yes, i feel torn. i feel like a part of me is.. well. i've done something i hate doing, let someone down..i take the blame, its my fault, not his..

i guess.. well, i've never felt loved like that..always thought i was a burden to people 1 .. and.. he was there for me.. i suppose i felt that that was love.. i dont know what is love.. i just wanna do the right thing.. i guess when im more mature, i'll know.. robin, im truly sorry. i'd i honestly dont know how the whole situation started.. its just.. well.. happy times.. and... well, you were the 1st person to care for me until like dat. i really had the time of my life, spending it wit you.. you made me feel like all the hurts didnt matter.. i could just forget every bad thing. then.. time passed.. and suddenly.. when you asked me to do things.. i felt compelled, forced, to do it.. maybe i didnt know how to say no... i was afraid, robin, im sorry.

why am i making this public.. i dont know.. you said your past on your blog, i guess now its my turn to speak my mind..

well. sometimes i felt you were using me, sometimes i felt that i was forced to do what you want, because you always said i wanna die i wanna die.. and.. well, i was afraid you'd really die. well. i cant remember what happened.

thank you, beacuse you were a friend.. you comforted me alot when i was down.. you lifted me up.. i cried like i didnt for a really long time. the last time i remember some1 being there for me when i cried until like dat was siew. dat was 2 or 3 years ago at a cg chalet.. other times i cried i was alone.. you made me happy. you made me feel loved. and.. well, i suppose thats how things got out of hand. you made me feel loved. i thought that was love. and i dont know whether it is. but i cant love you back.. and.. well, its no point lying to you, or to myself.. i simply Cannot love you back, so its really best you forget about me.. im sorry that im rejecting you.. but.. i cant.. its just.. i cant. i realised.. that love i felt.. its more like a brother rather then anything else.. like a close friend.. and im sorry i misled you.. it didnt occur to me till recently that.. well.. that i dont see a future wit you. im sorry, but yeah. robin.. i know its too late to apologize.. because the hurt is alr there. and i cant erase it. but if i continue, things will just get worse, because i'll end up hurting you even more. and i dont want to hurt you.. you dont deserve that..

and i dont deserve what you've given me.. im.. well.. im an asshole..
im sorry.
i was wrong.
im sorry..
i misled you into thinking something was when it wasnt..
for that im sorry the most..
i misled you.. i mean.. well. i thought that things would .. well. i dont know what words to use. but... you'd know above all.

im .. sorry..

just now, when you said you wanted to die.. i really didnt know what to do.. because it would be my fault.. i guess the only thing i can do is ask God to protect you.. yes, i know it sounds corny.. but seriously, i dont seem to be able to change things anymore.. i want you to be happy, and im not the girl to make you happy.. i dont understand you, robin. please take care of yourself....