seriously, idk what the heck is going on every single day..
its like
my body here, my soul not here..
even now,
i cant recall
i cant recall what i felt
all i feel is hurts
and hurts again
its not a nice feeling.
left out,
rejected
yes.
......

oh well. should learn to get used to that, huh.
no matter where i go i wld feel rejected, wld feel left out. haha. hilda was reminding me of my past yesterday. not seriously lah, because i was crapping wit her. think we both scared off the 2 guitarists. oh well. if im gonna end up rejected, so shall it be. i cant change what i cannot change, i doubt i can change what i can either. i feel hurt, i feel.. haiz....

who cares what i feel..
i cannot let these feelings get the better of me.. i have to overcome them, but how do i overcome problems to which origin i dont know..

i was thinking.. hilda was saying dat i last time like was blur, dong dong, dam quiet, anything oso answer HUH? .... and now.. how did i change until like this in a matter of 2 years? i became from quiet to nonsensical, to crappy, to.. who knows what...

and yea, itsc onfusing like hell because idk, and no matter how hard i try to find dat answer, i simply cannot. where can i go for dat answer. search my past? no right.. i mean.. haiz.. what can i say..... everything i say is simply a repetion.. a repititon of not knowing?

heck.


a year from now, 2, 5, 10.. where will i be..
where will i end up... where will i go..
i mean, i don wanna look back and say, oh. if only i did this, if only i did that...and yet.. what can i change....... i dont have the means to? well. thats a lie huh. how many more times can i say i dont know.. when will i know a definite answer.. when will i be able to find that timeline.

zzz
..../
"feels like today...
feels like today..
its the one thing im missing"

..
like a puzzle without dat piece
it will never be complete, never be whole..
no matter hw, no matter why..
hahaha

i feel so out lah. what to do.. its like hell.
what to do...

how. i feel rejected all over again.. i feel like shit all over again.. and how do i stop feelings like this.. its like hwll... how... how how how jiuming..


haiyz. i don wanna blog liao.