haiya
everything hurts lah.

i just.. i dont know....well. whatever..
i know im not important,
nothing any1 says or does will ever make me feel impt..
its just a mentality..
its just a mindset..
putting myself down..

for?
no idea.
always been like that
.......................

i just wanna know im...
haiz..
it dosent matter..


if i cant rant here, where can i rant. expectations are always destroyed, hopes are always crushed, nobody gives a shit?! whats the point of this ... im the one thats gonna suffer from this, arent i? never felt more alone.. well. i know how alone i am now i guess. things arent different
..

they arent different... i just never realised this till now.. well.. who am i to judge. everytime i wanna cry, i cry alone.. everything i do, im always alone.. if not physically, then emotionally.. because i dont let people in? perhaps. i dont dare to. i dont want to. i wanna end my life.. but i cant.. i cant do anything i wanna do.. how often have i said that..

it never matters.. it will NEVER matter. its not worth it anyway. i cry to myself... look down on me all you want.. i've had enough of it.. given up caring.. what issit i have to give to feel a sense of acceptance? ... i give up.. its.. haiz.. i give up..

feel like shouting, "ELIZ. WAKE UP. WAKE UP AND SEE THE THORNS IN YOUR LIFE." pick them up, throw them away. dont care about them!? .... thats all they are.. thorns.. there goes my future, there goes my past.. there goes the past sowed into the future, which will never come to pass.. because i disallow it.. i dont want anything to do with this..

if i asked to be left alone, does it change anything? im ALWAYS ALONE.. .. .. . . . ..

as usual, this makes no sense.

am i ok..
what if i said no..