its too late to apologize..
not that you did anyway...

what may it seem to be on the surface..
typical?
was telling valerie bout it.. she said its worse then chnl 8 drama serial'
haha. that brought a few laughs..

anyway.. i dont have to see them for .. say 3 months, so im gonna rejoice. know what? it wasnt worth it... going to see them yest.. yeah.

im afraid, know? im scared of my future.. because... well.. i dont know.. i dont know why am i even alive. i asked my ma.. she gave me a really deep answer that im not sure whether i can believe.. i mean.. she keeps saying to herself , and i overhear, why issit wicked people have 4 kids and can manage, why is my kid so difficult...

i asked her bout that.. she said i'd always been difficult.. from my birth till now.. well.. what was i born for.. i mean.. if all i can do is bring people pain, then why am i alive? .... i dont deserve my life.. i mean.. my ma taught me so much.. but.. i cant seem to repay her.. well, not now at least...

i cant even take care of my life, how to take care of others...

... and if i dwell in these thoughts.. i'll just start emoing again... im gonna get out while i still can... i meant what i said, how many months ago.. i dont ever wanna be away from God ever again... because if i am, i'll lean on myself.. i'll do what i think is right... and my judgement is almost always wrong.. thing is, i cant cope on my own.. tried, failed. failed miserably...

maybe thats why i cant stand people mocking my religion... its like mocking me.. its like.. no, it IS mocking my God.. and.. i cant forget that..

then again.. i feel so away from God..
not for long i hope :)