im so sorry..
didnt mean to say the things i said...
i really was not myself..
hope you forgive me..
i really mean it, Im Sorry..

well.. its ok if you don wanna forgive me.. just know that im sorry, and know that i regret it can liao...

i really donno what happen to me today..i feel so emo... i feel so worthless...
haiz..
im SO SORRY!!!!!!! ....

haiz.
i feel useless..... T___T'''

well....
idk lah...
cried alot on the bus home.. lucky it came pretty fast..
even more lucky it was empty...
if it was full, den would have had alot of ppl staring at me...

imagine, a ger, wit long hair, covering face, hearing headphones, blasting out loud, and sniffing, and tears flowing down... ppl donno think i on drugs.. all the cocaine.. heroin.. what else? O.O ...

hahas..
thanks, robin.. you made me feel alot better..you made my day. idk whats wrong with me lately lah, i have really almost no control over my emotions liao.. one minuite can happy happy, the other minute in tears... siao lah.. idk why the mood swings are getting stronger like tat... but thanks, robin. i really appreciate what you did.. :') if it wasnt for you.. i think i'd have started taking a penknife and slashing myself again..*was really tempted to. lucky didnt have a penknife near me at the time...* .. haha.. nah! engrave your name on the blog liao, "ROBIN"!!!! haha! happy? O.O''' -.- dots..

haiz.. i hope these mood swings will go away... i feel really insecure..
k i'll list down everything im feeling..
-insecure
-unwanted
-unloved
-forgotten
-ignored
-useless
-hated?
-extra
-unimportant

..
yeah.
it sucks.
and..
...
well...
i dont want the devil to come and lie to me about these anymore..
its untrue..
i know that much..
it has to be...oh God, please let it be untrue..
i dont want to really be unwanted...
i love them alot..
i dont want them to hate me..
haiz..
God oh God...
who am i in your sight?

am i really your child? but... if youre like our father.. then, every single person on this planet.. must be your child.. and.. they all want your undivided attention... father.. how can i compete with that? i want you too... i dont want to be forgotten.. i love you, my dada God... you know i love you.. you know the deepest desires of my heart.. you know my every thought.. you know when my last breath will be.......

God..
well..
thanks.
Amen..

oh man....
i really
am
very
sorry....
.....


haiz...
idk whats up with the MoOd SwInGs!!!
really, i was like.. crying, then after that, i went with shanika, sit on the bball court, watch dey all shoot hoops, den i was listening to metal/hardcore/alternative.. and i felt really peaceful... i was lying on my back, watching the clouds pass by.. with a smile on my face, with a silly happiness... and.. then i went with shanika to sit on the bench.. den... after what some1 said.. i felt tears welling up again....and.. i started thinking.. and...the tears flowed more and more... and... before i knew it... i was... crying again.. only, much worse than before... its been a long time since i cried and moaned. as in.. that high pitch sound when you cry... i felt like shouting.. i felt angry. wanted to punch somebody, i wanted to kill somebody, anybody, as long as i felt my fist hit the person's flesh, and i heard that scream.. i would feel satisfied... i dont know why i felt like that. its so horrible. ... i cant imagine it now... oh man... i hate myself ....

dam shit moodswings.... why issit like this!

fuck lah.
walao.
kao bei.
haiz.

...
oh shit.
used vulgarities again.
dammit.
arhhh...
this is so frustrating......
im so...
haiz..

im becoming a person i dont even like..

JIUMING!!!!!!


oh.. somebody...anybody.... please come and.. save me from.. the person ive become...