today..
was supposedly the best day of the week.. and i feel like shit... why ar?
...
had a few bad dreams... dreamt of losing.. rejection.. ok, dreams dat had the last say of losing, rejection. anyway.. yeah..i guess im competitive in dat sense.. but why..

i cant let go of the past hurts apparently.. i cant forget them, and it still hurt me alot..... i cant let go! ...haiz... hw the heck am i supposed to move on..? i cant even forget these.. haiz. what to do? .... jiuming... haiya. cant afford to go into depression again.. will seriously neglet my studies, and i cant afford dat either... not again.. have strict boundaries.... =.= haiya.

dont know how to trust ppl? is dat the bottom line of why i became like this? ... dont know. ma has been telling me stories from young, as young as i can remember.. which is k1 k2.. of hw nt to trust ppl, and the hurts she had to go through for me =.= ... haiya. long story. and.. yeah. did it have a negative effect on me? was that the reason i didnt dare speak up at all? was dat the reason i became emotional? was dat the reason i becamse somewhat a loner? dont know.. or issit genetics? :P

when will i know for sure.... oh ya. i dont feel well today. or any day for dat matter. guess it makes no apparent difference. i'll still die in the end, and in the end, it dosent even matter...