osuwariii!!!

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

i feel so useless...
cant do this,
cant do that
...
shit lah.
what am i supposed to do
i do something, kena lecture..
do something else?
...

im so confused..
feel like i cant count on anyone now.
apparently i cant.
im so tired of putting on that front.
like i said.
im repeating my words, man.
monotonous
im becoming boring.
what the fuck.


oh What The Fuckkk.....
i hate this lah
i feel so limited.
no1 sees anyway,
no1 will care anyway.
ive gone back to using vulgar words
other ppl move forward
i move backward.

i mean, come on. you know i dont wanna stay like this.. but you dont care, apparently. i feel like leaning on some1's shoulder, to cry on. yes, but who will offer up to me that shoulder, that listening ear. it will take forever, because, yes, i dont trust ppl easily. who am i. a speck of dust. apparently. who knows, who cares. when i see others, i can see a strong point in them that differentiates them from the rest. me lei? i just blend in. too ordinary, despite my blood. despite my race. which im not sure what issit either. too rojak liao. oh well. what the hell. X]

i want.. what do i want.. what i want no1 can give me. because no1 has given me. and im used to that. but at the same time.. it doesnt feel good.

things are starting to get too complicated for me to understand.
i hate this.
i hate being weak.
i hate this i hate this i hate this.
did you plan it all along?
i thought i could trust you.
wow.
i feel like a fool.
no, i am a fool
...
why do i bother man, why do i bother.
what am i doing here? getting ppl's attention?
oh yeah.
a failure attempt.
fuck lah.
after everything i get hell treatment.
oh yeah.
hallelyuah
praise be to God.
because im living a life others dream of
im living in a fairy tale fantasy dream land.
lalala
with all the butterfiles, and all the happy happy little animals flying here and smiling.
and in the midst of all the foolish happiness, in my fairytale fantasy dream land, im the frog stuck in the well, with no1 there to help me out. why?? no small little hapy happy animal or butterfly or what shit, no1 wants to get down and dirty, and help a dirty little frog out. dey just leave me here to die.

typical.
life is so wonderful.


i do a small thing
things worsen
i do a big thing
things worsen more.

maybe i should do the biggest, most impt thing of my life.
maybe i should take what isnt mine to start with
maybe i Should, after seeing all these circumstances,
really start thinking about it.
yes, there is a God.
yes, i believe in him.
but i dont know if he is for me
or against me
because i feel really against him.

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