SVC DAYY!

HELLO! its sunday :)
im getting ready to go 4 service :)
wa... jiaying ask me to wear the white colour shirt she buy 4 me 4 my bdae... AAHH!H!!!!.... pai seh pai seh........ oh well... anyway, i just put in the contacts :) im really really scared of them , den... right eye was dam pain... take dono how long put in.. den the left eye i scard will oso be pain... so i prayed, ask god plz don let it be pain X] *hee hee* and i put it in on my 2nd try! X] totally painless! X] IM SO HAPPY!!!! THANKYOU GOD!!!!!!!!!

hahas
kk
this is after svc
im just writing it on the same post to save posts number :)
hahas...met Daniel Salam today :) at abt.. 9.15:) hahas.. he giv me a bdae prezzie, BILLABONG PENCILCASE!!!! :) i feel so happy...he so good loh! hahas...im touched... im touched that every1 remembered my bdae... den... wa... svc, shiok man! pastor preach about giving, tithing.. i feel so guilty cuz im not a faithful tither... hahas... anyway, im really happy today... i wear a jacket over the shirt... hahas.. so... canot see anything! :) hahas...but.. got pple say that i looked good today, so im really like... uber HAPPYY!!!! hahas... but still so pai seh la can -.- omg... hahas... :)
beeleng dey all go blood donation 2dae :) was UBER sianz loh waiting for them... but.. beeleng is really good loh... i see her is like.. i wanna be like her more and more... omg la... she, when her turn for blood donation, she still run up to kokseng 1st ask him abt his maths, because he was studying wit jiaying from 3 to like... 8? hhahas.. den... wa... beeleng is so concerned...! im so... im so proud to be her member... she has changed my life so much... omg larhz...! :) ... i love her man... wa... hahas..... :)
anyway, (i've been like.. saying anyway alot now horz?)
hahas...
alot pple were asking me about the pencilcase, because dey ask me " y you bring so big pencil case, inside only got 3 pen??" (cuz i bring 3 pen 2 church... haha! soi was like..,. explaining the whole day y... hhaha... omg manz... i feel so touched la! that daniel not only remembered my bdae, but also got me a present... because i onli saw him 2 times, and talk on msn onli like that.. i was like.. wa......... omg manz! :) he is so good... :)

hey saturday

hey, saturday...
hahas...
saturday saturday... jolene wld be coming my hse.... idk what to say to her after me and my frenz saw her bro... he should wear contacts.... looks weird in specz... oh well... almost every1 looks weird in specs... -.- me included ... hahas....

today is cg day... i hope things go well...
hee hee.. im so happy because i think that ive improved on guitar!!! haha... im still a noob, but a bit better noob! X] well.. that made me really happy last night.... haha.. i dreamt of pg gang again.... canot remember what exactly happened... but.. yea ... hahas :) i find it just so cool to remember dreams... hahas... X] anyway, idk y, but i always feel that im missing something in everything i do... its like... so... frustrating... like you almost grasped the concept, and it slips right out of your hand.... ya, and also, yesterdae, the maths mock test, i was so stressed man! canot understand a single thing... i mean, its not that i cant understand, but i dont get it that y issit that there are so many methods, and only 1 is right. all the methods can use mah... but only 1 right answer. if you use wrong method? how you know its wrong? by working the sum backwards? and if the answer is the same den how... arent there more than 1 ways of factorizing?
i hate mathz.....

haiz... confused.... oh ya.. daniel ear come problem again-.- always his ear like got problem... like cursed like that lol ! jkjk -.- ... hahas../ wa... idk how did he twist a plastic sheet until it pop den his eardrum almost tear ... wa he power man.....shocking shocking.... -.- anyway, whoever reads this, plz pray for him! pray pray pray pray pray pray pray

:)

patrons day

today!
relatively good day
except after sch when i went emo..... weird
hahas.... anyway, 2dae was patrons day? idk how spell... haha... yea, we walked up to st thresas church. :) me and hilda were singing mammy poko pants like... all the way up... dots la...!

"easy wear diapers... MAMMY POKO PANTS!!! M size!"

like... dots... hahahas... lame lame -.- so childish...
lol im 14! gotta act mature!
emphasis on the word, "ACT."
hahahaha-.-
dots
well... i like being childish more! more fun hahahhaahaha.... lol X]
kk kk... anyway, today... hmmm we got free cupcakes in sch, er... ying ting said that she was an alien... like.. wth?! hahas... during the assembly period, some band came and played... hahas, only thing is the leader was uber lame... hahas... the whole school was like... * -____-''' * hahas ... they dam pro loh! only thing is that dey go and play like... turkish march... all the classical type songs.... -.- haiz... hahas... lol, i hope our zero to hero band can play as good as dem! hahas... but we will so NOT play lame songs... hahahahahaha -.- lol :)

after sch, we went kfc eat :)
played alot wit the food... i was emoing... and doing something that i like to, lick the mash potato off the spoon ... dey all were laughing at me .... haiz usual usual haha LOL! no la.... dey like... -.- dots... anyway, i kena "scolding" for shouting at hilda in kfc ...cuz hilda kik my leg, so i said this, " can you not kick the place my dick is supposed to be?!" den i say finish den realise... OOPS!!!!! omg.... haha...pai seh pai seh.... den valerie tell me to not say all the words out, so i was like.." I DONT FREAKING HAVE A ____, I HAVE A ___ DONT YOU KNOW WHAT THE HELL IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A ___ AND A ____??????!!!!!!! WALIAO!"
haha... so dots loh... well.. hilda was laughing non stop so i had to shout... ... GRHHH!!!! irritating... haha
...
on the way home i emoed... den...ya...hilda's ma saw hilda and she kena a lecture... wa... like scolding like that.. i cant really hear what dey 2 were saying so idk... den she go home... den we oso go home..

den...ya loh...
home..
sianing
...
nth 2 do...
sianing..
gonna zzz soon...

270903

omg manz..my tuition cher oso giv me cake... wa.. den tanya 2dae go dedicate something on radio for me... wa liaoz man IM SO TOUCHEDDD BY EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wa..... somemore 2dae amira, valerie, twin dey all sing bdae song 4 me... valerie play te guitar at my hse ... so touched man!!!den dey draw on paint for me HAPPY BDAE ELIZ!!!! den set it as my wallpaper hahas... i feel so happy!!! omg omg omggg....wa..................happy happy, anyway, i will offically be 14 in 19 mins! hahas... cool manz i noe the exact time HAHAHAHA!!! dots... anyway, ya... very touched today... happy, smiley, no exams for a WHOLE WEEK! im really grateful to have frenz like pg gang dey all and my sch frenz and w387!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im so...happy... happy happyyyy!!!!! touched.. ..

THANKS!!!!

HEYY!!!
IM SO TOUCHED LA CAN!!!! OMG!!!!
my dae b4 bdae is todae and, after sch, audrey and me and hilda go tiong walk walk..i was like..initally complaining cuz i wanted to go home and sleep, hoping that i will continue on my dream last night..that ended so abruptly... climanx..haha...ANYWAY, when i got home, jonathan suddenly showed up at my door, audrey say he here take something..i was like..suspicious all day, because aud was acting very weird lahz... haha.. anyway, w387 THREW A SURPRISE BDAE PARTY 4 ME!!!!!!!!! OMG LAR!!! I WAS SO SURPRISED!!!!... omg la..so touched manz... i canot believe that dey went through all this trouble just for me... and me, who was like..dun go svc, dun see dem often, not close to demz.... i feel so bad now...because dey did so much...... i am.. just ... so.. shocked...still kinda in shock when i think about it... i wanted to cry man at the spot.. and, THEY GAVE ME AN EEYORE STUFF TOY!!! and a WHITE TOP and a NECKLACE and GUITAR STRINGS and LOLLIPOP!!!!!!!!! I AM JUST SO TOUCHED... cannot thank dem enough leh...omg.....im so touched...........so touched so touched.................................................................!!!!!I LOVE YOU OMGGGG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!SOME MORE IS EXAM PERIOD LEHH!!! OMGGG!!!! SOME MORE WENDY AND BEELENG RUSH DOWN AND BEELENG LEAVE EARLY FROM WORK LEHH!!! JUST FOR MY BDAE!!!!!!!!!! OMGG!!!!!!...wa...i really feel so grateful for it all.... .thank you so much...
if dey read this, really... im really touched...really grateful... thank you. so so much.
:]

nightmare2

hey...
haha..had another bad dream -.-
was in the like..inuyasha era, i was some1 like a mix between kagome and inuyasha..as in, human, but wit inuyasha's agility.... den..ya, i was running from another monster... but it was alot more scary then the dream i had last night... really very dark de the monster... like, like an octopus with like..100 extra limbs, white eyes, no pupils, the grin was so scary, and the face completely black... its so freaky.. EI YUHH!!!...wa... den somehow i ended up on this ship with all of my family, and play play for awhile, den suddenly it started sinking... the board i was standing on started to slant downwards, and the tides, they were so strong...like 2-4 metres above sea lvl... idk whether that is considered strong la but to me it is... anyway, the board i was on started sinking, people people began sliding down.. i remember the 1st person was rachel, den i remember my ah gong, amah, me, saving her... den ok le.. the next person that fell in was my ma.....wa i was so panick...i run down grab her pull her up sia .. den..i canot remember what happen next, den after like..some confusion.. we all were back on the ship, den i was shouting "MA!!!, MA!!!" den rachel call me SHUT UP LA! ...woah i was pissed... den...den i just wake up... panick panick run to ma room see whether she still there -.- stayed wit her for like...30 mins... wa...i so scared manz.......

idk y in my dreams, y m i alwiz running...
come 2 think of it, i almost 4got that my eng exam is today...
AHHHHH DIEEE!! HAVENT STUDYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

nightmare1

OMGGG!!!!!!! i sleeped for 11 hourzz!!!!! -.- wow.. well i guess thats how tired i am -.- hahas... just woke up... had a dream that like...er... you know the Land Before Time? i dreamt i was the small dino that ..er... idk which one hahas... wa! dreamd that got duno what thing duno y wassit in my DREAM! ARH!!! anyway, ya... before i waked up, i dreamt that i was running for my life, by some sand monster... wa was so scared...but then the monster gave me BIG YELLOW BANANAS!!!!!!! like dots... haha... i thought that the bananas maybe would have sand inside... but its not, its literally just bananas.. wa.. then somehow i ended up in my ahgong hse.. den i was so freaked out that when my amah come in the hse i scream... but all she did was giv me oranges... den i wake up... d o t s leh!!! LAME DREAM!!!!! but when i waked up i was so scared... i felt like ...really the 1st thing that came into my mind was harry potter facing the avada kedavra curse...idk y i thought of that-.- OMG LA I WAS SO SCAREDDD!!!!!!!!!!

mei, why wont you listen to me...

a child's innocence robbed away
becomes a depressed teen
a depressed teen
becomes a suspecting adult
a suspecting adult
becomes a overprotective lover
a overprotective lover
becomes a overly sensitive partner
a overly sensitive partner
becomes a untrusting parent
an untrusting parent
becomes the child's source of misery


haiz... i wish i can do something...feel so helpless, she is being taken advantage of by that guy, and i donno whether her bro even gives a shit... but i donno y will she just not listen to me... makes me so worried manz...


hey, you gotta read finish this post to get what exactly m i trying to say here...even though it may not make any sense to you, if you read halfway, it will mean something completely different from what i mean....well..yea.thats all i wanna say

oh well...
i feel really depressed today... idk y... feel so immature... i took alot of tickle PhD tests, and theres 1 that says that im intelligent... i hope its true... so many people always put me down, because dey say stupid...dey laugh at me cuz im slow, cuz im blur... i used see things in a simple way, and now when i try seeing things in a more complicated way, my head hurts... i just want to live a simple, happy life... but y issit that whatever i do... it just makes everything worse... i feel so judged... like i want to get away from it all... but how... now, i just want to help that girl, but i cant, i dont know how, i feel so useless... seeing her, so innocent, and then she tells me about her bf, who is really really..taking advantage of her... i felt so sad when she tells me the things he does... and can see by her words, she dosent know anything... is like.. she is just a curious child, unsuspecting, so innocent, she loves him... thats what she told me, that she loves him... but, i feel so sad... she loves him and he takes advantage of it... true i met the girl on internet, but still... i feel so USELESS!!! haiz...wanna cry... when i look at life, i dont see anything happy anymore... everything is so complicated...if youre a simple girl, you get laughed at...
its so unfair, that people who really deserve it get nothing, and people who just DONT deserve it get everything... why! y is everything LIES! y cant people just say out everything, y cant people confess, or admit without fear of rejection! y is that people always will lie... haiz...

on saturday, i was really very sad...
i mean..like.. after going ramona's house for DNT project, i went wit audrey to tiong... den.. well, idk y, but i just cried... cried and cried and cried...when walking audrey home that time...i got so angry at everything, at myself, at christina, at audrey, at literally everything...i love my close friends, hilda, valerie chia, isma, tanya, twin, with all my heart, and all my soul, but they deserve some1 better than me... i wanna change myself to BE that better person... ... ... .. . . . . .i was angry at christina because i felt that how could she treat all of us like this... i mean, she really is like.. pang seh everybody... there was this time, when she told me and valerie chia, that she will go watch a movie with us after orals, then we waited for her, and smsed her, called her, then she just smsed us like..a few hours later, saying that she left her hp in jeslyn's bag, and so sorry so sorry... bla bla bla... i found out on sat that she went out with amira and demello instead... i was SO ANGRY! i mean, if she wants to go out with de mello, she can just SAY SHE WANNA GO RIGHT?! but y didnt she just tell us that she is going! i mean, we will understand what...that she will wanna go with them right?!... example of what i think christina should do, ie, my twin wanna go with her special some1, despite making plans with us, BUT, my twin told us first, and asked us first whether wassit ok? ........christina is so... irresponsible.... i mean, i can forgive her for that, but does she feel sorry? if i were her, i will be so like... dont dare to face us after that incident.....she lied to us lah! always like this, its not the first time... ..haiz... idk what to say...i just was so angry man... then i was pissed at audrey..not really angry.. because she likes material possessions... i mean, its not wrong to like material possessions, but i feel that she is really like..too much with it all...while walking back to her house, she talk about everybody's dressing, judging everything..... true, it matters how do you dress. but, still...there is a limit. also cuz got this time when she was with valerie , me hilda, kangie dey all... den she say " aiya..so boring..clarice not here" ... thats what valerie told me... is like..she dont giv a dam that we are there, all she wants is to be wit clarice... valerie oso feel like that...not just me
im just so angry now... like i canot trust any1..

im REALLY REALLY REALLLYYY ANGRYY AT MYSELF!!!!!!!! cuz i know that i am in NO position to judge, because im worse than them in many ways... ways that i know, and ways that i dont know... i bitch about people. i tell others what i think, what do i feel..like, now also, im bitching about people.. im bitching about audrey, about christina... but, well, christina, im really angry with her.... audrey, idk what to say liaoz...... i wanna be able to see the situation COMPLETELY, before i judge ...i mean, i donno what happened in the past, idk what will happen in the future...haiz..anyway, who am i do say anything... im a failure, a bitch, poseur ... .... i dont dare to face up to the mistakes that i've made...i dont dare to do anything...im so angry at myself for being such a coward...i mean, HOW THE HELL can i bitch about people, if im the same as them... i wish some1 is there that i can tell all i feel about to... im so ashamed of my past... so scared of my future, so hopeless about the present... idk what to do. i need a guide, i canot change others, and the only person i can change is myself. like i read in this quote, committing suicide is like killing the only person you can change... well, i wanna either change, or commit suicide... thing is, i donno how to change... how!!!! like... i feel so helpless, hopeless, unwanted, forgotten, rejected, fearful, ALL THE TIME....... i read a verse today that says: Matthew 7:5 ~Hypocrite! First get rid of the log in your own eye; then you will see well enough to deal with the speck in your friend's eye. problem is, i DONT KNOW how to get rid of that LOG in my eye... i wanna help my friend but idk how to help myself...its just so frustrating.....

this is a message to every1 that knows me , and every1 that i know... im posting it on blogger because i dont dare to post it directly to you....yes, im a coward ...i know, and im not proud of it...
well.. this is the message... :

im sorry.
~for all the times i've said mean, hurting things
~for all the times that i've bitched about you all
~for all the things that i know i did wrong
~and for all the things i dont know that i did wrong

i know that i dont deserve your forgiveness, and im not asking for it.
and i know it probably will not change anything
i just want you to know that im sorry.

hey,
come to think of it,
poetry is so much like maths..
the poet factorizes/summarizes all the things he/she wants to bring across in a single stanza, and in exams we have to expand it out to get the real meaning...just like (a+b)(a+b)... have to expand everything inside -.- d o t s . . .


ok... time to rant :X
... people find me immature. VERY VERY immature. always tell me act my age... well, i delibrately try to be high all the time... well, my personality is the 2 extremes, high, and low. practically nothing in between... when im high, i can laugh at almost literally anything all the time.., when im low, i become a loner... and the mood swings that i always feel... makes me like...well, i can cry in 5 mins, and 10 mins later laugh non stop... well... haiz... i wish theres some1 that i can just rant to everything... instead of typing it out on a blog... haiz... feel so lost...

haiz haiz haiz!!! tmr gotta go ramona house at like..8 am do dnt project... i dont actually mind, but i dont wanna stay in the same place wit ...well, lets just say im starting to CANOT stand alot of people...im scared i just yell out everything at them... im not the only one thats changed... its so unfair... but then, who ever said life is fair. recently, in my mind, i've been debating this topic of whether should i take my own life... well, i cant, because the people that care about me, no matter how few it seems there are, will be sad, and like beeleng said before, it is selfish to commit suicide... but i really see NO point in carrying on sometimes... when i try see a purpose, all i see is another big pack of lies... idk y is it so hard 4 me to trust any1... i wish right now some1 will come to me face to face and giv me a BIG lecture.... feel so hopeless... i wanna relive my childhood, but i cant... because i will be alone if i do... every1 moved on, and im still stuck here... no where to go, no place to run... i thought that going down for the altercall and accepting jesus again will change all these feelings...and it did!... but only for like... what? 2 , 3 days? i tried to pray, i tried to read the bible, i tried to find peace.... why issit like im alwayz alone... no matter what i do im alone... i wanna cry in god's arms, feeling his presence holding me up, holding me close... but i just feel so alone... i dont feel that security... im so sick of living in a big lie....

i feel like a stubborn sheep that strayed, and am too stubborn and too untrusting to let the shepherd find me...

OMG! im so proud of valerie can?! wa... she stood up to ms sim 2dae, and the whole class except a few ppl now look up to her as a hero... wa...im so proud to be her friend manz ... she did what we all wanted just dun dare to do... VALERIE! YOU ARE THE BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!! SO PROUD OF YOUUU!!!!!

after sch 2dae, we went to plaza sing... den go kfc, talk for like... 2 HOURS! hahas... den go home..i forgot to buy my guitar pick -.- so stupid la... cuz i was like looking forward to it for long time... haha..during te 2 hours got alot of gossip... apparently, im not the only one that hates that certain person hahahaha X] .... or..dislikes? idk idk lol RAWR!...

i hate the word "i miss..." lorhz... like so soppy..haha... grrh.... oh well. . . . . . . . . .hmmn..think im gonna die b4 i reach sec 4... haha

hello :)
time for more reflections BUAHAHAHAHAHA!
well... saying this first, if youre reading this and thinking what the hell? i jus wanna say its my blog, and no1 is making you read it, and if you dislike me so much that you will curse every word i write, then please leave.. thanks :)

haha
ok X]
time TO BLOGGG!!!!
X)

you know that its so irritating when pple find you immature? like, ppl see you as something that you are totally not... and pple's views of you , when they are not true, its so irritating manz...haha ... well, im some1 who judges pple on the 1st time i see them, and, when i find out im wrong about something, its like so... like aiyo.... so pai seh... haha... well, people find me immature i guess.. because of my habit of making pple irritated, and going high everyday...haha ... oh well... people might think im simple minded, but if they do then dey are freakin wrong... haha...i think about every small thing, every tiny detail... thats y i sometimes cry without any rhyme or reason... sometimes its cuz i think about how my friends treat me, im touched, sometimes its cuz im thinking about something that i canot change, sometimes its thinking about future...what will every1 do... haha.... oh well -.- idk...haiz... so many people that i just canot stand nowadays manz... haiz... imagine that i used to have NO enemies...things change so much manz...peoples change so much....haiz... ok..idk what to do now anywayz -.- T.T" ... im like..gonna try to get into sec 3 express... if i end up in normal...haiz... cry cry tears -.- . . .

oh well, i feel much better after going altercall....haha..like im back where i belong...well not exactly, not exactly back where i belong..but..er..on the road there.. :)

ok
im gonna complain alot now...sorry for the sick topic... idk whether issit true arnot la but...ya
my meet on internet the friend, his sister is talking to me now and telling me all sorts of personal stuff, like, i thought that she was INNOCENT!...and now i know that she is 11 years old, and has duno how many stead, and she sleeps with her boy friend when THEY DONT EVEN HAVE PUBERTY YET?! AS IN.. IMAGINE HOW SICK ISSIT?! TO 11 YEAR OLDS SLEEPING TOGETHER, THE GUY TOUCHES HER VAGINA?! WHAT THE HELL?! ok, this is the guys' quote "
her down there very nice de wo"
IM LIKE WHAT THE HELL?!?!?!?!?!?!
and now she is telling me that he put his hand in her panty liner ... like what the hell manz.... he wants to see y issit so wet..guy says that if he put his finger up her vagina then the water will stop... like wtf?! now calling her lie down........ and i feel so ....EIIYUHHH SO DISGUSTED!!!!...tell you manz ...if this is true arh, den idk what is happening to the world now manz... prob is fake...but oh manz...SICK SICK SICK OK i dun wanna write anymore!!!!!! YUCKKKKKKK...nw she say the guy say wan ahh ahh wit him...so i talk to the ger say " are you really tat suibian?" she is like " no, but i love him" WHAT THE HELL KINda pERSON WANNA FALL IN LOVE WIT A PERVERT, A 11 YEAR OLD PERVERT THAT WANTS TO HAVE SEX BEFORE EVEN HAVING PUBERTY

hello :) din post for 2 days. a new record X]

anyway, about today and yesterdae...
tuesday:
HILDA SO FUNNY LA CAN?! haha...lol cuz we playing basketball den hilda wan block the ball, den in the end ended up in accidently smashing it into my twin's face! haha!!! so funny la! haha...fell down while laughing...lol... only prob is that it dented her specs... haiz jia lat -.-
haha... went my twin house...eat until UBER FULL!!!! lol..wanna vomit loh THAT full -.-

TODAY! WEDNESDAY!!!!:
well, it was chinese orals... uber jialat... cried, te cher scold me loh...so bad manz O_o''' waliao..scold me cuz she say i am so stubborn that i dun wanna use simple chinese to say, instead using english words trying to convert into chinese...I DIDNT FREAKING UNDERSTAND THE QUESTION LAH!!! GRRRH!!! no where to vent anger -.- grrrh.... somemore i cried leh..imagine how pai seh....waliao idk y i alwiz cry so easliy manz -.- haha... twin came my hse today :) i foloed her to a buddhist temple cuz she wanna pray for her grandparents...me waited outside..was dam scared, cuz im a christian, and somemore i was fasting on that day -.- hahaha....dots... okok, anyway, on the way there(temple) , we passed my st thresas church, which is outside kellock, and saw 2 guys smoking on the church staircase-.- like..wth.... if dey wanna smoke can go somewhere else and smoke can?! -.- i was like...considering shouting at demz can please get the hell out?! -.- haiz....oh well wth... hahahaha.....today...hmmn.....sianz... i gotta like, choing study so i wont go normal -.- so suckyyy T.T" grrh!!! oh well....life is so suckyyy T.T"


haiz...i canot remember what happen on monday -.-hahahaha.....

my reflections! :
im getting very irritated wit acbc~act cool bei cool, nato~no action talk only, ah lian and ah bengs.. ...i mean like, its so dots cuz im one of the natos -.- hhahahaha....but so many of my friends are TURNING INTO AH LIANS!! AAHHHHHHHHH.......getting world taked over -.- ...

helloz :D maths now...dam sianz...this is the cher's mistake of letting us come into com lab for lesson - we can play com :P hahahahaha......at least can blog :) she toking abt some b union c...duno wth she toking abt . . . sianz....wan sleep sia -.- GRRRRH!... ... ...
s i a n s i a n s i a n . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .
oh well...

hello! its monday morning... waked up at 3+ again -.- duno y i alwiz wake up so early now...anyway, studied for 1 hour, talked to mavarick, and...ya...prayed :) ... mav really encouraged me to continue studying... cuz i dun wanna go normal acad, but my results freaking freaking poor ... -.-h a i z z z . . . haha..yea.... anyway, i was just remembering this verse:

ISAIAH 40:29-31he gives power to the weak and strength to the hopeless. Even youths will become weak and tired, and young men will fall in exhaustion,But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not be weary, They will walk and not faint.

beeleng smsed me this verse 1 year ago... it really encouraged me... hope it encourages whoever reads it :) ...

hello... sunday 2dae..i guai, went for service... haha... yesterdae was fun christina
came...-.- malcolm tt group won! haha... ... ... ... ... ...and there was a altercall for
sinnerz and backsliders, den siew and wendy take me go down... ... ... ...
wa...cry manz.............. haha..felt so happy then, then later folo yangxuan dey
all go eat, den wan go home tt time jiaying call me ask wan join fellowship wit
pg gang dey all -.- so i go loh....den sarah , samuel go home liao... so i wit dem,
den dey all playing ice cream -.- hahahahahaha.............................................in
mrt saw eugene...he call me a jock -.- cuz he last time call me a joke ... duno
what the hell he toking sia -.- grrrh ..... *tears* ya...well, felt so awkward
manz! grrrrh....

today, i feel so weird going to service... dotz manz......................................................
.. pastor derrick was preaching...dun noe a word he saying sia -.- haha... te pple
sitting in front of me dam irritating... keep playing playing -.- wtf manz -.- grrrh
...
been thinking... maybe its not so bad if i really do transfer cg ... cuz i seriously
canot talk wit pg dey all -.- ....ya... im a traitor... sorry ........ not saying that i
can talk wit every1 in te another cg, but, i duno... feel lots better... haiz..
I MISS the OLD w387 and N248!!!!!!!!!
without them, life is like, not worth living.................i felt so good after the
altercall yesterdae...now i just feel the same as ever... sian sian, emo, depressed,
wanna get revenge like that.... unsatisfied.... haiz.................yea, im ranting again...

...maybe i should really transfer to N402...

hello..its sat 2.35 pm...wendy is coming my hse anytime and i gotta go wit her to so you think you can sing... i dun wanna go... T___T" hate this manz...feel like crying... T.T" ARHZZZ!!!!

[friday]

i was moody the whole day so sorry to any1 if i pissed you off, i wasnt myself... yea...

felt so hopeless, like no will to carry on... no future no hope... like everything is thrown into a drain... felt so sad...then surprisingly some1 im not really close wit, rozann, asked me how m i? m i ok? is everything ok? like that...i felt so touched and surprised...she gav me a hug :) love her manz... anyway,after sch oso i went wit hilda val and amira go window shopping...this is me and hilda pic:

i was like, seriously alot happier after sch... i hate these moodswings manz...fuckz -.- grrrh! ...anyway, then after go window shopping i folo valerie to boonlay den i go buy chendol and go home again -.- den after tat got chendol addiction and night time oso go out buy chendol and library, since it was open... borrow 3 books : The Gospel Of Judas, Bad Girls, and Spin ... im reading te gospel of judas nw hahaha....sianz...canot get past the 1st 5 pages -.- grrrrh! -.- haizz.........den go ntuc wit my ma and buy lotz of things... i was like, finding logical explainations to counter her saying about having a ability to percive things like that...she says that its a gift from god, and was giving all sorts of analogies, like a bug can see a light in 1000 ways, while human onli see in 1 way. so shes like the bug, and im the human, den i down there saying but humans can kill bugs. another 1 is that iml ike the blind man crossing a traffic light... when its red i canot see, but she can... im seriously confused manz...... grrrrh -.- angry angry ANGRYYY... T__T" so sad our band (me valerie hilda elizgoh isma) still nid a bassist or keyboardist...GRRRRRRH!!!!!!!

hello!!! in sch now
IT lesson
very sian
haha
gonna make a chicken background
"i wish the day will come when chickens can cross the road not have their motives questioned :) " got it frm a webby te words hahahaha -.- dam lame X]
finish le :)
s i a n z z z . . . . . .so bored even can go do the colour . . . . .
wan sleep... so tired, so sleepy, so wanna die .... grrrh!
oh well... sianz........msn oso every1 got sch nw...who 2 tok wit... T.T" grrrrrrrhhhh. . . . . . . . . arh..watever...
o ya..met my twin go sch 2dae :) so fun haha... X]
siaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnn. . . .anyway, she is beside me nw haha............................................
die die die...

LEARN CHINESE IN 5 MINUTES
(You MUST read them out loud or it doesnt make as much sense)...
1) Thats not right........ Sum Ting Wong
2) Are you harboring a fugitive................... Hu Yu Hai Ding
3) See me ASAP............. Kum Hia Nao
4) Stupid Man...................... Dum Fuk
5) Small horse... Tai Ni Po Ni
6) Did you go to the beach?... Wai Yu So Tan
7) I bumped in to a coffee table... Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
8) I think you need a face lift... Chin Tu Fat
9) It's very dark in here... Wao So Dim
10) I thought you were on a diet... Wai Yu Mun Ching
11) This is a tow away zone... No Pah King
12) staying out of sight... Lei Ying Lo
13) He's cleaning his automobile... Wa Shing Ka
14) Your body odor is offensive... Yu Stin Ki Pu
15) Great... Fa Kin Su Pah
For the losers who didnt get it..... ur dumb

haha :P cool horz X]
lol...anyway, now is thurs morning, 5.25 am haha...i woke up at 3.50 2dae! :) but its cuz i nid go pee haha -.- dots....im so hungry now haha.... lol
yesterdae was a ok day la...dnt so sianz...slept, leaned on valerie and hilda lie on me...i felt so loved... but its just a feeling only hahaha -.- then, well, during pc, theres this thing ms sim ask us fill up to help her write our report book comments. the column was , achievements, school, cca, personal life, and challenges sch , cca, personal life, then were the values , 5Cs -.- haha...wa..i cried leh cuz i dunno what to write for achievements... felt so bad that i din achieve anything haa . . . . T.T" so miserable ... well, clarice helped me fill up some of the 5cs haha..cuz i din noe what 2 fill up except for personal life challenges -.- that1 was very very veryyy easy hahaha.... dots...well, then stay back for supervised self study (ITS A OXYMORON!) cuz ms sim like...force like that...dun go will kena scold...dots... ya... did maths, hilda keep borrowing my calculator haa... den angela dey all play murderer haha -.- i down there..laughing silently -.- anyway, im so sad cuz my ipod canot connect to the com, i dun hav a warranty card, and i din register it online...so idk wat 2 do..it only can charge... haiz...anyway, gav it 2 my pa try help me fix haha... :P he came back from mal on sunday and took 1 week leave!!!..... haha..actualy the leave is cuz he go hospital do dunno what thing stick dye in his bloodstream then take xray see how big is his the blood vesses to heart like that.....50% blocked i think...hmmnz -.- . . . . .haha
anyway, i feel like smsing alot ppl now and waking them up haha X] its so freakin boring!

hey hey! okok.. you gotta read this..confirm will not be able to keep a straight face hahahaHAHAHAHA!!! X]

MOUSE BALLS:

I don't know how they wrote this with a straight face.....This apparently was a real memo sent out by a computer company to its employees in all seriousness. It went to all field engineers about a computer peripheral problem. The author of this memo was quite genuine. The word is that the engineers literally rolled on the floor!
(Especially note the last couple of sentences.)

Re: Replacement of Mouse Balls.

If a mouse fails to operate or should it perform erratically, it may need a ball replacement. Mouse balls are now available as FRU (Field Replacement Units). Because of the delicate nature of this procedure, replacement of mouse balls should only be attempted by properly trained personnel. Before proceeding, determine the type of mouse balls by examining the underside of the mouse.

Domestic balls will be larger and harder than foreign balls. Ball
removal procedures differ depending upon the manufacturer of the
mouse. Foreign balls can be replaced using the pop off method.
Domestic balls are replaced by using the twist off method. Mouse balls
are not usually static sensitive. However, excessive handling can
result in sudden discharge. Upon completion of ball replacement, the mouse may be used immediately. It is recommended that each person have a pair of spare balls for maintaining optimum customer satisfaction. Any customer missing his balls should contact the local personnel in charge of removing and replacing these necessary items. Please keep in mind that a customer without properly working balls is an unhappy customer.

tuesday! :) haha...2dae is a good day! except for letting a few things slip out of my mouth.. =.= said some things i should not have...but who cares!! X] haha... got no geog so we had a free period...for GOSSIP!!! now the band thing we dont have either a bassist or keyboardist... WHO WANNA BE EITHER PLZ TELL ME!!!! haha... :) ms sim made me stand for like..1 hour cuz i din do finish my hw hahaha...so sianz.... grrrh! ...dots...anyway, eh... chinese was boring, science was worse...but surprisingly the maths remidial was fun :) den we help elango aka chocoball clean the class...so good right!!! :) rozann is the dustpan haha me and val are broomz..and tanya is..hand..hahhahaha...-.- lol.. den we go canteen..talk talk...eat lunch... den i learn new mixture, haha..lemonade and pink champagne taste like sprite! haha...hilda dun dare try it..every1 else say nice hahaha all thanks to? ME!! X] haha...dotz.....wa..sianz...idk wat 2 do now... oh haha..yea...2dae during the free period, me hilda valerie made up the perverted version of 1-10
haha...
this is the original (created by frenz & me :) sorry canot say the names cuz i canot remember..i onli can remember that got 1 day during svc i was thinking that 7 is loser...so i tink think 1-10 hahaha)
1 finger. quiet
2 finger. act cute
3 finger. diao
4 finger. salute
5 finger. hi5
6 finger. ring ring ring
7 finger. loser
8 finger. bang
9 finger. rawrr
10 finger... SLAP YOU!!! :D haha
this is the perverted version
1 finger. fuck you
2 finver. vagina
3 finger. penis
4 finger. bitch slap!
5 finger. (got some sign means fuck you oso but i dunno what its called)
6 finger. phone sex
7 finger. finger sex
8 finger. harder harder!!! haha
hahaa -.-

so sick manz...haha..anyway ya..this is what we do when we are bored hahaha X]

helloz :) ...monday, the 1st day of sch...sianz manz -.-
anyway, gor gor yest tell me abt this programme that we learn for free how 2 play music as a band, minimum nid 1 drummer, vocalist, guitarist, bassist and keyboardist :) hahas..i found all the above in 1 day :) heez(: so happy X] haha...
this is whos who
hilda: drummer
twin: vocals
valerie: vocals
isma: keyboard
fatin: bassist
me! : guitarist!! XD
hahaha
im so happy X] but gotta hurry submit the forms...otherwise other pple take the places b4 us wah i will cry manz.... haha this is te webby :http://zerotohero.verticalcare.org.sg/
:) dam cool...hahaha....
i canot wait... X] but i just hope that if realli we get in, that we will be able to get along...cuz at the end got performance on stage... i dun wanna lose manz! :) like..dots..haha
anyway, after sch we(aka valerie hilda amira isma tanya me) went tiong go find ppl the bdae prezzie :) so..yeaz X] den i folo dem go boon lay..again -.- stoopid... hahas..talk alot... inside tiong we slace 4 awhile..missed 2 trains..so short haha...was playing this or that...alot stupid, sick tinks lohz!! haha so funni :) last time we played got realli alot sick things haha...condom or gstring haha oso got alot lame thing -.- circle or dot... black or blue... burger or king... -.- nonsense lahz.. T.T" ...den valerie like..was dancing while sitting down..look veri funni..haha...should hav taked video hahaha X] heez.... den..reach home at 4...surprisingly..it only take 15+ mins from boonlay 2 my hse haha i so happy hahahaha... den sleep...had a dream that it was raining den i was with valerie, wearing exactly the same thing and carry the bag in the same way as when i walk home...den it started raining..we were running on the road...den got this thing spit at us black colour dirty water...den we were..like running, laughing..so happy..
then suddenly i cannot find her...so i run into the nearest building searching for her..then there was this sprial escalator and her hp was on it...i was running after it, cuz suddenly i got a sms from her but was thinking..how is that possible if her hp is there? and she no where to be seen like tat...den got this guy ask me are you from city harvest? den i just say ya w387, eliz..den run run down... den i was SO RUDELY AWAKENED!!!..so dunno what happen next grrh T.T" so angry T.T"

HEY! check these out! i did it 2dae using the usual microsoft word and paint :)

hello :) HAPPY BIRTHDAY TANYA AND HAPPY BELATED BDAE SAMUEL!!!! X] hahas

sunday 2dae! heez.. the sermon 2dae was good. a preacher wit no limbs preach abt depression, rejection like that..he very funny haha... got in his video, he was jumping after his wheelchair, then it reverse and the wheel chair jump after him :P ...like cartoon like that lol.. heez :) i watched it online, cuz i waked up at 9 and..like no mood go cuz i will be late, and i dun like being late despite me always being late -.- haa... oso i just dun wana go :P ...dotz... feel so bad..i was supposed 2 wake up call beeleng at 8 . . . shit manz..feel so BAD!!! sorry arh beeleng... anyway, yesterdae aftn me go play guitar 2 hours X] haha..nw my finger uber pain..type oso pain... dotz... i wish i can play bar chords... haiz..

lol anyway, huishan is at my hse now..cuz she wanna play com... . . everytime pple come my hse is onli play com... i feel so sad ... T.T" haa haha -.- haiz... sian ... got 3 test papers as homework... i lazy do... haiz... waa ... alwin yesterdae say that my true friend test so easy...waliao!!he got 100% lah!!!! what the hell?!?!?! ... den for his true friend test i onli got 50% ... haiz.. oh well -.- he know me i dunno him loh....but oso i set easy questions so..yea :) !! den i stayed up till 1+ making a uber hard test that only me knows..question .. i.e. what is my 1st hp no? which is impossible dey know... den i do finish...den i realise..whats the point if only i know how 2 do...den i stay up even later making another 1...oso i was talking 2 bee till 2...she telling me some things..its no point lying to yourself like that... haiz -.- . . . . . T___T'''

so sianz...wanna sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeepppzzzzzzzzzz........im sorting out my music in ipod now... cuz i got 800+ so its hard 2 sort... after so long still havent finish... -.-

yoz...pa went mal again...duno y oso... he just said bye and left...den ma say he going mal... duno how long...hope its forever hope he never come back -.- ... heez........ i wish manz...too bad life not so good... haiz... im so sad . .

2dae is combine cg...hope dey all hav a good time...me dun wan go -.- ... haiz...i miss valerie and hilda and isma and tanya...dey are the like...BEST friends i ever had...even if dey dun consider me to be deir best friend, dey will alwiz be mine.......haiz...i miss you all so much...what is gonna happen next year... when we all go different class.......fuck this sia i wanna die... -.- ...feel so lonely T.T" ....

haha..im becoming a metal fan X[ haha.........rockrockrock :P actualli no la...i dun like when dey like..growl -.- ok..im a ALTERNROCK FAN. X] haha.. i like loud drums, loud elec guitars...something like three days grace or nickelback or linkin park :) ... ...most of the time i seriously HATE slow songs... unless got beat or the words make sense... not all those crap ...
seriously i agree wit neyo: [[IM SO SICK OF LOVE SONGS...SO SAD AND SLOW]]
hhahhaha...dots man -.-
haiz...... im so bored....................i seriously wanna learn electric guitar....haha....dam cool...prob is the $$$ and the time -.- haiz.......can i just give up on life? plz plz plzzz....haizz.......some1 please end it...

...

YOZ~!
i gotta go mrt fetch yangxuan in 25 mins ....dam sian now so just gonna BLOGGGGG.....

when i think about it, it seems that my frenz that are not in church treat mie way better and are WAYYYY more close to me than any friend i have in church...even though i only know them for..like..8..9 months? and some ppl in church i know for 2 years... haha...dots.......seriously feel like backsliding ... dots...

haha..anyway, im so bored! ...yesterday, was like taking blogthings test non stop...i got really happy because 1 of the test says "Your Personality Is Very Rare (INFP)" anyway, the test results is the the "eXtras" if u wanna read it...which..hhahaha i doubt u will wanna -.- lol........ T.T" ..haha...got another test i took says my emoticon face is : " (@_@) " ...i dun freaking understand y!!!

read alot of crap...things that made me laugh..can u believe that 2dae i waked up at 5.50?! well...because my twin asked me to go to the mrt at 6.50 to pass her something...so i set my hp alarm clock...and by some miracle i actually heard it?! den later at 6+ she called and said nevermind liao..dun nid go...wow...i wasted my precious sleeping time for NOTHING!......... haha....had a bad dream 2dae... dreamt that well....that i was like.. manifesting wit demons or something...then i was with my teacher in some place like bugis street... then she tell me that she also experience before...then i canot remember liao..haha...the most ironic thing is the cher is ms sim, who i dun think will ever treat me like that.... -.-

awh manz.....feel so hopeless....cant wait for sunday to come!!!!!!! haha....cuz sunday im going swimming with hilda and valerie :) then after that we are gonna go SHOP FOR TANIA'S PREZZIE!!!! :D im so happy :) ...prob is im broke -.- hahahahaha....like..dots lahz......and...the swimming....im gonna have to think of a way to get out of it... haha...i dun like to swim...i just wanna go out wit dem hahhahha XD




HELLO!. same day, just alot later..im lazy to post this in another post, so here it is :)
yangxuan come my hse 2dae -.- uber sianz...anyway wendy dyed her hair blong my "mistake" cuz she says that she thought that her hair cannot absorb darker so she choose a light colour, and it turned out as blond.... i dunno whether to laugh or cry........ T.T" ...oso, the swimming tt tink is cancelled...thanks so parental objections from both of deir mums -.- ..dots..... is freedom so hard -.- . . . . . anyway, i was shocked 2dae cuz alwin called my hp to tell me that cg is at 2, meeting at 1.30, dun be late.............so surprised haha....but still dun feel like going..
NEHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!! :P *im such a stubborn procrastinator* NEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
....lao da oso talk 2 me 2dae....said that shes concerned about me, and say that im making my life more complicated like that... she like me better, simpler... last time she say i more innocent, praise god wholeheartedly...........................feel so bad 2 waste her time because she stayed back in the office 2 talk 2 mie for like...15 mins... -.-

innocence isnt a virtue...pastor preached that...

hello.
im eliz.
if youre reading this and thinking that what the hell is this shit, den please press the red box wit the [x] on the top right hand corner of the screen.
because this is gonna be a long post...
yea.

anyway...im just ranting now... because i alwiz feel that everytime i wanna ask for help, or ask some1 to just listen to me ranting, i alwiz feel that the door is alwiz closed, that i will just waste pple's time... so im gonna post it on my blog.

yea...


im feeling uber depressed nw, so maybe that will explain why my 2dae post is like this...

was thinking about what the heck m i gonna do, during parent-teacher meeting i remember that cher told my ma that i maybe have to go normal acad... yea... then im gonna have to start all over, cuz all of my frens are in express... realli feel very hopeless... overheard some1 in sch saying like what is my problem, y issit i alwiz cry like that... ... haiz... i wish life has a guide book... and, well i dont wanna try so hard, and in the end fail...feel like a real fucking failure... haiz... once stupid alwayz stupid? help... i dont know what to do...dont see any point in y do pple want to continue living for... why bother doing everything when in the end you just die and go to hell... why did i have to be born...why couldnt i have been some1 else... im just staring into space, wondering how will my life turn out, wondering will i die tomorrow, hoping and praying and kowtowing that i will please die tomorrow............what the fuck is this damn shit.....

how to put all that im feeling now into words?

dis is like..the dam coolest thing i read all day XD :

"The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington engineering mid-term. The answer was so "profound" that the Professor shared it with colleagues, and the sharing obviously hasn't ceased...

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or Endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote Proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law, (gas cools off when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:

"First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let us look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added. This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa Banyan during my Freshman year, "...that it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you.", and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then, #2 cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze."

This student received the only A. "

...
...
...
HAHA!
chim -.-

hello! :D just woke up after a 15 hour nap :P heez...prob is i stil feel that its sunday and now getting a headache...bb :) ...
i miss val and hilda! ...miss deir crap! CRAP WITH MIE!!!!!!!!! omg -.-

5.40 pm.
amah came hse... giv mie some chocolate and pocky and a lantern cuz lantern festival...talk wif mie ...i veri happy..den go downstair wit ma go eat, amah go home le...den go buy guitar pick...ma nag nag nag abt studies...i duno wat 2 do arh...so irritating...she keep nagging make mie wanna slack more, not helping mie improve ....waste time... waste her breath, waste my time hearing........ anyway...ya i now veri angry hahaha........... -.- cry finish le.eh..literally -.- .....duno what to do liao.............I WANNA DIE! ... ... ... frustrated........duno la..i love my ma :'( ...
aiyaz....nothing to say liao

i see is like, all the pple who scheme and use crooked methods all make it in the end, and all the pple who use the right methods almost all fail...WHAT IS THIS MAN! I WANT MY REVENGE. I WAN MY REVENGE! I WANNA KILL YOU FUCKING BITCH! CURSE YOU DIE A PAINFUL DEATH! CURSE YOU GET TERMINAL DIESEASE!!!!ARH!!!!! CURSE YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!actually, who wanna fuck you right...even ur lover is forcefully still with you man....go and die fucker...

lol...just cook finish sumtink :) ..learned sumtink 2dae...mushrooms can float! ...hahas..den u squeez dem tat time, got alot air bubble come out de....veri scary -.-
haha.....came back from church -.- haha...dunno y every week that i go i get blessed wit chocolate -.- last time is jiaying giv mie crunchie X) dam nice hahaha...diis time is robin giv mie te ...er....wait i go see the wrapper .......... .... ........... hershey's kissables ! :D i so happy! ...next week gonna think think what chocolate i wan...den hopefully sum1 bless mie too! :D HAHA!!!...eh..dots -.-

saturday...i waked up at like....3.4. am like tt cuz veri cold..den went to off the fan...dam toopid cuz i canot see anytink ..dark mah..den walk right into the fan head hit the metal thing...veri pain -.- ...dots...anyway, went doc cuz of the infection on lip ...thanks to a certain some1 for POKING A PEN INTO MY MOUTH...den got the blue line there dam funni hahahahaha....so nonsense :D ...heez.z. nonsensical -.-