONG!!!!!!!!! ....... haha! we reached the cave at 6+ i guess.. haha. didnt have a watch. felt like it though.. surprisingly the cave that we were supposed to sleep in was quite clean... dey said it belonged to the .......... some high position guy.. cant really remember :P anyway, at night, we went for a night walk.. walk on the main road, in almost complete darkness.. on the way there, we had torches, but the way back we had merely a candle =.= .... lucky it didnt go out! hahas!!! so fun lah! it was beautiful.. had many many many stars.. :) i felt happy just lookin at them... haha. how i wish singapore had stars like that :)

anyway, the high position guy's wife's bdae was that day, so dey cooked satay for us! :P dam good.. ate alot after bathing, then went to sleep... in a tent in the cave :P

DAY 3, BAT SHIT DAY!!!! :

it was horrible. we woke up, to a rainy morning.. we had breakfast in the cave.. dey brought it up the slope, and stairs.. den after that, we went downstairs (it stopped raining le) and got sorted out into groups.. the group1 was going caving 1st, group 2, absailing. gang hao, i was in group 1 T___T""" haizz. well, we trekked through MUCH WORSE CONDITIONS, where dere were alot of leeches, that freaked me out!!! and, it was really, HORRIBLE! yet fun at the same time.. muddy lah :P hahas. anyway, we reached the cave, it was not yet horrible, it was can walk 1... after that it was HELL ... we walked and climbed till a place where the scenery was BEAUTIFUL, but there were human bones buried in the dirt... anyway, after that, we walked abit further in, to a place where we were told we wld have to climb down 175 feet i think O.O or was it 75? idk. but it was VERY STEEP.. so much so that we had to use our ass to climb, literally =.= ms sim said, "after you get out of here, i'll tell you what you are clinbing in" some1 said COW DUNG, den ms sim replied,"bat shit! the wet, sticky thing is the fresh 1" YUCK ... and i GOT LEECH BITES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

anyway, after dat.. we went outdoor cooking, which i sucked at, beacuse I CANNOT COOK 1!!!! haha! VALERIE ROCKS LAH!! she made scramble eggs :P dam pro. i felt like a noob! canot cook, don dare to eat :P keke.. haiz.. i admire you so much, val.. youre brave lor.. im like a sissy =.= ... den after dat we went absailing, after walking back from the cave.. IT WASNT NEAR THE 1 WE WERE SLEEPING IN AH!!!!!!!!! haha... absailing.. is scary =.= ... really really scary =.= ... haiz. everytime i try, i bang myself against the rocks! haha!!! lol. scary. anyway, we went back to tekam after dat...this is day 3 ah :P go back, briefing, learn some rope tying, den sleep :P haha! i slept on the top bunk! :P

DAY 4, LAST DAY! :

woke up, its dam slack.. haha! went some agro tour.. boring.... had to put in alot of effort to stay awake! haha! ate a cocoa fruit.. realised that its like, really a fruit... and the seed is the cocoa i think =.= anyway, afterdat, went back, boring, ate lunch, slept till 1, den went rafting. it rained when we were tying the raft!!! LOL every1 was shivering, cold, wet, muddy! haha!! the barrel dropped into the lake! me and crystal stood on the edge trying to get it out lor.. so scary.. scared we drop in!! haha! sharon held us so we wouldnt fall.. anyway, after dat we went back to pick up rubbish in the mud, and the trainer gave us a lift back to start point! :P me, samantha lam, and claire , and the instructor :P hahaha!!! LOL.. anyway, every1 look at us like dey wanna kill us for dat :P kekeke. but anyway, the trainer insisted... :P :P :P

KEKE! after dat.. really nothing to do... all the way till dinner, den till some reflection thingy, and briefing for the going home time later..

at going home time, it was dam jialat.. cuz i didnt have shorts, and valerie's track pants (which i borrowed) were kinda wet... and muddy, and full of bat shit. =.= ... so, i wore shorts..was hiding from mr francis and ms sim the whole time.. on the bus to the train station, me was dying!!! mr wong scolded the class because most of dem were in bermudas =.= haiz... sad. almost cried, because mr wong v. good cher.. he v. nice.. v. fair.. but alot ppl like insensitive.. like me lah, go wear shorts.. well, i didnt bring, but its my wrg i guess.. haiz..

in the train station, it was dam scary.. alot ppl stare at us, dono for what... sian. sat there from bout 1am to 3am, doing nth. wait, this is day 5, right?!?!?1

DAY 5, WAY BACK! :

keke. this is the last day! we boarded the train at about 3++ den after dat slept till bout 8 or 9.. haha. dam boring, the train. dam cold oso.. haha. val said i slept till my head on her shoulder! hahas!! its so dam funny.. well, *my comp have problem now, the words i type are coming in inverse, so im gonna end soon, this is such a long post!!! * lol.

the train v. dirty, and scary.... alot of shady characters. anyway, PTL, we reached the train station in singapore safe and sound! :) and after dat, we took a bus back to school :P haha! dam shiok!!! reached sch at about 12.40... reached home at1!!!

haha! after that, went for cell group.. went home, bathed, and left like hell!! lucky pa and ma tompang me in the car :P kekeke.. otherwise i'd be late! anyway, PTL that could make it for cg.. practise was cancelled.. i think every1 was really tired anyway.. haha. cant wait for tomorrow!!! theres practise!! :D SO HAPPY!! :D






haha! thats the end of the camp! :P mayb i missed out some stuff.. haha. such a long post. i doubt any1 will read lor :P did any1 miss me? :P kekekeke!!!!!
haha
anyway, missed you all like siao lor... haizz hhaha!! so happy that im back. still feels like im in malaysia.. very tired.. =.= hahahas! :P

Wednesday, March 5, 2008

im feeling.. abit tired..
havent packed..
have efl tomorrow..
scared. never went for efl before.. dont know what to expect... anyway, i wanna bring LOTS of stuff to do.. haha. im scared v. boring!
:P
i dont think it is lar, but.. haha. you never know. then again, with me, what can be boring? :P
hahahahaha!!!
DOTS
...

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

hahah!

*eLiZ* i miss cg.. haiz.. im sorry.. im an asshole, kay.. wont be online for 5 days manz.. =.= sian. says:
scared of the leeches
*eLiZ* i miss cg.. haiz.. im sorry.. im an asshole, kay.. wont be online for 5 days manz.. =.= sian. says:
giv ethe lolipop instead of my flesh
Kin Weng says:
haha
Kin Weng says:
if they eat lollipop
*eLiZ* i miss cg.. haiz.. im sorry.. im an asshole, kay.. wont be online for 5 days manz.. =.= sian. says:
*eLiZ* i miss cg.. haiz.. im sorry.. im an asshole, kay.. wont be online for 5 days manz.. =.= sian. says:
i hope dey do
Kin Weng says:
heheh
Kin Weng says:
that would be the day
*eLiZ* i miss cg.. haiz.. im sorry.. im an asshole, kay.. wont be online for 5 days manz.. =.= sian. says:
hhaha
*eLiZ* i miss cg.. haiz.. im sorry.. im an asshole, kay.. wont be online for 5 days manz.. =.= sian. says:
BLOODSUCKERS
*eLiZ* i miss cg.. haiz.. im sorry.. im an asshole, kay.. wont be online for 5 days manz.. =.= sian. says:
O.O
*eLiZ* i miss cg.. haiz.. im sorry.. im an asshole, kay.. wont be online for 5 days manz.. =.= sian. says:
LOL
Kin Weng says:
yah
*eLiZ* i miss cg.. haiz.. im sorry.. im an asshole, kay.. wont be online for 5 days manz.. =.= sian. says:
muahahahahahha
Kin Weng says:
unless u have a lollipop that's made up of blood
*eLiZ* i miss cg.. haiz.. im sorry.. im an asshole, kay.. wont be online for 5 days manz.. =.= sian. says:
hmmn
*eLiZ* i miss cg.. haiz.. im sorry.. im an asshole, kay.. wont be online for 5 days manz.. =.= sian. says:
hahas
*eLiZ* i miss cg.. haiz.. im sorry.. im an asshole, kay.. wont be online for 5 days manz.. =.= sian. says:
shiok
*eLiZ* i miss cg.. haiz.. im sorry.. im an asshole, kay.. wont be online for 5 days manz.. =.= sian. says:
i'll create a new flavour
*eLiZ* i miss cg.. haiz.. im sorry.. im an asshole, kay.. wont be online for 5 days manz.. =.= sian. says:
BLOOD
Kin Weng says:
shiok
*eLiZ* i miss cg.. haiz.. im sorry.. im an asshole, kay.. wont be online for 5 days manz.. =.= sian. says:
den in the products label
Kin Weng says:
jus tmake sure when u do
*eLiZ* i miss cg.. haiz.. im sorry.. im an asshole, kay.. wont be online for 5 days manz.. =.= sian. says:
"made with real human blood"
*eLiZ* i miss cg.. haiz.. im sorry.. im an asshole, kay.. wont be online for 5 days manz.. =.= sian. says:
Kin Weng says:
u tell me so that i don't get a shock of my life
*eLiZ* i miss cg.. haiz.. im sorry.. im an asshole, kay.. wont be online for 5 days manz.. =.= sian. says:
hahahaha
*eLiZ* i miss cg.. haiz.. im sorry.. im an asshole, kay.. wont be online for 5 days manz.. =.= sian. says:
wanna be the donor for the blood flaovur?
Kin Weng says:
eh
Kin Weng says:
eh
Kin Weng says:
hmm
Kin Weng says:
eh
*eLiZ* i miss cg.. haiz.. im sorry.. im an asshole, kay.. wont be online for 5 days manz.. =.= sian. says:
you;d lose your life, but for the millions of leeches all around the world's joy and happiness!
*eLiZ* i miss cg.. haiz.. im sorry.. im an asshole, kay.. wont be online for 5 days manz.. =.= sian. says:
haha! like a leech jesus!
*eLiZ* i miss cg.. haiz.. im sorry.. im an asshole, kay.. wont be online for 5 days manz.. =.= sian. says:
die on the cross
Kin Weng says:
OMG
*eLiZ* i miss cg.. haiz.. im sorry.. im an asshole, kay.. wont be online for 5 days manz.. =.= sian. says:
for the blood to be drained
*eLiZ* i miss cg.. haiz.. im sorry.. im an asshole, kay.. wont be online for 5 days manz.. =.= sian. says:
to the lollipop factory
Kin Weng says:
ok it's definitely time for you to sleep
Kin Weng says:
hahha
*eLiZ* i miss cg.. haiz.. im sorry.. im an asshole, kay.. wont be online for 5 days manz.. =.= sian. says:
to create job oppurtunities and food to prevent leech starvation
*eLiZ* i miss cg.. haiz.. im sorry.. im an asshole, kay.. wont be online for 5 days manz.. =.= sian. says:
all around the WORLD!
*eLiZ* i miss cg.. haiz.. im sorry.. im an asshole, kay.. wont be online for 5 days manz.. =.= sian. says:
*eLiZ* i miss cg.. haiz.. im sorry.. im an asshole, kay.. wont be online for 5 days manz.. =.= sian. says:
haha!!!!!!!
Kin Weng says:
u can go do journlist
Kin Weng says:
and playwright

Monday, March 3, 2008

oh man..
i feel really stupid.. i mean, what the hell was i thinking.. why didnt i go when i had the chance.. i cant go cg or service for 2 weeks now... haiz.. ... the thought of being so far.. it hurts alot.. suddenly.. i feel so broken again.. oh man.. whats taking hold of me...

i should have guarded better.... amen, everything is done for a reason... i've found the reason here... so many things i wanna thank God for... the fact that hope has returned to my life, that im not alone anymore.. that i realised that ppl actualy Do care about me.. i guess im.. haha.. im inconsistent... haiz..

im not gonna backslide.. plz.. i dont wanna backslide... never never never... i know i cant last long on my own.. im really leaning now... everything on my God's shoulders... haiz..

im captured by your holy calling..
set me apart, i know youre drawing
me to yourself....
heal me lord i pray...
take me...
mould me...
use me..
fill me..
i give my life,
to.. the potters hands..

i miss your comfort.. and seems like every trial i go through i cannot win without you by my side.. without your miracles, miracles i do not understand... but i trust all the same... i guess.. circumstances occured.. made me think.. about what i was doing.. with my life.. everything.. haiz.. i pray that things dont get worse :)

Lord... take me in again?

.. hahahas.. theres a song playing on my comp..
"all i need is you lord, all i need is you..
youre my world, youre my god, and i lay down my life for you.. you are my lord, you are my God, and i love, no1 can ever take your place..."

haiz.. i feel broken all over.....
today.. is amazing..
today.. haha
talking to him...
yeah.. i think we took things too fast... i think i was well... abit too immature to think properly. well.. its over.. :) but.. im still happy to have a friend like him lah. :) despite everything that happened...

he shared wit me a sermon outline today :)

a public declaration of your standards and principles

no matter how difficult life may seem, we must never let our circumstances dictate our descision.

Ruth1:1-6
you either raise your standards to meet your expectations; isaiah 59:19 probverbs 23:6-8

when the devil appears, just raise your standard. The greater one are not of this world but in god.

only the irresponsible are willing to sacrifice the future in order to enjoy the prescence. Pslams 11:3
luke 6:46-48

the portrait of your life is painted with the brush of your character

genesis 39:7-9 defines the character, genesis 41:37-42

you can never know a person by what they say, you meet them the moment youre willing to believe what they do , james 2:14-16

the productive of any relationship is dependant upon the standard it celebrates

john 15:4
psla,s 119:79
requirments for a relationship
must
must be moving towards a productive future
must be generous
must qualify to receive my seed
must celebrate character before friendship
my friend must be willing to confront my enemies


theres nothing more dangerous then the moment you become a hostage/prison to yesterdays confort zone
phillippians 3:13-15
-do not be a hostage because your past or your future wil never be what you hoped for

whatever you refuse to conquer today, will be next to impossible to conquer tomorrow
matthew 5:29:30 6:19-21

hahaz :)

thanks .. well. no hard feelings i hope. i know im in the wrong...



hhhaha..
i feel like an idiot :)
getting abit.. confused with what i should and what i should not do..
its like.. got rulebook.. haiz..

robin.. im sorry sometimes i dont thank you.. i do appreciate you coming... i do appreciate you going the extra mile.. but.. haiz.. i know you dont have to.. you want to..


im.. really confused... whats going on!!! O.O
haiya.
......
im not gonna emo again..
change chain of thoughts..

anyway, today...
today was.. well. i was just on time for sch.. thought i'd be late. wasnt. we're all on talking terms, i guess, so dats a good thing. during lunch, coach danker came up to me and started talking to me... haha. i think i got somebody in trouble undelibrately.. oops. anyway.. i hope i get to join back hockey.. i really like it lah.. but i guess i just dont like the attitude :P *oops* :P

saw shanika and huishan outside school... missing shanika alot.. love you, lao gong :) or lao po.. i forgot. haha X]

well. what to do. oh yeah.. went tiong wit isma.. she needed to buy zip loc bags for camp.. so i bought oso, because i didnt pack.. she said need a 1 litre bottle, and its compulsory, so i bought 1.. 9$.. its red.. =.= ... im regretting :P .. i dont like waterbottles ah. =.= ... haha.. anyway, bought 4 pens, and ran into tommy at tiong :) he cut his hair.. haha. after dat.. saw amira.. went home.. blah blah... yeap :)

im really nervous bout the performance!
had a freaky dream.. time travel. ... argh.
it kinda scared the hell outta me
went too late back in time, in an mrt, underground.. when i accidently pressed the bottom floor on the lift, the scene i saw really made my heart jump lah! its like.. ancient! im scared of being underground.. i guess maybe claustrophobia. zzz. anyway, in my dream, i pressed a higher floor on the lift, and ended up in an mrt.. =.= like WTH!!!!!!!!! den it.. started going.. and a stranger talked to me.. den only i realised it wasnt a stranger.. and i had to shoo him away in the end because he was an asshole.. zzzz... i remember my friend said something point was stuck in china, and the other point was in school. so i went back to school.. den he wanted to follow.. i had to chase him away lor =.= ........

i still remember my dream before this, that leaded to this.. i was in school uniform, wearing a cap and a jacket, having a stumuch ache, and having a rgs primary ger who transferred into my school showing attitude. pissed me off. =.= ...

the mere thought frighetens me...

Sunday, March 2, 2008

i feel touched :)
i didnt know .. well. haha
i feel v. touched... :)
thanks, alwin :)
i dont get it. why are things so confusing?
why cant life just be in simple black and white pictures, without all the double crossing, looking back,...
haiz.. im regretting...
regetting everything i ever did....
regretting everything i've yet to do... is that possible?

confused.. as usual. nth to gain, everything to lose. typical..
isnt that what i am? the trouble maker.. the problem in itself...
haiz....

dosent matter.

half the time i feel like a tool.. something others use... caring for me is maintainence.. like dat.. haha. oh well. maybe its wo xiang tai duo.. idk lah. just feel like dat....... haiz

"confusion is nothing new"
hhahas. its just a temporary feeling.. haiz.. usual lah. typical lah. sian...................
..................................

i should have known. no way will my day end like that.. i know ppl care.. but..
half the time im wondering..haiz. forget it..
im so sick of the tears..
im so sick of doing things i shouldnt
its so hard to say no
dont dare to face ppl. what right do i have to?
...
haiz..

Saturday, March 1, 2008

WHY AM I SO STUPID!!!????!?!?!?!?!?!
aiyz
i dono whats been going on inside me lately.
i poned service today, something i regret like hell...
at the same time, though i didnt feel like going, i couldnt really stay.. because i had to be somewhere at 6.00 sharp.. and.. i din wanna leave early lah. haha.

well.. i feel like.. haiz.. idk lahz.. my mood swings like shit man.. its like .. in the afternoon, i was crying, sobbing.. all funny sounds coming out from me, and.. well.. cry like nobody buisness.. in PUBLIC SOME MORE =.= .... and now.. i feel... i feel touched...

today was different.. i mean.. i really dono what happened.. somehow, the atmosphere wit my band mates, with my instructors, was AMAZING.. i mean.. i've never felt more.. joyful .. haha. yes... i miss dat... alot.. and.. haiz.. its such a nice feeling, dat i've taken forgranted for so long... hahas.. THANKYOU....

i really dono whats going on man... i totally dont feel like myself at All...
but.. i wanna thank .. people.. dat.. well.. hahas. you know lah. its abit hard for me to say this, but.. im... grateful.. to have people like you, around me..you're VERY appreciated. :)

i dono whether dis whole (below) incident changes anything lah... because my mood swings really like heaven and hell 1... zzzz.. and i have no idea why,

anyway, today.. was a so called mini performance thingy, at z2h lesson place, but our band, stereotypes, were supposed to go CSC first, to get the feel of the place, because we cannot go next sat.. hahas. so, yeah. :P and, wow, see the drum set there, AMAZING MAN!!! but its only a 300 seater, kinda pathetic :P kekeke... but the drums are dam cool!!!! though they are dam far apart.. i couldnt reach the cymbal :P ... hahas. anyway, at lesson place, had the mini performance.. and.. we drew locks, and our band was the first =.= .. we tried swapping wit another band, but.. haha.. failed at it lah. :P so..

haha. actually, i was the one dat made us fail.. played like.. uno staco or sth to determine who would win, s o.. i was the 1 who ehe.. made the tower fall :P haha. im SORRY! felt so bad man.. argh!!!!!! well.. we played.. valerie asked me to pretend the drumset was some1, so WHACK AS HARD AS I CAN! PLAY LOUDER!! haha. i played louder.. so.. hahas.. i mean, last time i played, before today, i really COULD NOT catch the last part and.. on the way to CSC, i listened to it over and over.. try to remember what Jun Wei taught.. and .. somehow, i could play it with minor mistakes at the performance! :D!!!!!

and, i was COMPLIMENTED! in front of every1! like, WHOA!!!!! haha!! i felt.. wow. ego boost :)

anyway, dats not the main thing... my band mates, really made my life WONDERFUL today.. it was really awesome lah.. i thank God i have friends like these...


haiz.. i hope dat things dont go back to.. haiz.. back.. .. yet.. its kinda too early to say..
wahz. im surprised im alive dis morning actually. last nite.. was really crying..
for awhile, den i went outside..did sth stupid lah, but.. yeah.. haiz. i woke up, then my about 5th thought was, "WTF! im still ALIVE =.=" ... argh..... its so frustrating to think, dat im alone.. but looking ard me, i kinda am.. and its kinda sad .. haiz. well. dats me... i mean.. nt many ppl ard me anymore. i keep pushing pple away. maybe i should sink back to being a loner.. no matter hw boring it is. i'll self entertain. haiz... anyway, its late. im worried. so. heck lah. maybe i did get penetrated abit. who knows. my blog got problem anw. ... haiz... oh yeah, surprisingly, fried egg cum mushroom/chicken ball cum mixed vegetables, fried, dont taste dat bad.. =.=