haiya. today is so not a god day...
head dam pain, for one thing..
woke up at 6+
been online till now..

thought would have to go amah house
in the end.. not that early
what the heck did i wake up for sia
feel like puking... =.=


haiz..... i dont know why everytime now, i always feel like.. i dont know lah.. like wan die oso cannot die na ge gan jue..

i really really dont wanna see deir faces... go there...i mean, i know in their eyes, im nothing... im not even purely chinese, am i like a mongrel to them? someone who belongs neither here nor there... some1 who isnt important .. some1 who just... well.. i dont know.. i hate my family. im not impt on my mother's side, neither am i on my fathers side.. i miss my grandfather, but hes dead... i miss my ma, but she has more impt things to worry about. i miss the past, but the past was all a lie.

seems like everything was a lie.. everything was done for a motive.. theres no such thing as unconditional in their vocabulary. i mean.. come on. issit fair that because im never gonna carry the family name, even if i was a boy, i'd not be loved as much as that some1 who can? theres only 1 person who can... and i cant curse him.. no matter how much i want to.... haiz.. why issit so hard to stay mature in my thinking.. why issit so hard to say no to everything i wanna do.. why do i have to accept things that happen to me, and not get back... if i get back i'll just get another scolding, wont i. im the oldest after all. im the least impt after all... whack their face lah.

now have to go there. oh, how much i wanna scream NO!! I DON wANNA SEE YOUUU I HATE YOU< I WANNA SEE YOU BURN IN THE DEPTHS OF HELL.... and i cant curse them... im not supposed to curse them.. love your enemies.. issit always this hard? im so not looking forward to seeing their ugly faces..

looking at shit is better then looking at them, man.. its so unfair. the wicked get everything. haha. as if im v. good like that. but seems like im getting battered up emotionally because of it, while nth happens to them.. they just live happy, carefree lives. maybe because i cant let go. they have nth to let go of. they have the advantage.. im just another outkast..

I HATE THEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
haiya.. sigh..
what can i do?