.... how how how..
jiuming..
before cg.. i felt like shit.. and now that its after cg.. i Still feel like shit..
cant seem to do anything without failing at it... and how come is it i always seem to be in a bad mood, always seem to be seeking for something, whats worse, i donno what that something is..

does it matter.. honestly... i Know i dont matter.. because whatever i do i will fail. confirm, huh. relying on promises are so hard. because dey will rarely come to pass, and i'd feel like shit afterwards...

how to stop dwelling in the negative and start dwelling in the positive?
how to stop judging
how to stop thinking everything is a competition...

haiz... jiuming jiuming jiuming..
haiz. whatever i say or do... it dosent matter in the end..
i can dwell in this for years and years to come, and wit each passing year the hurts just keep on increasing, but how is that gonna help me at all..

everytime im the verge of breaking through of this, seems like something keeps on holding me back.. and im still stuck.. its been years, and im still the same. what to do.. if i feel like this, what can i do to change..

im falling in to that abyss i was in previously.. and again, i cannot find a way out