haiz

yea
i think
i will
RANT.

i guess.. im kinda a weird person...

well, for one thing, im really inward... i think alot.. more than im supposed to sometimes haha... well... i still dont know what is my purpose, what am i here for.... maybe thats why i feel so useless all the time... hhaha... come to think of it, half the time i can just counsel myself by blogging... hahas... well.. haiz, cazella keeps on laughing at me that i tok to myself, hahas.. I DONT LAR! haha.. i think to myself... thats y maybe it seems that i stone alot.. hmmm.. or sometimes im really stoning haha.. sometimes its just sleeping wit eyes open haha... anyway, i feel really alone lar... as usual.. but, jiaying called me jus nw.. to chat.. haha.. i felt loved :) .. so.. happy lar.. hahas...

these thoughts keep coming into my mind.. what if there IS NO god... i mean, i love God, not yet with all my heart, one day soon it will, but.. what if we hav all been walking the narrow way for nothing? haiz.. i hate these doubts... but i wish some1 just... could come up to me, and CONVINCE me once and for all that there is a GOD. haha... is his presence that funny feeling that runs on your skin?hahas... well.. i still dont really know lar haha.. anyway, if it is, well.. hahas.. i felt his presence today on the bus home... was sitting behind loretta, faking sleep hahas.. well.. didnt feel like talking.. haha.. anyway, was hearing this song, i think its Writing on the walls,by Underoath, which is some christian band, that plays, like..er...Hard Rock christian songs.. haha! lolz... kinda weird right? i hear HARD ROCK and i feel presence... hahas... oh man....i oso not say v. sure what the lyrics are... hahas... k k.. its so weird lol! hahas... k lar k lar...

oh yea.. that reminds me..

i actually like being weird..
hahas.. because, when youre weird, its actually being YOURSELF, not influenced by the ppl around you. youre not afraid to do things you want to do... hahas...of course only to a certain extent larh.. haha.. anyway, i like to think that im weird... cuz, well i am! haha.. my whole life, ppl hav been calling me weird... i kinda like it actually.. haha.. used to get really hurt by that.. but now i see it as ok lar.. i mean, why follow the crowd? if the crowd is all jumping off a cliff, will you blindly follow? no! come on. hhahas... i am MYSELF. im proud to be MYSELF. i will not be INFLUENCED BY THE WORLD. IN THE WORLD, BUT NOT OF THE WORLD. haha..

i cry when i hear like... er... rock. HARD ROCK. haha... or.. er.. alternRock.. tats y i like elec guitars haha... cuz, well.. actually, i love elec guitar and drums, which is really common lar. i know.. but.. thing is, drums are really... hard to play, because your rhythm has to really be GOOD. haha.. well.. actually isnt everything the basic 4/4 beats? or 3, or..2.. haha.. i hate 3 beat songs so hard to count, lol...1..2..3...1...2..3.. hhaha.. 4 is so much easier .. 1.2.3.4.1.2.3.4.1.2.3.4.1.2.3.4 hhaha... LOL! k.. dots... im emotional.. hahas.. i guess.. .i cry alot ... haha.. i guess lar.. k i used to cry alot..

been realising something laely, i search into my past when im feeling alone.. which is like.. all the time.. so im actually trying to remember the things that happened when i was...5-9.. which is like, blank.. blank space haha... oh well..T__T''' im 14! still young... not a child anymore.. cannot start behaving like a child..

I AM WHO I AM! haha... this is sucj a crap post.. im so bored lar!

was supposed to do SOME1's BDAE CARD!!! and, well...took forever just to do a cover page, which looks like shit nw... so im redoing it.. but.. haiya.. tired liao lol! k lar.. finish tmr hahahaha :P im so lazy -.-