haiz
so many things happened dat pissed me off...
i mean. .come on.. because i almost got retained, i guess mdm mas, went and told the chers to report to her my academic progress.. den.. wah. i get caught for small things lah. just because i forgot ot bring a damn worksheet, i had to sit in front of the class for the whole lesson.. almost had to blink back tears. shame lah. i felt like shouting at dat dam cher's face.
...
and yet, what right do i have. im just another student. whats worse, i have dat reputation. haiz. what the hell lah. :)
i love my sch man. so many bastards.
.....
so pissed lah...
haiz.
but, anyway, the thing dat was kinda good today, is that whatever friendship problems dat have been going on are resolved partly. :) thank God. i was so worried abt dat. ... haiz.. haha

yeah.. suppose really need to rely on the strength of the Lord.. im not strong enough to cope with this, the pressure, the.. well.. the expectations.

well.. haiz. ultimately.. yeah. its my choice whether i wanna backslide in my heart or stay close to God.. right? i mean. what issit that captivate ppl to jesus christ? why issit dat christianity is so strong, whilst other religions dont have much evangelism.. why? then again, christianity isnt a religion, like pastor said, its a relationship.. and my relationship is dying.... i need my saviour back in my heart.=.= haiz.. oh Lord.. im gonna.. try to do whatever i can.. oh Lord..

what more can i say..
i've been feeling so worthless.. the usual problem, yea, my weakness is self worth.. so.. yeah.. low self esteem.. dat kinda things.. been thinking, maybe i dont need God. but CANNOT<>!>! i dont wanna be lyk last time so jialat.

small things cry cry lyk siao ar..
walao.
oh ya. today madam mas talked to me for 5 mins, and i teared leh. ... felt so walao.

i feel that ive been walking in the shadows for so long, that ive lost sight of what i was walking towards.. the light at the end of the tunnel is diminishing.. its faint, and im starting to lose direction.. but why should i just let my self go astray.. there are two paths visible.. and no1 can choose for me which 1 i should take.. they can encourage, they can urge.. but.. which one... haiz..

lately.. i feel no purpose left in life.. it sucks.
i feel, that what am i here for..
i know what i aspire to do, but..
hw can i do it..
hw many will look and mock.
yeah.

and after it all, what will be the end?
will i get mocked more than usual?
the jeers make up most of the audience.
...
and..
what pastor preached..
focus...
put your heart, your mind into it.. and you will suceed..
but hw do i do that..
i cant even cope with the basic minimun..


haiyah.
im just crapping again.
thinking too much.
arh who cares.
...