know what?
maybe i was wrong to care.
maybe i will just be a self centered bitch.


I DONT UNDERSTAND.
i want to help, but..
haiz.....arent i more of a hinderence...

dammit lar..
feel lyk ranting...
k
long post today.

*dammit, tearing* ..
haiz...
i apparently AM just a useless ger... i cant help la? i try... i genuinely want to help... but... haiz... fine lah.. ... haiz... i keep on replaying these thoughts in my head, where were dey, when i needed some1.... i was alone. don get me wrg, i LIKE being alone. but.... during that backsliding period, well.... haiz.. just..maybe its more truthful nw... maybe im really that much unwanted. maybe im really just a burden. i just want to know, for sure, that im wanted. but... haiz.. even now, it still torments me... im scared of ppl.. im scared to open up.. who will care. if i want to care about others, i just end up saying the wrg thing all over, and.... well.. haiz.... i just dont know anymore.... i feel so scared nw... feel so alone.... i wish theres some1 i can talk to... just to confirm the lies in my heart are just LIES. i dont ever want to backslide again..... seems like no1 cares anyway, whatever i do... whether i stay or go, who cares. im just a burden, right? im so tired... yea, maybe im just too haiz.. too emotional... fuck this world. fuck this life. fuck everything. maybe im just not supposed to be. be what i can be. i feel so forgotten... but haiz... i cant do anything right, isnt that so? im just a bitch.... whatever i do is wrong... well... ? ok. im a fucker. haizz.......so confused........... i wish theres some1 i can talk to right nw... but who will ever listen. all i ever say isnt it just crap. i cant even phrase my sentences properly. i cant even bring across the point i want to bring across. oh well... yes. im a fucker. i know. im a FUCKER. theres power in confession.

IM A DAM FUCKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

~im the mistake. the mistake creation, the experiment gone wrong. all mistakes can do are just make more mistakes. so im sorry.
God. are you real?

am i real?
is this real?
why, God... why...