realised something?
ppl are concerned...

ok.. today is a good day for ranting, i think...

hahas..
ok
RANT!
KAI SHI!!:

hhaha.. ive been tinking lately, The MESSAGE IS SACRED, while the METHOD isnt.. so... the caring system is really impt lar, hor? haha.. can put a face and personality on the brand name... haha.. 4th dimension.. lol, i din understand alot of it.. hahas.... oh man.. no mood blog le nw... HAIYO!!! failure rant.. this was a short, failed, post.. k.. im going to sleep


NITEZ!

(k, this post affects me ALOT , i got some problems resurfacing)
but it seems that im not alone.... others also seem to have problems coming their way....
i just wanna say,
...
how come.. it seems like.. every1 has problems surfacing now...
it seems like Satan is scared, because building fund is coming... WELL!
WELL! I DONT CARE! HE WHO IS IN ME IS GREATER THAT HE WHO IS IN THE WORLD!
DEVIL! GET OUT! YOU ARE NOT WELCOME HERE

... i mean, look around you, read ppl's blogs... so many ppl having problems lately... is it just coincidence?i DONT think so. SATAN, GO TO HELL, WHERE YOU BELONG!.....
PLZ PPL! dont be discouraged... things may not be going the way you expected them to. but dont let Satan hinder God's plan for your life! COME ON! he got us out of worse troubles before, he can do this. I SAY THIS, we SERVE A MIGHTY AND POWERFUL GOD, who LOVES US and will PROTECT US. dont be afraid... dont be discouraged... ... ...

haiz.. im really v. concerned... i dont want to be useless! i WANT to help others, and whats more, they helped me out of my time of depression, so i hope i can help them whenever they need me... i just hope that they know that im here ... haiz... God.. you are STRONGER that the Devil..."Do Not bring me to the test, but deliver me from evil..." please.. God... we ALL need you during this time... DONT LET SATAN COME AND DESTROY US FATHER!!!!!! GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

FIGHT THE GOOD FIGHT, DONT LET EVIL TRUIMPH. WE MAY BE IMPERFECT, BUT WE SERVE AN PERFECT GOD! DONT LET THE DEVIL TRUIMPH!!!!! DONT LET HIM BLIND YOU!!!!!!!! DONT DONT DONT!!!!!!!

YOU WILL HAVE ANYTHING THAT YOU CAN SEE! AMEN TO THAT, SO DONT LET THE DEVIL COME AND BLIND FOLD YOU! KEEP GOING ON! YES! ITS HARD! BUT WHAT IS WAITING FOR US AT THE FINISH LINE! DONT GIVE UP OR LOSE HOPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FIGHT TO THE FINISH!!!!!!!!!!!

WE WILL HAVE A BUILGING IN THE MARKET PLACE, FOR THE MARKETPLACE, TO PENETRATE THE MARKETPLACE

satan cannot change God's will.

OH MAN!

I THREW AWAY MY FACE TODAY! oh man...
it was a really bad day to go high... waA!!! well.. because..
ok, let me explain the WHOLE ENTIRE GRANDMOTHER STORY!!!

i went to sch for the programme today... was uber sianz... den go home.. i tot i will sleep, den Alvina called me, and say tat she come my house :D so, i was really happy! because it unsianed my day! she made my day hahas.. but the problem was, that when she came, i WENT HIGH, and... well.. lol destruction occured... -.- hahas! anyway, i taught her hw to play the nokia ringtone on keyboard, den we started playing guitar, and.. wa... DIE SIA !!!!!! lol.. i played v. nan ting, den started cursing all sorts of ppl tat can play!!! was something like.. "AAAAAAARHHHHH ARGGGGGHHHHH CURSE____ I HATE _____ CURSE ___) RAWRGHH!!!!! ARRRRRRRRRRRRRHHHHHHHHHGGGG" hahas!!!! lol i was really high! started screaming !!! hahas... and, den i saw her face, looking so blank, den.. den i REALISED SHE VOICE RECORDED ALL OF IT DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!like.......WALIAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH MAN!!!! DIE DIE DIE die die die die........... the thing tat she did yesterday is useless now for threatening... AAAAHHH!!! DIE DIE!!!!!!!!!!-.- waaaa...... lol, but it was really FUN with her lar... really, she made my day :)

tell you arh...
TODAY ROCKS!!!!!! TOTALLY ROX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i canot emphasize enough how great today was... i mean, wow, just going for the svc really changed my way of thinking... tell you, NEVER limit your thinking to the realistic.. because, "humanly, it may be impossible, but with GOD, All Things Are POSSIBLE!!!" A M E N!

hahas... well, the service was about the 4th dimension... hahas..sounds chim hor? hahas... and.. wa.. it really is Great... dere are 4 points, being,
1) your thinking
2) believing
3) dreaming
4)speaking
hahas... of course, there are alot of elaboration, but im not going to type out that, because , well.. it will take forever.. hahahas... well, anyway, building fund is coming up... pastor showed us alot of pics of stadiums.. we NEED A STADUIM! and we will get it! i can see, an amazing staduim, that not only we are proud of, but also the NATION is proud of... i really was shocked when watching the video of pst Cho's church is seoul, south korea... its really AMAZING! just look, its Huge.. really .. amazing... i hope CHC can be like that one day... really... really really really!!!! oh man. . . hahas.. but at the same time, i will pray that, that, CHC will not just be a church that has quantity, but also quality... that our prayers, our members, are really GENUINELY LOVING GOD! plz pray with me hahas...

hey, new prayer list!
as usual, *created and organized by eli*
hahahaa!!!hahas.. let me blow up my ego.. hmmn... *blow blow* ok.. now i will take a pin and poke it and make it shrink again haha...*POKE*

k lar k lar, here it is, that im gonna TRY TO pray for, and i hope you will pray along with me!


~Great Anointing to come upon Pst Kong as he preaches the word, he will be protected, and not feel tired...

~Beeleng to have strength as she continues to take 2 cgs... which is really demanding... she is still looking tired, so plz pray for this alot...

~Shanika, that her father will be PROTECTED! no harm will come to him. he will be FINE!

~Vivian, she will not be discouraged, and come frequently for cg...

~KOKSENG! plz pray for him, that he won be discouraged... plz.. he... he..haiz... i really hope that he will be ok lar... despite being...yea...... God works in strange ways, so.. i hope that God will bring a Breakthrough in his life.. its still NOT too late! the next year sch term has not started, so who knows? maybe! Keep Believing, Kokseng.. Jiayou...

~Minghui... he oso.. despite being....... well... yeap, plz, pray that he will NOT lose faith... he will still be strong in the sprit, and continue serving God ...

~Daniel's EAR WILL HEAL TOTALLY!!!

~BUILDING FUND! WE WILL HAVE A BUILDLING IN THE MARKETPLACE, FOR THE MARKET PLACE, TO PENETRATE THE MARKET PLACE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~ not only be a church of quantity, but oso of QUALITY! members will grow stronger in the Sprit...

~God will move in us, we can shine through him, and reach out to the lost, in our campuses, workplaces, families...

~Thank God for all he has done to bless us... Thank God!!!

AMEN!!!!!!!
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
hahas..

anyway, today really, something v. funni happened.. i went out with jiaying and alvina after svc, den after jiaying went home, me and alvina went to bedok to eat.. hahas.. we had a really weird conversation, 1st, of WWLF...which is, World Wide Laksa Federation.. hahas! haha... yea i know, the 3 lines are coming down... -___-''' hahas.. cuz we were both eating laksa, and commenting on how it deproved from last time hahas..hahaha... den the conversation changed to BLOOD DONATION! hahas... i was explaining why i was scared of needles, which is because, injections are needles , that poke through your skin, your fats, your muscle, to find your bloog vessel, and inject some fluid into it.. imagine, something IN you that was not previously there... scary man! haha.. den alvina thought of some thing, like robotic ants taking the blood from you, and putting it into containers.. haha.. den.. i said "Blood Factory" den, wa.. something AMAZING HAPPENED!!!!. hahas!! blood and teping dont mix.. hee... k lar k lar.. it was really Fun being with her... she Rocks man... hahas...shes really an important person in my life.. i hope she knows that.. hahas.. i Love you, baby... hahas...

i really cant imagine, what next year will be like.. imagine this, i HAVE SCH FOR ANOTHER 5 WEEKS!!!! WALAO!!! hahas.. alvina has sch for another 3 weeks i think... oh well.. anyway, i have no1 to blame except for myself, for this happening... haiz! k lar k lar.. i will stop blogging here, its really a TOO LONG post... hahas... well, almost all my posts are TOO LONG hahas... k lar k lar...

God Bless You, READER! STAY FAITHFUL TO GOD!!! (and stay faithful to my blog too! hee!!!) hehehehehehe

hihi... i just got home from cg...
cg was good lar... so many ppl shared testimonies... hahas... amazing amazing...
lolz.. nothing much to say now... need to find ppl faster to join the band.. haiz... irritating man! i cant believe, that two ppl cannot go, parental objection and the other person, well.. something happened that she had no control over.. haiz.. so.. im left with 4 ppl.. WHOEVER WANTS TO LEARN DRUMS FOR A CHEAP PRICE PLZ CONTACT 93898294 .. hahas.. can see how desperate i am now?

haiz.. so many things happened that irritateed me so much.. haiz.z. haiz..... oh well, i borrowed alvina's rubrics cube .. so im happy bout tat hahas.... but i still cant figure it out... haiz

haiz... i feel SO LOST! ... i like. .re-edited this post 3 times liao.. type, delete, type delete , type delete.. wth lar.. -.- ... i feel so shitty la.. canot even get into the combi... stupid.. i HATE this... have to pick from the unwanted combi left over.. man... why was i so stupid.. WHY was i so dumb... why why why... so many unanswered questions...

can you believe this, in my report card, my cher put this
commitment : fair
compassion : good
competence : very good
conscience : good
courage : good

i cant believe my competence "very good" ... hahahs
anyway,

i feel that ive changed alot... idk whether issit for the better or worse.... haiz..im v. scared i become a really really IRRITATING, IRRITABLE person... i want to be loving! as in, i want to be able to love others... *wow.. just realised.. i really do spend alot of time inward...* its like a diary sia, my blog -.- an ONLINE diary... ironic... arent diaries supposed to be private?... dots.. k nevermind.. im gonna end here or it will become a long long grandmother story.. all is rantings som more.. so boring..hahas.. k ....

*this will be a long post*

hahas...

hahas... heya! today was the.. last... day of school... which oso means... its the last time i'll get to see 2b as a class...haiz... felt so sad today... felt like crying.. i didnt though.. hee... T__T''' haiz... gonna miss all the ppl who really impacted my life.... hilda... val chia.. isma.. tanya. shifu.. mummi... si xuan... amira... haiz... dey are like.. wa... i cant bear to part with them.. imagine next year, i will be in a different class as the rest of them... haiz... i hate this... they expect us to bond, then when we do? we get seperated.... and, we didnt even bond tat close.. imagine if we did, all the tears will flow.. den the whole sch will be flooded... with tears and mucus... haiz.. and tissue paper will clog everywhere...

i tell you this, dont EVER slack off ... after i did, for like.. 6 months, i really regret it... haiz.. .even though, well.. yea.. . had some problems lar.. dey asked me to go to a psychaitrist, so its like.. i really needed counselling .. i didnt go lar.. because i din wan hahas... but.. thanks to the ppl i mentioned earlier, and w387, and some others, i got back on my feet... stood tall, and carried on the race... i am 2nd last though, among the whole sec2express... that really pushes up my ego WOW... ... but... i was slowed down... so it was expected that i will finish near the last... but still.. it made me so sad... haiz... i have no chance, no chance to get into the combi that i wan now, do you know that? i hav to pick from the remainders.. remainders that ppl don wan ... its like... waliao... i feel so.. waliao lar... T__T'' my life is in such a mess... i pray it can get sorted out quickly....am i asking for too much? ... haiz.. .i DONT KNOW WHERE I WANT TO GO, WHAT I WANT TO DO! thats my problem, i guess.. haiz..need to search for a solution... i hope its not too late... or else... will die lar... well.. if i can even get into express.. which even that will be a miracle..... im starting to forget that miracle... feeling so dry... haiz... God... plz.. come back... i need you.... more than anything, even if my life is in a mess, i swear, i will never, NEVER forget you again. never, NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER dont love you anymore...i pray you can help me keep promise.. to LOVE you with all my heart, all my soul... God... your ways are higher than mine... if its your will, let Yours be done....
"do not bring me to the test, BUT DELIEVER ME FROM EVIL!"

Amen....


well.. today, it was kinda fun lar... sch.. i tot i was late at 1st, in the end i got there right on time... hahas... so i din miss assembly! the LAST assembly... hahas... yea... oh well, we had programmes the whole day, watching performances... the last day of sch was not really that spontanious.. it was kinda boring... after sch, me, val, isma, amira, went to val's house... it was torture for me, because i was fasting, and dey ordered pizza.... wa.. tell you ar, just watching the cheese melt... wa... i wanted to die.. kept telling myself.. its ok, its ok.. i have ban mian when i get home.... T.T''' in the end i ate laksa.. and the laksa sucked like hell... the only good thing is i got coffee today hahas... went to buy.. nescafe.. nice nice X] hee... oh well... i love them... i hope they know that, but i love them... no matter how much dey will tell me to shut up, no matter how many times dey will ignore me, i still will love them. with all my heart. hahaa( only God i will love with all my soul haha....) k lar...

time to.. remember all my blessings so i can share dem for cg tmr hahas... gotta jot dem down... T.T" forgot liao hahhahaha

haiz
im sorry lar k?
i get blamed for alot of things, half the time, its ALWAYS my fault.
so, im sorry, if i made you pissed or anything
just
know,
im
SORRY!
k?



haiz...
suddenly i feel like ranting....
ok i WILL rant.
NEHH.
haiz... there are so many things about my past i wish i can change... mostly my pri sch days.. i cant remember anything, you know? its like.. some1 took a scrub and scrubbed my memory bank dry... i cant remember ANYTHING until i see the pictures... all i have are embarassing and stoopid memories... not many fun ones... haiz... i cant remember ANYTHING! anything that my ma told me...
ok.. maybe i can remember some things..
like this thing she wrote on paper, i took it a long time ago without her knowing i think, and.. well.. i found it recently when i cleaned my room.. it goes like this

"Fixtures

League.
-i miss/will miss the days that i may just walk the streets to the neighbourhood market or convenience store holding her hand.
-She will have to walk on *alone*( "alone" this part is underlined) at an age too young with an upbringingtoo upsetting to have begun with
-she will have to go places with no hand to hold her, to keep from being timid, fearful.
-She will have to learn her mom's on her side all the way. even before she born and if it takes walking distance, a great big parallel-if it has to be that way, then may the gods who have eyes to see grant me the mercy and grace to provide for our journey's respectively and give me the strength to live well enough for her till she needs me no more.

knockout(this part is underlined too [knockout])
what is a parallel life with a goalpost in view?

*ENDS HERE*

i never understood that... but if brings back memories... bad memories.. i was told.. not to trust guys i guess. because my pa hurt her, so she always told me to be independend, so i wont get hurt.. maybe thats y im always so insecure? WHO KNOWS! but.. haiz.. i feel so... so.. haiz... its like impossible for me to trust any1 fully... and when i try, the insecurity keeps coming back and hurting that person that i trust... im sorry ok? im really sorry..... i donno whether you will read this.. but im sorry .... i hate things being my fault. because most of the time they are... i remember my ma told me when i was young, that she had a lover outside, and she would have left pa if it wasnt for me.. she didnt want me to have a broken home, so she stayed on... she sacrificied her life for mine... how can i repay that... HOW can i repay that... arent i just hurting people?... i was a quiet ger... loner? i donno... but i was always on my own, afraid of everything... i was weird, because i think alot... is that hard to understand? some1 as stoopid as me THINKING ALOT... thats y i laugh at the slightest things.... ppl donno think i siao or what... haiz.. i donno anymore... im just....so sian of making mistakes, that i cant solve. its not fair, you know, the way things are distrubuted... i feel so bad................ what can i do.. im just a untrusting bitch right? ... haiz.. ... i need God man.... the feelings are coming back... i DONT want to backslide anymore please... please... God.. Father.. Abba.... i need you.... more than words can say... i want to trust ppl, know that they wont hurt me, not be so defensive.. im ALWAYS on the defensive... haiz... its starting to hurt others... oh man........this is a long post..... GOD

... how do i trust...
how do i love
how... how, God.. how..

heya!
been feeling abit dry lately... cant feel God's presence.. i feel so bu shuang with that... T__T''' GRRH!!!!! arh.........hahas... Gonna have to try harder to pray better during qt... haizz!! arh...

IN SCHOOL,
there was this sec 4 presentation on science.. wa.. the bio presentation was really SICK!
they like.. demoed the reproductive system, all in stationery...
the pencil box was the womb, den the liquid paper was the semen... the white colour fluid was the sperms.. wa.. SICK MAN! hahas.. i will never look at my pencilcase in the same way again...
the ruler was the menses pad, the pencil was the penis.. den wa.. they go make as the pencil sharpener as the ovary, and when you sharpen a pencil, the baby is formed.. wa.. i will really NEVER look at things the same... another group used yuppi sweets as ovum... SICK SICK SICK SICK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

oh man...i feel so bad leh! today,
because i made uncomfirmed plans with alvina, and hilda... thing was that, i remembered that i had something on today, but i CANOT remember what it was... thats y the plans were all unconfirmed... but in the end, the thing that i forgot was a DENTAL APPOINTMENT WITH CLARICE AND SHERYLYNN!!! arh... haiz.. so dumb lar me...i feel so bad.. gonna have to really apoligize to them next time i see them.. i feel so.. bad.... T___T"'''

but, today, dental was really dumb lar... i fell asleep in the dentist's chair... is that dumb? i fell asleep with ppl sticking their hands into my mouth. WOW. anyway, i hav to have braces.. T__T''' that really sucks... although i knew it long time ago lar.. but it STILL SUCKZX!!! hahas... oh well... hahas...

hhaha.. my tuition just ended.. cher was in a good mood today, shared about how her God helped her get through difficult times... hahas... she is a Buddhist... hahas.. dosent matter, i STILL BELIEVE IN JESUS CHRIST! hahas... she gav me lots of advice lar... about what to do, and shared some abt her past X] hahas....

i PRAY that GOD will continue to BLESS Beeleng, WENDY, jiaying, ALVINA, Alwin, Jonathan, and the rest of W387! INCLUDING MEEE!!!!! hahas....

hahas... i have to start counting my blessings over the week.. cant wait to share about what GOD has done... hahas... I CANT WAIT FOR CG!

HEYA!
wao... i fasted 24 hours hahas... 6am on tuesday till 6am today... but i slept lar hahas...
its really CAN DIE!! hahas... my world was spinning... everything i see was turning.. felt so DEAD hahas... canot imagine how pple can fast for 2, 3, 4 days straight... amazing... hahas.. maybe i just sux hahas.. X] ... anyway,

the 1st thing that shocked me today was, (well i slept at 6pm yesterday, and waked up at 3am today, den i went back to sleep at 5.30 and woke up at 6.48) i was playing my guitar, doing qt when i fell asleep arh.. i tink... hahas... (sorry God...) ehe..... feel so bad* but anyway, i woke up, and the 1st thing i saw is that my pick was still in my hand... and the guitar din move at all!

hahas.. we painted the the banner that i designed yesterday night.. (from 4.30am to 5.20am ) hahas..i was so encouraged man, doing it... because at 1st, it turned out like shit, and wa... was really horrible.. den in the end, i just decided, what the heck, im doing it, might as well do a good job, make it good lar... (because they were like.. looking to me for like... info where to put what, what colour.. i was their so called "boss" ) hahas... so we made alot of footprints all over it, had a really fun time... the end result wasnt bad! it was pretty GOOD! hahas... Praise the Lord...

after sch, Isma encouraged me, saying, wa... saying, that she was proud of me lar.. .that i've changed... she noticed, i used to alwiz sleep during Geog... then a few weeks back, she saw me not only awake and attentive, but taking down notes! hahas... she smiled to herself...hahas.... i was so happy when she told me that man... i hope i continue to change FOR THE BETTER!!! hahas.... :) happy happy X]

hahas.. oh man, i have so many blessings this past 2 weeks... i donno whether i can remember all by the time cg starts! gonna have to jot it down somewhere!!! hahas..

Praise the LORD!

Hey...
To ppl who prayed, Thanks alot... i REALLY APPRECIATE IT! THANK YOU!!!
My results were... well...
i cried.. alot.. today... because my marks were 47.3% . . . overall...
i failed...
T___T''' really feel like failure...
ok, really FELT like a failure...

BUT!
here i have yet another testimony, on how GOOD God is...
i've really been fasting alot, and praying alot lately... i've been fasting both yesterday and today... because of my exams, that i prayed that i will get into express... i may have failed, but its not the end. God works in ways that you cannot imagine.. really really... im really blessed. My teacher praised me, that i've improved so much, and she talked to the principal abt me...Today, she told me about this thing, that there is this "programme?" that i will have to come back to school for every monday to friday during the month of november, for extra lessons to catch up... at the end of it all, there is a retake exam. if i pass, i will be promoted to sec 3 EXPRESS! if i fail, i will go to sec 3 normal... I really wanna thank God for this second chance... its really a miracle, because before this year, no such thing... the policy was, you fail, you go normal. no such thing as a second chance... PRAISE BE TO GOD!!!!!!!!!!

i dont know what the end result will be, but i really will appreciate it if you (readers) keep me in your prayers... prayer really works miracles...

THANK YOU GOD!


hahas...
i've been debating with myself today, that should i go on a 24 hour fast today? or a 2 day fast? hahas.. i dont know whether i can tahan it... feel like dying nw... hahas... havent decided yet... hope i can decide soon... hey, ALSO! Thanks alot to mavarick, who fasted along with me...true, he has other things to pray for also, but he oso prayed for me, and fasted during winter.. i really appreciate that, MAV!!! THANKS!

Thanks really, ALOT to every1 who prayed for me... i really really APPRECIATE YOUR PRAYERS!

Praise God . . . he does miracles...

hee hee
this is my prayer list:
*created and organised by ELI!* hahas..

ok
PRAYER LIST!

START:

*ScHoOL LiFe*

1. PRAY FOR A SCHOOL REVIAL IN ALL THE CAMPUSES!!!!!!!! (this is the MOST impt)
2. PRAY THAT i can get into express next year! :) hee hee... PLZ HELP ME FOR THIS! i really need it!!!!!!!
3. PRAY THAT hilda can get into the combi of her choice!
4. PRAY FOR the O lvl ppl! ask GOD to giv them wisdom when dey do the paper
5. PRAY FOR KOKSENG!


*ChUrCh LiFe*

6. PRAY THAT Beeleng has more strength, she is looking really tired since she has been taking 2 Cell Groups...
7. PRAY THAT Jiaying won be so stressed over exams, and that her results will be GREAT!
8. PRAY THAT we will HAVE OUR OWN BUILDING SOON!!
(IN THE MARKETPLACE, FOR THE MARKETPLACE, TO PENETRATE THE MARKETPLACE)
9. PRAY FOR CELL GROUP GROWTH!
10. PRAY THAT NEWCOMERS WILL LOVE COMING TO CHURCH AND COME AND AGAIN AND FEEL GOD MOVE IN THEIR LIVES!!!!!(this VERY IMPT!!!!) hahas


WHOEVER READS THIS! PLEASE PRAY FOR THESE!!!!! PLZ PLZ PLZ!!!!!!
hey, watch this too! *press the url*
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-VnSEaPn6M
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cyheJ480LYA&mode=related&search=
really, really watch it... it really touched my heart... i cried... i hope it will touch your heart too


*last note*
i just want to write this prayer out...

God,
please let me be on FIRE for you all my days, please ... i dont wanna backslide anymore.. i dont want to be scared anymore.. i dont want to cry because of rejection anymore.. i Need You, Father... Abba... God i love you, with all my heart, all my soul... you said to Peter, If you love me, Tend my sheep.. Father, I Pray that you teach me HOW to tend your sheep... i WANT to be a blessing for you and for others, that others will see your love through me.. i Want to be a star thrower, to make a difference... Father help me... Father, please let me not drift away from you, let not people bring me down with unkind words, with unkind actions... with anything! Father! IM LIVING YOU YOUR APPROVAL! NOT MAN'S APPROVAL! FATHER! I need you... i cant take it.. im being compared... i really really cant take this... its the same problem , bugging at my heels.. Father... HE WHO IS IN ME IS GREATER THAN HE WHO IS IN THE WORLD! FATHER I KNOW that WITH YOU i CAN overcome this problem of low self esteem and low self worth... FATHER i BELIEVE that it will come to pass! FATHER! i BELIEVE! HELP MY UNBELIEF!!! GOD! PLEASE! I LOVE YOU, I WANT TO SERVE YOU! BUT! that log in my eye, I HAVE to remove it before it takes over again, and before i can help others remove the speck in theirs... God... Please.. I Need you... Now and Forever... please let me love myself for who i am, and love others for who they are God... i dont WANT TO BE COMPARED TO ANY1!!!!!! FATHER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Help Me Let Go...
Help me.. Please.... help me to...

Love...


Trust...


Obey...


Believe...


Forgive...


not only those who love me, but those who do not...
Father...
Thank You. I believe what i pray for WILL come to pass... SOON! God.... i believe.. help my unbelief...

I Love you, God.. you Know i love you.....

Amen...

HEY!
EVEN MORE POWERFUL!!!
I GOT BLESSED ANOTHER $30!!!!
WAA!!!
hahas...
because hari raya the green colour ang pao... i got $30! IM SO HAPPY!!
PRAISE BE TO GOD!
hahas..
this is awesome...
i put in$7 this time in the church offering, and now came back to me $30...
tell me is that amazing!
WA!!!!
GOD!!!
YOU ROCK!!!!!!

hahas...
i better remembe to bring the offering and TITHE next sunday... forget again den die lolz!!

hey, any1 who is reading this post, PLEASE PLEASE keep me in your prayers! I NEED THEM!

because i don wanna go to normal, and the overall results are coming...PLEASE pray for me, that i can go express!!!

GOD! THANKYOU FOR EVERYTHING YOU'VE DONE TO BLESS ME!!!!
PLEASE HELP ME FOR THIS!

HEY HEYY!!! GOT THINGS TO ADD TO THE BLESSING!
not only was i blessed with $34, i GOT A NEW HP!
lol
actually the story of how i got a hp is really funni...
because, my ma like.. knocked at my door at like.. 6.30 saying, there was this offer to buy nokia hp, and... yea la, got discount :D haha... so i was like OKOK!!! haha... den i had to bargain wit my pa..was acting like some salesman, making the product sound so good lar! hahas... dots.. .anyway, i got laughed at, but he said yes:D

hahas...
im struggling with it now haha :P no idea how to use nokia =.= ... but because my hp spoilt.. so i was in need of a phone.. the hp i was using temporarily was my ma's extra phone... so i borrowed it hee hee....

really wanna thank God for all the blessings lar....hahas... lol, something really lame hapened today lar, i got blessed the day b4, and I FORGOT TO BRING MY TITHE TO CHURCH!!!!!! AARRHHH!!!! so i was like.. o shit, den aiya... use the blessing as tithe 1st den go home claim back -.- .... so... i was broke again =.= HAHA!! sounds so ironic.... haa....

wow, the Presence Of God today was really strong..i din really cry la, which made me sad, because i wanted to feel his presence more, but it was still strong... i rmb feeling shaking all over, like.. goosebumps like tat.. idk whether its the cold arnot.. hahahas..... anyway, IT ROX! the song, Falling at your Feet, really made me like WHOA!!! hahas... because, i didnt know it was that song until the chorus-.- *blur blur* hahas...cant wait for Breakaway Youth Camp!

haha... im blogging alot today...thanks to whoever read till here already, its ALOT! hahas... anyway, i and Alvina, we really have alot in common, i found out... hahas... it was so fun today, we went to Plaza sing and ... well.. *thanks to me* GOT LOST! hahas... literally, we had to like.. ask directions to the atm, and when we went a 2nd time, we got lost AGAIN! =.= like.. waa... hahas...dots.. but she really rox lar.. she followed me to get my guitar strings! that really made me so happy hahas... because i really really REALLYY needed strings...(the ironic thing is that i have TOTALLY no idea how to string a guitar) wa... i feel touched by that act of service hhahas... Thankyou, baby :) Dada love you forever... hahas... :) i hope our friendship will never break apart, no matter what reason... i don wanna change so much that i dont know her anymore, like what happened with my other friendships wit other ppl... but in that case, i changed, and ThEY also changed... so its not just me! *hee* =.=ok lame-.- haa... but seriously lar... i don like making enemies... so at the most i will just avoid lor...T___T''' haizz.... I need God more than ever ... i feel blessed, but at the same time i feel unable to worship him... i donno y! i can praise, but cant worship! and when i was not blessed like this, i could! i CRIED! Y ISSIT I DIDNT CRY THIS TIME ROUND!!!!!.... i need GOD! arh..... so frustrated... i feel so... BAD! .......actually, i was intending to treat ppl today... because of the blessing... who would hav expected, i was blessed, and forgot to bring the blessing -.- TATS STUPID LAR!!!! ......... haiz... i feel like a failure... haiz.. o well, its not too late i hope.. maybe i will bless them next week..... hmm.... haiz...i hope i can... i pray that alvina's problems and my problems get solved faster... God, I wanna be a light that shines through for you in the darkness of the world..... i want to be a servant.... ... ... father help me... teach me how... teach me how to live, teach me how to pray, teach me how to worship.. I LOVE YOU LORD!... I believe, Help my UNBELIEF!

hey, final word here, ppl, whoever reads this, plz pray for Beeleng... she looks more tired now that she is taking 2 cell groups... plz pray that God will give her strength. AND, AND AND, PLEASE!!! pray for all the O lvl ppl!

heya!

hahas..

im at my amah house nw.. she asked me to go there for dinner! wa... EAT UNTIL SO FULL!!!!!! ..stumack wan bao za...

HEY! I GOT A NEW TESTIMONY!
i put $10 in the offering today, at cell... and,
my pa just came home, giving me a those hari raya ang pao frm my nenek, and IT WAS 20 DOLLARS! tats not all, my ah gong blessed me $10, my amah blessed me $4!

total, input- $10
output - $34!!!!
TELL ME! IS GOD REAL OR WHAT!



CG was GREAT!
hahas... we celebrated Cheryl's bdae today! haha.. hope she had fun :) and, 3 new ppl transferred in from another cg hahas.... cant wait to get to know them more... :) haha.. anyway, i realised that i have actually more in common with alvina then i thought... well, haha.. like father like daughter :) but really lar... Alvina IS the BEST! shes the BEST daughter any dada could ever ask for... hhaaha... anyway, dey had gers tok jus nw, and wa.. it was so BIMBOTIC! lol... cant tahan it...T___T''' really arh, i took a test, and it said my inner gender is 85% masculine and 15% feminine... which i personally agree, because i like protecting ppl, and im not really INTO shopping this kinda thing... ok, i just dont act like a ger lah! hahas... T__T''' issit a good or bad thing? i donnno... but only thing i know, I DON WANNA REMAIN SINGLE FOREVER!!!!!! hahas.... dots....

hee hee... haiz.. ive been doing alot of thinking lately arh, about like.. origin, and what will happen if one day, we realise that there is no God... i mean! NO, I STILL LOVE GOD! but, what if? wont it be like.. so hurting, that imagine one day we die, and find out that there is NO heaven and NO hell! den how? we walked the narrow way for nothing? haiz...where will we go!... so many unanswered questions... i mean, there are so many religions in the world... how will we know which is the right one to follow?

im still so immature haiz....T__T'''
haiya...i donno lar....... i don wanna be too mature, and yet i don wanna be too immature...the best combi is be mature, yet childlike... NOT CHILDISH! haha.... haiz... im really thinking abit too much huh?

heya!
im kinda bored so posting now...
RAWR
hahas...
anyway, that ms sim that sms, it was a sms that was sent a LONG time ago
idk y my ma kept it in her hp.. lol.. scared me la... hahas....

MY RESULTS SO FAR:
english-65
maths-36?
chinese-39! (shocked that its higher than maths lol)
science-70.5!!!!!!!!!!MIRACLE!
geog-55
haha.. i wrote "With God, all things are possible on almost every paper i had hahas..." it really helped me on the science paper hahas.... i cant believe i improved so much thanks to the Grace of GOD! :D THANK YOU!!!!

TODAY THERE WAS A P6 GRADUATION PARTY!
wa.. fun fun! powerful presence of God...
even when they were practising the songs, wa.. the tears just flowed... it was SO STRONG!. . . lol...and, surekha came! i was so surprised to see her there! lol... but when i saw her, i din hav anything to say... haiz... that was sad. . . i met sarah, waited for her for 45 mins about there... GRRH!!! hahas..it was really funny, because i was so bored, that i fell asleep, and some auntie came and asked me, "Girl, you ok ma? you feeling sick? or tired?"haha.. shocked me man! so i just answered" waiting for my fren..."den she asked " is the can on the floor yours?" i just replied "no" haha.. den she walked away... lol... Gideon worked the projector, and Sarah did the chorus board hhaha... tats her ministry btw, Chorus board! its so cool lar! deir teamwork was amazing hahas...

lame lar... =.=
anyway, i just reached home hahas... went shopping with wendy :) well.. window shopping... hahas... and its not shopping for windows... T___T''' hahas... saw alot of discounted things.. lol... we went into all the shops with sale X] hahas.. but nothing to buy hhahas...she sent me to the zebra crossing, where i wld walk to bus stop go home hahas.... well... it was really fun , because even though i missed the bus, (i come and it went) i got to watch ppl skateboard! so cool lar! hahas....


so.. yeap... im at home now, sianing.... k i think i will sleep now..
hmmn... i m b o r e d . . . .
haha
k lar
NITEZ!

I FINISHED CLEANING MY ROOM!

after... lemme see... ... ...6 hours
hahas



check this out,



BEFORE














AFTER




IM SO HAPPY!!!!! hahas

heya
sorry to worry any1 that got worried when reading the previous post... i appreaciate your concern . . . . thanks... i guess i know who my true friends are ... . . .. :')

anyway, this really shocked me, ms sim smsed my ma!
i wasnt snooping around my ma's hp or anything... she asked me to check for messages, den i saw

Ms Sim STC:
"Gd morning. This is Ms Sim fr CHIJ STC. Elizabeth's form teacher. I wld like to check if elizabeth has seen a psychiatrist. I understand that that was the follow-up action agreed upon after the meeting with mrs kong and mrs woo last semester."
...direct quote..

wa..
BIG SHOCK MAN!

omg...........

HEY HEY WAIT!
IM NOT INSANE!
crazy maybe
BUT NOT INSANE!
OK?!?!?!??!!!

haiz... yea... theres so much to say that i think i should write another post, despite it being the same day........ issit possible for a person to go from elated to miserable? . . . . haiz... i was so happy, that i could finally go out with hilda and sukhbir and yingting...the last thing on my mind was that they would back out last minute... h a i z. . . yeap.........even though its not dey don wan go, its they canot go..... but..yea.... im just really really sad nw.....haha.. feel like emoing... well....tomorrow will be a sad sad day... for a sad sad person, aka me. :D OH ITS JUST SO SAD.

idk la...lately, been feeling really really stressed out..... like im being streched longer than i can be stretched....i feel forgotten half the time, by people that i thought were my friends.... issit because i take things seriously? maybe.... haiz.... i cant believe this..... i really cant believe this.... T__T''' i feel so IGNORED! ... can feel the tears welling up liao... ... ... haiz... maybe i was too trusting... maybe i was too open, to let their words in, to trust them... the z2h oso... we havent even come up with a band name, and gotta submit the form in 6 days. haiz..... i feel so alone. ... i wish someone cared enough to listen.... but now that i think about it, who will listen to me? i wont say anything... because i already have that mindset that i cant trust others, and when i talk to ppl i forget that its dangerous to take their words seriously, then i'll just be broken even more? i cant trust enough to talk to others about it, and im letting the wrong ppl in.... tasukete kudasai.... please... i cant take this anymore.......i really really CANT TAKE THIS ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! T___T''' some1... any1....


...
haiz....
suan le...
i dont think any1 will even bother reading this
who bothers reading my blog?
who gives a shit about my blog!
im alone again...
as usual...
isnt life great?
:D I LOVE LIFE! ITS BEAUTIFUL! SMILE AT ALL THE MURDER AND TERRORIST ATTACKS, AND THE 9/11 BOMBING!!! ITS SO WONDERFUL! I FEEL SO ALIVE!!! CANT GET ENOUGH OF LIFE!!! GIVE ME MORE!!!! :D :D :D


...
t a s u k e t e k u d a s a i . . .

helloz!
wa...today arh... go do CIP...me, min xin, hilda... waliao, we got lost! haha.... but we went bukit merah library to do... anyway, lemme tell you this, DONT ever go there to do cip... know y?

1stly, we had to waste $2 to use the computers, which is btw 3cents/min,
2ndly, the form we filled up took forever, it kept saying internal error,
3rdly, the person we sought for help, told us to type out the form again and again,
4thly, when we sought her for help again, she said "Oh, sorry, i cannot accept you because you have to fill out the form first" (because the com keep saying internal error, and we canot do anything about it)
5thly, i couldnt do even if i filled out the form because i was wearing slippers?! like WTH!!!!!!!

so... DONT ever go bukit merah library....lol... it was dam stupid la...in the end we just went tiong go walk walk...... hahas...
here are some photos i was so wu liao enough to take while waiting for hilda to type her credentials:



MIN XIN!!!


haha.. hilda's slippers... too big for me...


MIN XIN!!! again


HILDA!! kang kang


lol.. some random pic of me... tat i took because i wanted to test out my hp camera hahas




lol... dey were like.. so irritated wit me for taking all the pics :) HAHA!
cant wait for tmr....
finally can go out with yingting and sukhbir!
FOR THE 1ST TIME!
hahas.. hope its fun!
can go out with my shifu, mommi, and kangie :D so happy ...
hahas
:D SMILES!

lol...im really irritated now, because i just woke up, and got this HUMAN
added me on msn, and i thought it was tanya, but well.. its nt, and
(westlife_is_my_favourite_band@hotmail.com) keep asking for my no. ...
irritating larh! i donno wan for WHAT oso...i oso never see him/her b4
dots..... haiz.. i type donno how many times no, he/she so WU LIAO !
dam irritating lar!!!!!!.... stupid bodo... GRRRH!!!!!! IRRITATING!!!!!

anyway, ma found pa's copy of Lord of the rings :) as in, the book, not
the movie hahas.... but ITS DAM OLD!!! hahas... she said look at the
publisishing date, which is 1965?! and the date written in pen is '78
so does that mean, the book is... what.... 42 years old?! wow.....amazing
but i dont think so hahahaha! anyway, gonna read it soon hahas...
because, well frankly, i have nothing else better to do........

:) smiles! bb:)

haiz... they just backed out..... i feel like my world is crashing down upon me...
i feel like im faling into an abyss....hilda cant go,sukhbir cant go, yingting is
uncontactable...haiz.... isnt life great...?

morning, evening, another day :)
hahas...
ok lame quote haha
i've been thinking, what should i read 1st? the bible or the life application
bible? hahas.. one is thin, the other is thick. one is brief description, the
other is the whole point evidence elaboration...wa...HOW!!! any1 reading
this please tag and tell me what should i do.... i dont know =.=haiz... lol
i feel empty lately... idk y, but when im alone, its hard to talk to God...
i want to talk to him more! i really wanna! but... how come its so much
easier in Cg or best, Church! Y!!!! i canot be going to church every night
just to talk to GOD! Y!!! arhz...haiz haiz....T_T''' anyway, im looking
4ward to tmr... me, kang, minxin, isma(maybe) gonna go library do CIP!
haha...
k lar...im looking forward to thursday, not tomorrow... because thursday
can go orchard there with hilda, sukhbir and yingting! i was really excited,
because i never went anywhere except school?! with yingting and sukhbir.
..so, im hoping it will be a great experience la hahas... :) who doesnt like
going out! but only problem is im broke -.-hahas.. gonna dig the house for
money today.... hahas.. look under the bed, under sofa bla bla bla... hahas...
anyway, am i immature? because its bothering me... AM i immature? Am
i mature? what am i? T___T''' oh well.... time to read finish.... hahas...
i will try reading the life application bible... which is like.. 2304 pages, 1 page
is super long la the text... donno hw many words... sigh...so far i read till genesis
chapter 4... den wah... wan die liao...haha... SO CHIM LA CAN! =.= ...haiz...
ok la ok la
im gonna try :) (hey, btw, its 12.30am now, so i will edit this post again later
when i wake up! :D )

NITEZ!

HEYA!
2dae got school lolz
i brought the laptop 2dae hahas.... in the end is my ma and me share :) because she say that she won everyday use, so the days she don use i can use :D haha! anyway, there was beach cleaning today... hahas.. i din noe that until i got in school.... which by the time i already brought it.... hahas......... anyway, beach cleaning was fun! surprisingly.... haha... we played alot while cleaning... lolz... prob is im broke now hahas.... T___T"''' sad.... lol...den anyway, after that, we came back to school, and played cards until 1.15, which was when we checked our papers hahas... i got 65/100 total for my english :) ... well.. i think so la at least... hahas... :D anyway, tat really made me happy! :D THANKS GOD, FOR THIS RESULT! :) ....hahas......anyway, im at home now haha.. watching lord of the rings... finally im at part 3 hahas..... kinda boring.... anyway, i will hav more to say later... so i will edit this post later hahas... :)


hahas... k back... :)
its raining now...so beautiful... dont you love the rain? haiz... i feel so weak... so tired... but i cant sleep...idk y... hahas.... =.= the rain is the best time to sleep... and i cant sleep... T___T''' haiz..... k la k la.... anyway, yeah... the rain has been going on for sometimes liaoz.... as in, it started raining quite long ago haha....lol.. just thinking... the phone that my ma lent me has a really good camera... so im happy hahas :) 2.0 mega pixel, auto focus... hahas... ROX! ... :) anyway, yea... gonna try sleep now... i wish some1 will fix that toilet light... otherwise every1 has to always bathe in complete darkness, which is scary...haha... k la... im falling asleep... k k ...bb

Helloz!

twin came my house today... she cut her hair! looks alot better now
hahas... anyway, we practised guitar and went with hilda and valerie
go swimming :) here is some pics..

isnt Eliz Goh Pretty! :)

me and kangie

eliz goh without the make up

VALERIE!

say... YAY!!!

hahas.. we went hilda house, because it rained.. den when stop raining den we go... haha,,, was like . . . so rushed.. haha... anyway, at hilda house, we were playing with all her stuff... den suddenly valerie go take eye shadow make up on me.... like waaT___T''' haha.. anyway, then every1 started playing with hilda's make up.. . . . hahahas.... den after tat we go swimming... got lost hahas... stayed there only about 30 mins, cuz valerie gotta go home hahas.... yep... mrt was crowded, then i leave 1st because the swimming complex and my house is only 1 stop, so i was laughing at dey all cuz dey gotta take all the say to jurong east and boon lay :) hahahahaha NEHH!!!! lol.... so.. yea.. im at home now.. watching part 2 of lord of the rings... doing nothing... sianing, multitasking hahahahas.....

dont you feel great... just look around you... i mean, like.. see your msn
friends list... aren't more ppl putting msn nicks that are about Christianity!
:D isnt that great! more and more ppl will get saved! isnt that great!
shout for joy! :D

i want to add to that joy. :) i want to be a blessing. i want a MIGHTY REVIVAL
to break forth in STC! just imagine, what will happen if the same thing as the pg
revival happens in stc too! wouldnt that be great! hahas...i pray it really comes to
pass.. thats my dream! that one day, Stc will see a great revival! isnt it great
to be in an environment where almost every1 are christians? JUST IMAGINE!
it would be GREAT! like fellowshipping in school! not bad hor! :D

This little light of mine..
Im gonna let it shine...
This little light of mine...
IM GONNA LET IT SHINE!!!
SHINE SHINE SHINE!

Matthew 5:14 You are the light of the world- like a city on a hilltop
that cannot be hidden!
just looking at this verse alone, doesnt it also refer indirectly to STC? STC is
"Light On The Hill" which is like... motto or something hahas... i donno, but
it affects! just its not a city on the hilltop, its a school! and i pray that we WILL
SHINE FOR GOD!!!

heya...
im back from church...yea..
so pai seh la can... ppl say me look... (well... ... this is awkward).... ok pretty..
today....becasuse i wore a skirt... hahas... haiz... i wish i wouldnt get hugged
so much... i don really like it... that too has a reason, but i don wanna type it
out.. hahaha.... oh well... today... alvina didnt come... she got grounded...
haiz... well... missing her .... haiz... i feel so down now... i mean, aiya... i cant
say what it is la.. but... haiz... just know im feeling down la can liao ... -.-
dots..... this thing has been burdening me alot lately... i've asked valerie
and kangie and twin come church multiple times, and dey all are sick of me
asking... and the damage ive done is like.. permanent, and i cant get undo
it.... haiz... i feel so useless... i cant even bring any1 to church.... im supposed
to be blessed to be a blessing to others, but what blessing am i? im a
problem.... and another verse says, Hypocrite! first get rid of the log in your
eye, before you help your neighbour get rid of the speck in theirs" ... but
how do i get rid of that log? its a problem, which never leaves me.. haiz....
what do i do now? where can i go from here? im so scared to trust any1
now manz.... im afraid... true, on the outside i look strong... i act strong...
but look deep down, im weak... but through God, let the weak say I AM
STRONG. so one day, i pray that my heart will be strong, that i can
overcome all the fears and insecurities in my heart, and i can be a blessing,
and there will be a GREAT REVIVAL! i confirm the future now. faith as a
mustard seed can move mountains. do you know just how small is a
mustard seed? half a green bean. do you know how large is a mountain? it
has to surpass what... 600m? so if a small mustard seed can move such a
big mountain, same as my faith! my faith may be small, but i believe that
it will one day MOVE THE MOUNTAIN OF PROBLEMS IN MY LIFE!
then, the log in my eye will be removed, and i will be able to help so many
others remove the speck in theirs.....

God, Oh God...
I Need You...
now and forever. im yours.

heya!
wa... cg at my house yesterdae was powerful! hahas... cried... actually, i cried before cg started, because i was real stressed over something ( the proof that my being blur actually causes alot of trouble ) hahas... i mean, i left my house at like...9++? to follow my ma with an errand... so after that, it was 11.40, and i rushed wit her to get a cab, so i was really really stressed because i didnt wanna make every1 wait, and i couldnt contact beeleng, and my string broke...so i was thinking that later cg how, if dey all using my guitar, isnt the string broken? how can play! like whaaa.. . . . . . . hahaa... so i took a bus, because no cab wanna stop. . . . hahas.. den, on the bus the tears just flow ... . . .. wa i was so scared.... haha... so den i got to the shop, long time later.. den when i was reaching the stop, beeleng called me back.. . . ... so i was like "wah" because she said that she will bring her guitar.. so i was thinking,...heng arh... but anw my ma say faster get the string... since there liao.. so i get the string, zao zao zao zao downstair go mrt den go back home.... and i still was late... haiz... i feel so bad manz... hahas T___T''' hee hee.... but cg was nice :) hhaha... there was a powerful presence..alot pple cried...when BL played "still" was like wah..... it was really encouraging la.. den later, she asked us to pray in pairs of 2 :) .. hahas.... i was with my dearest baby :) alvina :) hahas... so... we prayed... wa... praying with alvina.. i can feel that she really loves God.... it was really good praying with her... hahas.. :) wa... one day i wanna be like beeleng... a great guitarist... hahas...well.. thats my short term goal, to become W387's cg guitarist :) hopefully it can come to pass... hahas....

yesterdae, we went to near surekha's house go eat dinner X] hahas.... alvina at 1st say canot come... den...wa... when i was with wendy , looking around what to buy, ALVINA AND JIAYING SUDDENLY SHOWED UP!!! !!!!!!! hahas... wa... i threw myself at alvina, giv her BIG BIG HUGGY!!!! :D hahas... missed her lar.... T___T'' hahas.... but it was good lar... fellowshipping... the only thing is that i suddenly felt angry, and started emoing hahahaha :D... oh well... but thats ok, cuz i got a short temper....so i get angry fast, and easily! =.= hahahaha... ok lar dots...

haha.. after eating, dey all go home... i folo jiaying go cut hair! :D wa... Jiaying so good man, she gav me her 10$ discount card... she said its ok, because she said she won cut her hair again till after 30 nov, and 30 nov is the date the discount card expires . . . hhahas... wa... JIAYING LOOKS SO CUTE WITH SHORT HAIR!!!!!! hahas.... really really cute! lolz.... she looks even younger.... hahas.... kawaii kawaii! kk, today i will take a pic of her, show whoever is reading this hahas :) SHE IS REALLY VERY CUTE!!!!!! hahas.....kawaii kawaiiii!!!! i cant wait to see how adorable she will look tmr... haha :D

hee... k, time to bathe... haha.. today... gonna have to wear skirt... i guess...Jiaying said, yesterday, that since the guys are putting in an effort to go spike up deir hair, us gers should follow suit..... eh BUT not follow suit spike hair lar, just wear skirt... hahas... ITS BRYAN'S BIRTHDAY TODAY!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAE BRYAN!!!

wa...
that time when i play wit ami and yore yore, i was high...
now... its my ma's turn.. .. . . . . dots...
she 2dae arh... wa... i folo her go downstair eat breakfast... is like wah... i ask her advice on what name to give the band la.. .den... wah! sianz... she started laughing non stop making up stoopid names like "st. thresas chicks" like WTH! sianz... den i realli fight wit her sia, SHE SO IRRITATING! i throw 3 cups of water at her and she still continue laughing... i spray shower at her, she still laughing.... -.- irritating sia hahas ... hahas she is self entertaining X] and so am i! hahas... but she is worse den me by alot hahahaha :)
a lame mother will make a lame daughter...
hhahas....
DIAO!!!!!!!!

hahas...anyway,
im sorting out my music now.. hahas... its like.. taking forever ... i mean, i started two days ago, and havent finish.... hahas... cuz i got 1000+ songs in my com.. and.. its kinda hard sorting out.. anyway, so far i deleted 40+ songs, and im at "R" now haha.. (the songs are in alphabetical order) but unfortunately, im at "R" , but, i still have the chinese songs folder, christian songs folder, jap song folder, linkin park folder(hahas i love linkin park so i have a folder for them!) :D.... bla bla what more folderz... -.- sianz..... hahas . . . . . thank god i have an ipod... k, anyway, im going bathe liaoz, so bb! :D

dam font

YOZ! hahas
val and twin came my house todae!
haha... so fun :) and i got to eat laksa!
hee hee....
anyway, i was really happy when dey came, not only because i had company at home other den my ma, but oso that i played the song on guitar, Heart Of Worship, and dey sang along! hahas... wa... its like the 1st time i every succedded playing a song that ppl other than me can sing hahas... even though the way i played kinda sucked, dey sang! so... that made me happy :) but, ironically, immediately after playing it, i practised barring chords, holding the guitar by the 1st fret with your index finger... and... my 4th string SNAPPED! ... like wa...!!! -.- haiz... i was so sad lol haha.... im still sad, because the only guitar strings i had, (which somore were a prezzie from beeleng), my pa go and take it and THROW IT AWAY when i was downstairs, so i didnt know until i came back, and i couldnt have stopped him... den i go home question him what did he do! he keep denying... but my ma say its him...so im confused, angry and stressed out -.- haiz.... i feel so bad, because beeleng gave me the strings.... its like... WAH! PPL GIV ME PRESENT DEN MY PA GO THROW IT AWAY! WALIAO!!! he alwayz like that la... tt time my ma put things in plastic bag, HE JUST THROW! he don see what is inside the plastic bag la! ... he just take and throw... like what the hell la...if the things inside are important den how!? ... some more the prezzie that BL gav me was in a plastic bag when i went downstairs.... WHAT THE HELL LA!!! die.... -.- T___T''' haiz...... what the hell la he..... IDIOT ... haiz... im so sorry, beeleng....... T___T"'' arh!!! I FEEL SO GUILTY!!!! WHAT THE HELL!!!!!!!!!! T____T"

rant rant diff book

hahas..
k
you know what?
I WILL RANT X]

hahas... i think i fell for beeleng's trap, she asked me who is the person who lied to you... ended up wit a long explanation hhahas -.- haiz die die... oh well... hee..... DAMMIT! T___T ''' well, anyway, im gonna have to find something to do nowadays, since i don see a point in studying since exams are over... hahas... maybe i'll try to finish reading that really really thick bible -.- hahahas....no not the normal one, the Life Application Study Bible X] hahas... well, LIKE IM SO DEVOTED XP hahahaha... lol... its like.. 2300 pages long , come on man ! oh well.... time to study..... -.- just with a different book...

k... im gonna TRY TO live for God's approval, not man's approval, like beeleng said... hahas... k lar k lar... idk whats gonna happen.... im scared, paranoid, going insane wit all this pressure... haha . . . anyway, im thinking now, that i'll give up with feeling angry. it dosent solve anything. if i wan anything done, i will get revenge X]HAHA..... ....OR, i'll just close up my heart and not let any1 hurt me anymore :) that way, its like a win win situation.. well it seems like that to me nw, cuz so i wont be bothered by anything going on around me :) ... but idk whether i can do that hahahaha~ . . . . . im overlysensitive... i noe tat... oh well... T__T''' i need a place to vent the anger boiling up inside..... ARHHHH!!!!!!!!!! frustration....... oh well...........

i need a solution... because the way i see it, its not fair. its just not fair.

wow... exams are over...
i feel guilty that i didnt do my best, didnt study enough... oh well.. thats what i feel.... hahas.. haiz

anyway, today was science paper... yep... quite easy... i took my time, den when finished checking, i had 4 minutes left over hahas.... haha... wa... i really hope i can get into express next year . . . i mean, ... i just cant see myself as a normal student... maybe its just my pride... hahas.. oh well.... my life feels so dead... haha... im hoping for the best for tmr's results... i really hope i can pass.... hahas..... haiz ~ i got no mood to rant about every insecurity in my heart now, so i will just leave it as this...hahas ~

anyway, today we~me, eliz goh, valerie, hilda ~ went shopping to celebrate the end of exams :) sad la, we had to bring clothes, because wanna go arcade... the ddr wa...i deproved! canot play maniac liao -.- T.T" so pai seh la can, i tried maniac den suddenly see demello there.. wakao man.. so pai seh.... can die T.T" GRRH! haiz.. anyway, valerie, kangie, twin treat me to this jap restaurant to celebrate my bdae... wa i was so touched . . . . . it was so unexpected... because dey din really celebrate my bdae because it was exam period that time.. den... wa... i thought dey forgot.. but THEY DIDNT!!! THEY REMEMBERED ME!!!!!!!!

can you believe it?

THEY REMEMBERED ME

. . .
i feel so touched...

im like.. the luckiest person in the world to have friends like that... i appreciate it alot...

thanks. . . . .

Thanks, God

haha... i feel go thankful...
because, * ok this maybe lame -.- *
because, everytime i wear my contacts, they hurt and takes donno how many tries just to get it in, but i asked God plz plz let it be painless, i very scared -.- hahas... den.. wa... today wear... NO PROBLEM! :DD

its the little things that matter X]
Thanks, God :)

how much more of this can i take?
its killing me
i wanna die
haiz...
i always feel compared... like im just a comparison used for .......idk .....her perfection?
i dont know anymore... y issit alwiz my fault. everything that goes wrong is ALWAYS MY FAULT. no no, never your the one in the wrong... ALWAYS me.
im the one you will forever blame, forever persecute....
ALWAYS EVERYTHING THAT GOES WRONG? AND ITS MY FAULT. you changed" you lied"

why? did things have to be like this
y
y y y
i wasnt stupid?
im not stupid?
what am i now?
what do i have to show for everything?
still ranting about this, i COULD HAVE GONG TO SPECIAL STREAM, NOW IM GONNA GO NORMAL?!
what the hell
help
..... god..
i need you...


i cant say out anything... i canot do anything...
why would you care...


DONT LIE TO ME ANYMORE YOU FUCKING BITCH

MS SIM?!

i... dreamt that i was being scolded... can you believe that?! ms sim actually scolds me SO much that it even haunts me in my dreams... som more she was like.. scolding me for something i din know i was supposed to do?! HOW am i gonna do an exam like this?! i feel so stressed night now! because of a DrEaM!?!?!?!?! WTH?! haiz............. With God, All Things Are Possible... With God, All Things Are Possible... With God, All Things Are Possible...

AMI AND ELI...

hello!
slept for like... 9 hours today total...had a really really weird dream where animals can walk and talk and i scolded some ahpek who scolded me 1st...hahas... i think that in the dream, i was on a bus with Wenjie and some other ppl that i canot remember :P, den canot remember after that... .. hmm...i dropped off 1st, and got lost... :P hee hee... anyway, it was very deja vu dream ...idk, wake up tt time was like.. freaked?! hahas.. T.T" hahas! Y ARE MY DREAMS SO LAME!!! -___-'''

eliz goh came my house todae :)


im studying LITERATURE now... dam sianz...
playing with my ami and yore yore ... haha! so cute!!! ami is digesting my ma's specs MUAHAHAHAHA!!!

hahas..
ok..thats over hee hee
sry arh, im high todae !
HHAAAAHAHAHAAAAA
bleahhhh -.-
ok, i WAS high.. im not anymore haha.. im back to being SANE :)



hee hee..
wa...
i was like... playing with yore yore, thinking of all the scenarios that would happen while ami was digesting the specs...

i e,


YORE YORE GOING TO DENTIST:

dentist will like.. say , " YORE YORE, SAY AHH!!!" den yore yore wiill sit there and stare... den dentist will be frustrated, and say "SAY AH!." den still continous stare... haha! den, dentist will force open yore yore's mouth den... say "eh?! no mouth -.-" HAA...



YORE YORE COMMITTING SUICIDE! :
well haha, the 1st thing is that, yore yore canot even get to the windowsill, the head is bigger than the limbs! hahas! :P ok, say it gets there, it will jump off, and when it hits the ground, it will BOUNCE!! :P haha!!



YORE YORE STRESSED OUT :
when yore yore is stressed, it bangs head on wall, but in this case, the wall is too far for yore yore to walk with the stubby legs, so it treats my mather's tummy as wall! so, it will run run there on stubby legs, and when it collides, it bounces off! haha! den fall back, repeat, repeat... bla bla... haha!! ok . . . like.. lame hhehehe



YORE YORE DOING GYMNASTICS:
hhaha... it canot even do it actually.. head too big haha!! :P



THAT WAS SERIOUSLY LAME.....

LAME
LAME
LAME
LAME
LAME
LAME
LAME


hahas X]


THIS IS AMI!, more commonly referred to as "DOG" hahas... prezzie from my ma when i was 11, Ami folo me go everywhere last time i remember.. hahas... like.. when pa wan drive us to cameron highlands, ami come and i play wit it all the way... Ami comforts me when im sad, plays with me when im happy, just sits and starexs when im doing other things... haha... and, well... Ami is part of my life .... that should explain y i was SO angry when hilda almost threw it in a dustbin, although it was jokingly.... i was angry. :X ... hahhas... AMI is my beloved. forever. it never hurt me, it forgivs me when i don play with it, even though i feel so bad that i left it there collecting dust for like.. so long... but, i sill love it... forever and ever... AMI AND ELI! :D hahas... AMI. it may not be the cutest or most adorable, or even most clean (i don dare to wash it, wait its fur spoil)... BUT, Ami is more than just a toy to me..its a memory, a friend, a comforter, a protector, a pillow, a toy, its my Ami. Irreplaceable, Unforgetable... Its My Ami . . . MUAHAHAHAHA :)

THIS IS YORE YORE! the eeyore that w387 gave me as a bdae prezzie... which really made me very touched, because the only disney character i like is eeyore :) and, i was kinda surprised when i got it hahas :)

heya...
exams were ok la ... passable :) hahas.... wa... the only thing i remember now is like.. that at the end of the geog paper, ms sim scolded us for writing when whe said pens down and talking?! like wth . . .i was so pissed because she called the names out of the girls who were still writing, and like practically shouted mine -.- y m i alwiz hated by chers . . . T__T'' oso kenaed scolding for playing wit a bendy ruler!? WTH !!! wa... oh well.. haha.. on the bus me valerie hilda tanya all play this game, where we insult each other X] hahas so fun! but.. so lame -.- d o t z . . hahas... :) anyway, now its raining, and im blogging, and im kinda bored, and i got tuition in 30 mins, so yea :)

helloz :)
haha,
er...
service was good :) but didnt feel very touched... haaa T___T''' oh well..

anyway,
hahas... meeting dem was FUN! hahas... i gave baby chocolates, and when she eat, found out that the chocolates hav melted....haiz... i feel so bad... didnt mean for them to melt... i didnt KNOW that dey melted.... haiz..... T___T''' aiya i feel so bad man... gotta repay her next week...

haiz... T___T''' anyway,
today was fun la :)
i didnt get to tell tt person all that i wanted to say... don noe how say, and don dare oso...

really getting stressed out by it...hahas.. lame right? most ppl get stressed about schoolwork, or studies. i get stressed about relationships...hahas... ok..im starting to think too much, so gonna drift from this subj X]

stress stress...hahas... anyway, im believeing GOD for a miracle... im studying maths now... hopefully i can get into EXPRESS NEXT YEAR!!!!! :D WITH GOD, ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE!


kk... im gonna use this space for reflections..muaahhahaha
idk y i like reflections..hahas...
tomorrow is my exam. im gonna hope that with GOD, all things are possible. so im gonna believe that im gonna get into sec 3 express next year. hopefully, i will :) with the grace of GOD!!! :D ...hahas...kk la.. i thought to myself before, what will happen if i go normal? i said to myself, that when i see my results, if i pass i will live on, if i fail i will commit suicide. IM NOT SUICIDAL, i just say that because i know that IM THE ONE IN CONTROL. hahas... who knows.. maybe one day i will be suicidal :P CHOY CHOY CHOY hahas... theres this thing, in sec 1, i had a chance to go to special stream. i turned it down. now, im going to normal. does this sound weird or what?!?!?! if i say now that i had that chance before, who will believe me? i dont wanna go normal... haiz.. not that theres anything wrong with it la, but i just canot accept that fact.
hatred is burning deep inside, and will nt go away... because its not fair. i feel so remorseful, so misjudged......


so confused... i dont know what to think anymore...

tasukete kudasai?

please?

tmr....
i gotta meet pg gang...
8am at tiong....

helloz
today cg was at my house , and dey all just left.
*sighs *
the message was good, jonathan shared a testimony that had the verse, WITH GOD, ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE.
yea..
nice
hhaha..
anyway,
i just feel like crying nw
i always feel forgotten, forsaken...
feel all alone.
idk y
idk how
because i tot im supposed to feel happy...
but y issit all the times im supposed to be happy,
im not
and i dont have the courage to do all the things i wanna do
i dont have that faith.
im not that strong.
outside maybe i will seem strong, but who sees behind that?
stone walls block everything happening inside the city. it protects the city, but at the same isolates them from the rest of the world...
beeleng said this abt me, my heart is like a rock. underneath the rock is spikes. underneath the spikes is a soft heart, that maybe with a single touch will crack and fall into a million pieces.

im scared.
of myself, of the people around me, of this world
im just really scared.

what m i living for?
no idea.
y m i crying?
no idea.
y cant i just be HAPPY
no idea.


the thing is...

i've got a problem


that i cant solve.

i just watched this show called, " FACING THE GIANTS " wa . . . . . its really encouraging la anw.... its abt this guy who is a football coach, and he coaches these guys, who have been losing for 6 years, he has a problem having a baby, and his car keeps breaking down. so, he like.. collasped when he heard that dey were gonna fire him, so he prayed, asked GOD for a miracle. den, wa.. SO MUCH CHANGED. he thinked a new philosophy for his team, and not only kept his job, but converted the team or christians, and WON THE STATE CHAMPIONSHIP! and, GOT HIS BABY, and GOT A NEW TRUCK GIVEN TO HIM! hahas.. even though its just a story, its really touching, this verse keeps coming out, " with GOD, all things are possible." whoever reads this, i hope you will feel encouraged too, when you see this verse. and hopefully, you will know, that HUMANLY, IT MAY SEEM IMPOSSIBLE, BUT WITH GOD, ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE.

well!
today sucked!
... during lit i cried, during assembly i cried, and during DONNO when else will i break down in tears. HAHA. i cried during lit while watching this poem on slide show:

Suicide in the Trenches by Seigfried Sassoon (1886-1967) a wartime English poet.

I knew a simple soilder boy
Who grinned at lige in empty joy,
Slept soundly through the lonesome dark,
And whistled early with the lark.

In winter trenches, cowed and glum,
With crumps and lice and lack of rum,
He put a bullet through his brain.
No one spoke of him again.

You smug-faced crowed with kindling eye
Who cheer when soilder lads march by,
Sneak home and pray you'll never know
The hell where youth and laughter go.

heyy!
THANKS JINGYUAN!
wa... your tag really encouraged me alot :) thank you!

today was average... eh... pretty much the same... only thing is this morning i was NOT late geting on the mrt to meet twin... :) most of the time i run there and just make it :P hee... ya... anyway, im reading this book called Angels and Demons by Dan Brown :) its dam nice loh! hahaha.... dots... anyway, i went eliz goh house todae, and wa... saw her sis :) THEY LOOK SO MUCH ALIKE! hahas....

REFLECTIONS
hee hee... time to rant :D
i cant find any1 to rant to still... don feel that i can trust them... anyway, i really bu xi guan telling other pple my problems if its really REALLY inward problems... hahas.. most of the time i search myself for the answer... AS IN search my THOUGHTS. hahas... lol -.- anyway... i feel kinda discouraged lately... pretty much because alot of pple are ignoring me... and it makes me so.. sad!!! hahas... *tears* oh well... i still have ammi ... my dear dear doggy to whom i can rant about anything when im sad.... and she won complain, insult, mock, or do anything else for that matter... hahas...


(stuff toy dog lar)

IM DAM SCARED I BECOME EXACTLY THE TYPE OF PERSON I DESPISE!! AHHHH!!! HELP HELP TASUKETE KUDASAII!!!!!!!!!

helloz :)
yesterdae alwin told me to draw out my dreams.
and i dreamt that i really drew out my dreams
and the pencil lead keep breaking -.-

helloz
im feeling really down today
idk y, because i was fasting today -.-
hahaha
that is really IRONIC.
wow.

haiz...

i really need some1 who will listen to me pour out all the troubles that are circling around in my heart... but who will be so good, to actually listen, and not scold me for what i think... until i finish... who is so good... who can understand what i feel? ... even the closest friends i have will not be there for me forever... that is sad, but its reality... people move on... and i'll just get left there, left behind, again... i wish that i can relive my life... i've made so many mistakes... trusting people was one of them... hahas.... i didnt expect it to hurt so much... i thought i've gotten over it... and now something totally new is coming into the picture and making it all blurry... haiz... and STILL, im trying to get twin and hilda to come church.... i feel like such a hypocrite... Matthew 7:5 "Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend's eye." well... maybe i dont know how to get rid of the log... who will help me? NOBODY will!.. i'll just be left there to bleed, as usual. crying out, searching, but he will find the door locked, and i lost the key... i try to hack it down, but still, it stands, stubborn as usual. he will not use his might and strength to knock it down. y? because he gave us free will. and, free will dosent work this time.. i need some1's help... but in reality... who will ?

help?

what was is what isnt
and truth lies in lies

i dont dare to trust any1 anymore... feel so awkward...haiz

wish i can be childlike again
but what happened?
i just donno anymore...

b4 sch

heya
its monday!
haiz.. im gonna die.. its art today, and i;ll be using cher's tablet pc again, because my com always cannot work haiz... haha.. anyway, i die, because i just redid my work last week, while every1 else did it since like.. since... 4 weeks ago? idk.. hahas. so i die :)

i just had a really really bad dream... dreamt of the past, that time when i was a slacker, and, like bo chap bo chap and ... was... when i was really dont care at all about the ppl that mean something 2 me... haiz.. whats ironic is that almost every1 donated blood in my dream... i still remember seeing the scar clearly on alwin's hand... he explained bone marrow donor... and.. ya he donated... BUT BUT BUT!!! it was just a dream :) hahas...

still remember exactly what he said.,"they poke two things through the top, then they poke back from the bottom, so that they can see your bone marrow" hahas.. den his hand like got rashes after it like that.. hahhaha....anyway, i can remember alwin's words because he was the last person in the dream... den i waked up.. hahas... ya.. den.. wake up le.... wa.. ZAOOO for sch.. late le... arh.. late late le .. i don care about rushing liao.. once late forever late -.- hahaha!. .. will be getting another yellow late form to add to my collection... haha!

wa... so many things made me feel shocked... both yesterdae and todae....... sCaRy!!!