haiz.. no matter what happens..
arent i still the one in the wrong..
why can i never take a stand..
im like always in the middle, full of doubts and full of anxiety..
full of just waiting to get hurt.. isnt dat why i get hurt easily?
am i subconsciously looking to get hurt?
..what have i done..
hurt some1 i care about..
and yet.. how do i care about..
i cant take it..
the pressure, everything..
i should have committed suicide when i wanted to.
beause now its like hellish situations....
so many things i dont understand,
motives, reasons, explainations..
i dont see the big picture,
and what am i supposed to focus on...
what the fuck is going on?!?!
hw many more nights will i cry myself to sleep, how many more times can i cut before one day i get too deep??
im tired of the hurts as much as you are, and yet i cant face them like you can.. im in the wrong. but what do you want me to do?! i cant forget what happened... i cant see where it is going.. i cant understand where the fuck im gonna end up! maybe i should just go to sleep and never wake up, because ive gone and landed myself in a fucking mess i apparently cannot escape from. and it hurts.. why.. dey said dis is what.. rescuer? who the fuck cares.. i dont know what to do.. what issit dat makes christians different from secular ppl.. God? i feel so challenged during this whole situation, and now i dont know what the fuck ive done... some1 tell me... take my life.. i dont know what to do with it anymore... who do i have left. nobody.. i'll just be left on my own, dreams never fufilled. what have i mistaken what for what... i dont dare to do this, i dont dare to do that.. i just want peace in my heart.. i dont feel dat peace.. where am i... where the fuck am i.... jiuming... the magitude of hw hard it hurt is nt as bad as last time.. and yet..why does it hurt like this..